Getting Signifigant Other to Grasp Labor

lenafallbaby · July 2014

I love my husband dearly, and he's beyond excited for the up coming birth of our daughter. She's our first child, and while I read, watch, and ask others, I feel like my hubby is clueless about what's actually going to go on in the delivery room. He doesn't realize there are things he can do to make it more comfortable for me, and while I've told him this and he keeps promising to be "prepared" before she gets here, being 33 weeks along has me scared about her coming early. I need tips to get him to sit down and watch with me the non-traumatic birthing videos, or get him I gaged in the fact that he does indeed have research to do. We don't have the scheduling ability to take birthing classes, which is another reason in scared because it's not like he's gonna have someone show him things that tend to help. I feel like he's going in blind, and I want him to feel at least slightly prepared. He thinks he'll be holding my hand the whole time telling me everything's gonna be okay. And while that is adorable and sweet, I don't think that's what I'm gonna need in those hours of labor...please any advice is helpful!!

Marchie1214 · July 2014

I would try to not worry too much. There is no way to know how you will handle labor, so there isn't a real way to prepare to support you. Oh, and L&D nurses normally give the support person a shove as to how to support the laboring mother.

You could hate the world during labor, and not want SO anywhere near you. You could be laughing and joking or even napping.

Ecat504 · July 2014

FTM and no real experience. I know you said you don't have the scheduling ability to take the classes but maybe just you could go and explained what you learned? The classes are really helpful.
Or maybe you could find an online/video class?
Good luck! I know how stressful it can be, but all will be fine in the end.

MrsLaLaBug · July 2014

If you don't have the "scheduling ability" to attend preparing for childbirth classes, I'd try the internet or perhaps some type of book on the subject that caters to expectant fathers. But honestly, the only thing that is going to really help either of you is good old fashioned communication. Never expect a man to read your mind. Good luck.

emmylu30 · July 2014

If it is really important to you then I think you need to have a serious talk with your DH to make sure he understands how you feel about preparing and what you want done for you while you labor.

That being said I agree with @Marchie1214. My husband and I never took a birthing class or watched birthing videos. We just always knew we would go to the hospital, take nurse or doctor recommendations, get an epidural and try to handle everything the best we could but pretty much everything else was out of our hands. As for my DH, the L&D nurses helped show him what he could do to help me and he did a great job.

ashleyb1114 · July 2014

My husband didn't watch any videos or go to the class with me and TBH I'm not sure that it would have even helped(I felt the class that I attended was worthless and didn't help me either- I'm sure some classes help some people though). I just told him what I needed when I needed it. Like Pp said, you never know how your labor will go until you are there. I agree that communication will be key.

lbonga1 · July 2014

My best advice is to tell him what you need in the moment. With DD, my FI was nervous and kept leaving the room to update his parents (who were in the waiting room). He had also never seen me in pain like that, so he didn't really know what to do. But, I didn't say anything to him about how he could help me. This time I've already told him I'd prefer he'd stay in the room more and find ways to keep me comfortable.

Milo5181 · July 2014

This book is always highly recommended too: https://www.amazon.com/The-Birth-Partner-Third-Edition/dp/1558323570 If we hadn't had an in-depth child birth class, I don't think Sam would have been as helpful to me as he was, because he would have been totally freaked out. So it's really important for your H to do his reading and prepping!

MMason12 · July 2014

I've tried for weeks, well months now, to try and get my husband to read something about L&D. I read though the book Mil05181 suggested and I loved it; however, I wasn't able to get him to pick it up once. He keeps saying, "I'm not sure what the big deal is! We go in -- we have a baby!" I have decided that I am not going to rag him over and over again to read a book. I've explained to him that it makes me feel nervous that he's unprepared and he understands that part. He just doesn't think reading a book will prepare him. I will be as prepared as I can and we'll just go with it from there. Oh, and my Mom is going to be in the labor room with us, which helps.

conradraging · July 2014

I'm the ss who just plans on having H wing it when the time comes. Sorry yours isn't cooperating!

SingleMom31 · July 2014

With our first, all DH could do for the first 24 hours was hold my hand and tell me that it was all going to be okay. During the last 2.5 when I was pushing, he held one of my legs the way the L&D nurse showed him and kept telling me that it was going to be okay, that I could do this, etc. I wouldn't be too hard on him -- You'll figure out what you need in the moment, and the L&D nurses will coach him along if he's looking like a fish out of water.

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