sad, bitter, and hurt (other person's pregnancy mentioned) — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

sad, bitter, and hurt (other person's pregnancy mentioned)

I know some of this is probably borderline irrational, but I'm upset and need to vent.

I just found out today that one of my closest friends is 8 weeks pregnant.  She didn't tell me until today, even though she's known since the first week of July.  First of all, I'm hurt that she didn't tell me.  She is literally the first person who knew that I was pregnant - she was calling me when I was on vacation when she knew I was due to test to ask if I'd gotten a positive yet.  So first off, I'm hurt that she didn't tell me.

Second, I'm sad and bitter/jealous because I'd be 9.5 weeks right now and she is 8 weeks.  I was at a baby shower for a different friend last weekend and I did ok with that.  For some reason, it is hitting me a lot harder with this friend since she is right about the same number of weeks as I am.  When I told my husband about my friend's pregnancy, I just burst into tears.

I'd really been doing ok -- both emotionally and physically -- since my D&C a week and a half ago.  But today I am just having a rough time. :(
Married to DH since 6/30/2007
Me: 32  DH: 32
BFP #1: 4/1/2010 DS born: 12/3/10
TTC #2 since 5/2014

BFP # 2 : 6/16/14 EDD: 2/25/15  Missed Miscarriage discovered 7/10/14 D&C 7/17/14 Pathology results normal
BFP #3: 10/21/14 EDD: 7/6/15  11/24/14:  Saw heartbeat! 
Missed Miscarriage discovered 12/22/14 at 12w0d D&C 12/23/14 Pathology: Partial Molar Pregnancy/Triploidy
~~Currently benched following PMP~~ 
**all AL welcome**



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Re: sad, bitter, and hurt (other person's pregnancy mentioned)

  • lcwedlcwed member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Photogenic
    I'm sorry you are going through all that. I say don't rationalize anything just feel what you want to feel. It's a healing process that affects everyone differently. We all have good and bad days. Enjoy the good days and here is a hug from me to you for today.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

    Me 36 DH 39

    DD 3/29/12
                      BFP 6/4/14 ~ MMC 7/7/14 ~ D&C 7/15/14            
    BFP 11/28/14 ~ MMC  12/29/14    

    TTCAL Siggy Challenge
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  • I agree with lcwed feel what you feel. Whenever I begin to wonder if I'm bordering crazy I ask my DH if he thinks I'm good then I don't worry about what others or what I think.
    lcwed
  • It's hard to anticipate over the next few months how she will be going through each stage that I was "supposed" to be going through at the same time. I'm just going to throw myself a little pity party tonight and hope tomorrow is a better day.
    Married to DH since 6/30/2007
    Me: 32  DH: 32
    BFP #1: 4/1/2010 DS born: 12/3/10
    TTC #2 since 5/2014

    BFP # 2 : 6/16/14 EDD: 2/25/15  Missed Miscarriage discovered 7/10/14 D&C 7/17/14 Pathology results normal
    BFP #3: 10/21/14 EDD: 7/6/15  11/24/14:  Saw heartbeat! 
    Missed Miscarriage discovered 12/22/14 at 12w0d D&C 12/23/14 Pathology: Partial Molar Pregnancy/Triploidy
    ~~Currently benched following PMP~~ 
    **all AL welcome**



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    TTCAL January 2015 Siggy Challenge:  Animals in the snow
    Scumbag Penguin

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  • farniegalfarniegal member
    Second Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Photogenic
    edited July 2014
    I'm so sorry for your loss. It's not irrational. I completely understand why your feelings are hurt. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you as well.
    Me - 35 DH - 41
    TTC 06.03.2013 
    BFP 06.15.2014  EDD 02.25.2015  MMC 07.07.2014 Miso 07.18.2014 
                                                                 August TTCAL Siggy Challenge : WTF Tattoos
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  • lcwedlcwed member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Photogenic
    Wine, diet coke, and chocolate are my pity party besties. Occasionally the reason why I can have those things hits me and then they become my frienimies, but it goes away after a bit and we are besties once again.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

    Me 36 DH 39

    DD 3/29/12
                      BFP 6/4/14 ~ MMC 7/7/14 ~ D&C 7/15/14            
    BFP 11/28/14 ~ MMC  12/29/14    

    TTCAL Siggy Challenge
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  • First off let me say, I am so sorry for your loss... secondly, We're allowed to feel as its normal.and while to others it may be deemed "irrational" I say WHO CARES! I know exactly where you are and its a terribly sad place. Be kind to yourself and breath. Have you started a journal? My OB/GYN suggested it and I can say it has helped. But, this too shall pass. Curl up with some hagen Daz and the hubbie and just let it out. Blessings and peace.  
  • LimaDLimaD member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Photogenic
    I'm so sorry for your loss!
    I can only imagine how hard it is to have a close friend who is pregnant and has a due date that would be so close to yours...What you are feeling is completely normal.  I assume your friend didn't tell you sooner because she knew how hard it would be for you to find out so soon after your loss.  Again, I'm so sorry not only for your loss but for the situation you find yourself in now :(  ((Hugs))

  • **other's pregnancies mentioned**

    First of all, I'm very sorry for your recent loss.  I agree with PPs- let yourself feel and don't be too hard on yourself for grieving.  My SIL just had a baby a few weeks ago (she announced a month or so after my first m/c), one of my BF's found out she was pregnant a week after my most recent loss, another BF is currently trying, a close friend had a baby last week... it seems that I'm surrounded!  Also, a coworker had her baby just a week and a half before my first EDD- it was hard to see her go through the pregnancy when I would've been at a similar stage.  It's hard.  It's so unfair, not that others are having babies (hopefully they will never truly understand our pain), but unfair that we aren't able to enjoy the same joy.  In time, your emotions will be less "raw" and even though the grief will still be there, you'll find a way to be joyful for your friend without crying/hurting.  Big ((HUGS)) to you.  

    Mills0401
  • **living child mentioned**

    Thanks, ladies.  My friend who recently found out she is pregnant did have a miscarriage between baby #1 and #2 (this pregnancy will be baby #3) so maybe that is why she didn't want to tell me right way.  She also told me that it was a surprise pregnancy, so it's not like she knew exactly when to test.  She said she found out right around the fourth of July.  My missed miscarriage was discovered less than a week later, so she probably would have told me sooner otherwise.  I will get over being hurt that she didn't tell me sooner, but it will still be hard to have her have a due date only two weeks later than what my due date would have been. 

    It's also made me a little sad because we would have had babies at pretty much the exact same time if I hadn't miscarried, and would have been on maternity leave at the same time.  My son and her oldest daughter are only 7 weeks apart and we became friends when we met in a baby class when they were young, so it would have been great to have babies close together this time, too.  I suppose it is theoretically possible I could get pregnant quickly and our babies would still be close in age, but still, I'm mourning the loss of what could have been, you know what I mean?

    And of course, because when you have a miscarriage everyone else seems to be pregnant, I found out yesterday evening that another friend is pregnant. She is 16 weeks and due in mid-January.  I did not tell her about my loss.  I'm not opposed to, but it just wasn't the right place in the conversation.

    I'm only two weeks post D&C today, so I know I'm still a little touchy.  I really do appreciate having this board here.  Hugs everyone.
    Married to DH since 6/30/2007
    Me: 32  DH: 32
    BFP #1: 4/1/2010 DS born: 12/3/10
    TTC #2 since 5/2014

    BFP # 2 : 6/16/14 EDD: 2/25/15  Missed Miscarriage discovered 7/10/14 D&C 7/17/14 Pathology results normal
    BFP #3: 10/21/14 EDD: 7/6/15  11/24/14:  Saw heartbeat! 
    Missed Miscarriage discovered 12/22/14 at 12w0d D&C 12/23/14 Pathology: Partial Molar Pregnancy/Triploidy
    ~~Currently benched following PMP~~ 
    **all AL welcome**



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    TTCAL January 2015 Siggy Challenge:  Animals in the snow
    Scumbag Penguin

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    [Deleted User]
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