So frustrated (rant).

AshleyDehaven · July 2014

So okay, the move is a cluster f*** first of all. It's just a mess, and a long story, but for some background, me and DS are also now sick. And yesterday during a pretty epic meltdown of his, i further tore the hole (incisional hernia) in my abdominal wall yesterday and i am pretty much on super restricted activity right now. So i was whining about this on facebook, and about how Thoren is really clingy right now, and cries if i have to leave him to get some stuff done (that i shouldn't be doing anyways). Anyway, one of my friends jumped down my throat for coddling him and giving him "everything he wants". Literally told me "Let him be p*ssed, it isn't going to hurt him. Coral him in a room and get some work done, he needs to learn he isn't going to get everything he wants, the instant he wants it.". Now A- I wouldn't be comfortable with doing that for ANY 18 month old. But guys, i mean, you know the situation with Thoren. I COULDN'T do that with him. Want to know what happens if he gets left alone to cry for a couple minutes? He chokes himself on the rail of his pack n' play. To the point of turning purple. He does not handle being alone well at all, for christ's sake, we just had to move him back into our room with us just so that he would sleep. He has been in his own room since he was 6 months old, and now will not do it. B- Since when is my parenting up for debate?? He has a perfectly developing 10 month old. What the heck does he know about my life, or what my son needs? He even KNOWS that Thoren has special needs, and is very probably on the spectrum. Like.. Really?? UGH! Sorry ladies.. /rant

DCKate · July 2014

Don't listen to anyone, mama! You are a wonderful and loving mom, and you are the only who knows what's best for your son.

I also hate the whole idea of coddling your baby too much. I would rather love DD than corral her in a room out of sight!

OhBaby+2013 · July 2014

Sounds like a rough day. Sometimes people just don't know when to keep their opinions to themselves! I hope today is a better day for you! Hang in there!

jobiann · July 2014

I always love how people are so quick to judge, especially other mothers. I always try to tell myself we all have different parenting styles and as long as a child is literally suffering, who cares what other mothers do, and your FB friends should feel that way too. If not, delete them, they are obviously not very good friends to begin with.

You keep doing what's right for Thoren and ignore everyone else.

Also, I know you are moving, but try and take care of yourself Momma! (((hugs)))

spainy17 · July 2014

I think as mothers we are programmed to know when it is ok or not ok to leave our kids. If it doesn't feel right then don't do it. You know your kid. Some days my babe is fine playing on her own for a few minutes and some days she is glued at my hip. You also have a lot going on right now and Thoren might pick up on that and need even more reassurance from mom. Your instincts have been spot on with him all along so the other moms can suck it.

As for you, take care of yourself woman! I understand that as moms things like rest and lifting restractions are kind of moot but please listen to your body. Take one day at a time and we are here in you need to vent.

AshleyDehaven · July 2014

Thanks ladies. I guess with everything going on, his comments just threw me over the edge. Ultimately every child and every parent is different, so i always find it in poor taste to try and shove your parental ideals down someone's throat. Him and i are very different in our parenting styles. I would call him old school i guess, very into "toughening them up" and not coddling them etc. Whereas i am very much an attachment parent so we are kind of polar opposites. Not that there is anything wrong with his approach if it works for them, but it just isn't right for us ya know? And regardless, everything changes if the child in question has special needs.. Sigh. Of course, very few people in my life even believe me about him. Even his dad is still in denial despite several doctors, therapists, and specialists telling us there is definitely a delay, and a very good chance that it is more than that. But i get that where H is concerned. I think i cried for a week straight when we started getting him evaluated. I fell apart, i let it hit me (hard), and then i got it together and started working on improving the situation. I have been the one at every single therapy session, i have seen the progress, and in some cases the lack thereof. He is just taking longer and that is okay. I have a harder time with the attitude i get from others that range from "give him time" to "you are seriously overreacting and are going to ruin his life". Sigh.. I just feel very isolated i guess.

As for me.. Well, i am doing the best i can. Even taking care of all the laundry yesterday caused a whole lot of pain, so i feel completely useless which is terrifying because here we are at the two week mark.. O_O

jobiann · July 2014

You are doing so well with the heavy weight on your shoulders, you are focusing on Thoren and helping him get the best help he can and you've seen such improvement! Keep going, keep seeing the great things! You are a wonderful Mother!!

But again, I stress, to take care of yourself too. Dirty laundry is dirty laundry...no biggie! Until you run out of underwear...then you have to choose to do laundry or go shopping!

AshleyDehaven · July 2014

ClaryPax said:

This is why I put nothing on FB. Seriously I don't need everyone's opinion and annoying input in my life. It is always hard to think of a response to that or to decide to ignore or take the post down.

Best of luck to you. DD is super clingy too.

I passive aggressively put him in his place. I'm not proud of it, but i was exhausted and ticked off.

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