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To Tell or not to tell...

jenuine5jenuine5 member
in Pregnant after a Loss

My situation is pretty complicated, but I am hoping for some help! I am 8 weeks pregnant after a miscarriage last year. I bought a house and moved my Mom and step dad up to our area and in exchange for paying their mortgage my Mom takes care of my 2 year old daughter! In the beginning there was mention of more kids however when I was pregnant last time my step dad freaked out and it became a very stressful situation which I think contributed to my loss. There is no way of getting around him, he's not going anywhere... he's just a jackass and he doesn't watch my daughter anyway, my mother does! Well that's not all! My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and just had a double mastectomy yesterday... She caught it very early and is expected to make a full recovery with no Chemo or radiation!!!!!

The thing I need help with is whether or not I should tell my Mom or just wait. Last time she said she wished I had just told her and not both of them at the same time so that she could tell him. I was fine waiting it out and just letting them figure it out as I get fat but I know this will make her upset. However I don't want to tell her and stress her out, I think she has enough to worry about. I was already thinking of putting my daughter in PT pre-school this spring as well which would help since she wouldn't have 2 all the time?

My MIL is coming to town this weekend and my DH wants to be able to tell them or have my DD give them the picture from our US.. We would also like to tell his father and just close family but I'm afraid the word would get out... People are also speculating because I haven't been drinking wine lol and I don't want my Mom to find out from somebody else.. I also feel like she is checking me out all the time looking at my belly... maybe she already knows lol, that crazy mom thing you know!

What would you do?

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Re: To Tell or not to tell...

  • 2redtulips2redtulips member
    I would give it a couple of weeks so she can recover from her surgery.

    Hugs. That's a lot all at once.

    _______________________________________________________________________
    First-time mom, 35+, parenting after a loss (mmc Oct. 2012 @ 8 wks), ttc for a year after loss

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  • smcniffsmcniff member
    I agree, I would give her a few weeks to recover from the surgery and focus on herself. 

    Also, I don't know about your inlaws, but we told some of my family early on, but let them know that they needed to keep the info to themselves for a while until we had a chance to personally tell other family members ourselves.

    Everyone that we told early on was very respectful of our privacy.


    BFP #1 11/02/13, EDD 07/04/14, BO diagnosed 12/12/13 at 9w5d
    BFP #2 6/12/14, DD born 2/21/15

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  • mandi195mandi195 member
    I'd agree with waiting a few weeks to let her recover, and then tell her and let her tell step-dad (since she's expressed in the past that's what she'd prefer). 
    Congrats, and good luck!
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  • jenuine5jenuine5 member
    Thanks Ladies! I just don't want to feel like I'm in the wrong! I think I will try and wait unless for some odd reason the right time comes up :)
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  • KJsbabeKJsbabe member
    I would tell your MIL since she's coming into town, but ask her to keep it to herself for a few weeks. I agree it's too early to tell your mom. Give her a couple weeks to recover and then tell just her. Let her tell your SFIL since that's what she said before. Once you mom knows, I wild feel more comfortable telling other family members.

    I'm sure there's more to the story, but I don't understand why your SFIL was upset at you having another kid before. Because it would mean you mom watching two kids instead of one? That's pretty lame. I mean, you're paying his freaking mortgage!! I think he needs to shut his mouth and be grateful for a roof over his head!
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