Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Mills0401
member
Tough love speech!?!?! REALLY?!?!? **warning other persons kids mentioned**
Mills0401
member
FYI---It has only been a little over a week since I found out no heartbeat and a week tomorrow since my D&C.
A good friend (so I thought) was on vacation last week with her kids. She is currently in the middle of a divorce and has a lot going on both personally and professionally as she just switched jobs back in February. I had called her but she was busy relaxing and spending time with her kids (one will be a senior in high school this year and the other in 5th grade I think) at Disney and was too busy to talk. I was honestly relieved because she always has something to say about everything and always has a way to make you feel like it conversation is getting turned into a pissing contest.
Anyways, I needed a distraction today during my lunch break because today was proving to suck yet again. I texted her to see how her vacation with her kids had gone. She texted me back about it and her divorce stuff. The she asked if I had told my office about the pregnancy. I responded letting her know that I had lost the baby last week and had a D&C done Thursday so there was no need to tell them any longer. She apologized and asked how I was holding up. I told her that one minute I'm fine, the next I am mad, then hurt, I want to scream, I want to get drunk, I want a cigarette (I was a smoker prior to TTC), I'm tired of hearing people say they are sorry, I want to be pregnant, I want to cry my eyes out, I want to crawl into my bed and hide, and over all I don't know how I'm feeling from one minute to the next. She responded she could help me out with the drinking and cig part but didn't know what else she could do. She wanted me to call her. I explained to her that I didn't want to talk because I was at work and didn't feel like crying. Next thing I know she is calling me. I answer and said that I didn't want to talk. She said "I know but I didn't say you had to talk you just need to listen." then she proceeded with "Everything happens for a reason and we don't always find out the answers right away and sometimes we never do. You didn't honestly expect it was going to be this easy to get pregnant did you? Now you need to just move on. Why don't you just come over to my place this weekend and we can get drunk and vent, you can scream, rant and rage and not worry about a thing." I was taken back a little and told her I didn't know what I would be doing as I only get to see my husband now on the weekends since he has been working out of town. She responds with "Well I'm sure you can come over on Saturday when does he get back in town."
How much more polite can I be?? I don't want to get drunk with you...I want to be with my HUSBAND?!?! I can't help it that your marriage sucks which is why your husband decided to file for divorce!!! I don't want to hang out with you....in fact I think I'm doing great most days by just getting out of bed and making it to work on time. I don't want to be around people more than I have to be...I just want to be with my husband...I don't care if I'm at his work just sitting around I just want to be with him...that's what I NEED not a girls night off.
Is it wrong to just end this friendship???? Is it just the hormones coming back down???? Or do I have a logical reason to be pissed???
Sorry I think I just needed to vent....with no hubby this week and no adult interaction outside of work is really getting to me I think.
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Re: Tough love speech!?!?! REALLY?!?!? **warning other persons kids mentioned**
Wow. Is it bad that I kind of want to punch your friend? How could she ever tell you to move on? That was your baby. She would be singing a much different tune if she didn't have two children (i.e. viable pregnancies). That was very insensitive. I"m sorry you had to deal with that, especially at work.
It sounds like if conversations with her turn into a pissing contest and isn't very supportive, then maybe she's not as great of a friend as you thought. I try to go by the rule if a friend mostly makes you feel worse than better, it's a toxic relationship.
I have a similar friend who I've been best friends with since we were 4. We are at different stages in life and have amicably (sp?) grown apart. Just know it's ok to not talk to her for a while. I did that with my friend when she started making smart ass comments about me getting married young (24...not the youngest you could go), and when she told me last year that me and H were "wasting our 20's trying to get pregnant"
Married 7/21/12
Off bcp and ttc 9/1/13
bfp 7/20/14, m/c 7/23
will ttc again 8/14
As for my friend that said that I think she honestly thinks she was helping. I told another friend who knows this lady and he was shocked and embarrassed for her. Neither one of us can figure her out. She is a drama queen, ocd, i think paranoid and possibly a few other things but she hasn't been diagnosed. Aparently she passed those tests with flying colors.
I haven't told my husband. He would be livid!!! He doesn't approve of me spending time with her which I acknowledge and accept but he doesn't stop me from doing it either because he doesn't want to be controlling and he knows it wouldn't end well. (I don't have many friends. My best friend is my sister who just moved 3 hours away and we have always been at different points in our lives so she doesn't always get it.) Does your husband get annoyed or irritated when you mention your friend?
The only person who gets away with the "everything happens for a reason, start moving on" lecture is my mom...bc she is my mom, and she sometimes does tough love and bc she had multiple ms herself. A friend pulls that crap and I'm gonna ignore her calls and texts for at least a month or two.
Hang in there! T&P
Married 7/21/12
Off bcp and ttc 9/1/13
bfp 7/20/14, m/c 7/23
will ttc again 8/14