Anyone got pressure to stop breastfeeding/ pumping earlier than their goal?

michellelcl · July 2014

My DH has asked me to start weaning because he said breast feeding/ pumping is putting a lot of stress on us. It does cause me to be sleepy and it's really difficult for me to concerate at work. We are also tie to house or any trip within 3 hour time frame so I can pump. LO usually only nurse one side so I would need to pump the other side. If I don't pump, I would not have anything for day care. And no frozen stash for me.
I also have low supply issue. 20 oz a day max. LO(4.5 months) eats about 25 oz a day. We already need to supplement. And plugged duct last week didn't help either. All of these are making DH to ask me stop breastfeeding even though my original goal was one year.
I tried so hard to be where I am now so I feed very sad to deviate from my original plan but maybe it is really too hard for me. I feel breast milk is some luxury I can't afford to give to my LO.
I haven't decided yet. Thank you for listening. I would like to hear others' experiences.

mommatotwo2 · July 2014

I'm sorry that you are going through this. Breastfeeding is not easy in the best if circumstances and a lack of support can be very detrimental to a good breastfeeding relationships. I have some questions and comments. FTR, I have 2 kids, my first was formula fed, this baby has been breastfed.

1) You said your baby takes 25 oz a day, but you only make 20. Is that 25 oz in the whole day? You said you are nursing and pumping. The baby is far more efficient than the pump so you can't measure baby's nursing intake based on your pumping output. Supplementing is a slippery slope because when you supplement, you're telling your body that it needs to make less milk, further complicating the issue.

2) You don't need to pump or nurse both sides. Even if you're pumping both sides at work it's perfectly acceptable to only nurse one side, offering the not nursed side at the next feeding. There is no reason for you to be tied to the house. If you are nursing baby while out, you do not need to pump.

3) Pumping is a big pain, but there are ways to decrease the work. Have extra pump parts so you can have enough sets to have one clean while the others are in the dishwasher or being washed. I had a set for every weekday, this way I could wash only in the weekend if it came down to it. It never did, we just threw the parts in the dishwasher every time we ran it. You can use 1 pumping setup for the whole day, I just kept mine in a Ziploc in the cooler.

4) Formula and bottle feeding is certainly not easier, nor will it help you gain time and sleep. There will be bottles to prep and wash and you still have to sit and give baby the bottle.

5) While I took my DHs thoughts and concerns into consideration, and he did have some, this has always been ultimately up to me and I felt strongly about making my year goal. We've since me that goal and are 2 months into extended breastfeeding. Good luck and hang in there!!

edit for spelling and to make paragraphs

hollandmama · July 2014

@mommatotwo2 gave great advice already but I'd just add that DH went through this too. I think it's fairly normal for them to blame it all on the BF. After a few weeks he realized that BF was good for LO and that not receiving his support was just making things worse.

How many months have you been BF? After 7 months, my LO could go longer without BF so I could leave the house for longer periods. At 1 year I even went for a work trip and my supply didn't suffer.

Now after a year of BF, DH and I are still having stress around and we are both sleep deprived. Try to explain DH that the first few years will be full of things that 'produce' stress and that eliminating them is not necessarily the correct answer. You may be able to eliminate BF but still be sleep deprived (I know many FF mammas out there suffering as much as you and me).

Don't finish a relationship that you love because it got difficult, it will get easier. Now LO BF only 2 to 4 times a day and it's quite flexible so I don't have to be home at a given time.

Have patience and good luck

mommatotwo2 · July 2014

Just wanted to chime in after @hollandmama and say that we too are sleep deprived over here! LO is 14 months, eats more solid food than an adult, plus soy milk (possible dairy allergy) and is still nursing 3x a day on workdays and on demand on non work days, and still doesn't always (or even often) STTN. It unfortunately has to do with having a baby, not how the baby is fed.

flcl · July 2014

casey78 said:

@mommatotwo2‌ and @hollandmama gave good advice.

Bf does not have to be all or nothing, but quitting before you are ready can add strain to your relationship. And, it doesn't mean things will be easier.

If you can share a bit more about your situation, maybe we can help troubleshoot. How old is your LO? What does an average day look like in terms of nursing, pumping, and offering bottles? Give us times and amounts if you can.

This. DH has gone back and forth on being supportive with my breastfeeding relationship with LO. If something goes wrong (i.e. the latest was the 4MW), he's quick to blame BF. I think that's because it's the one thing he has absolutely no "control" over.

It sounds like you're working really hard to provide for you LO. If you could answer some of the above questions about your situation, maybe we can give you some suggestions? Hang in there, the only reason you should stop BF is because you and LO want to, not because anyone else want you to.

michellelcl · July 2014

Thank you all for your willingness to help. Little one is 4.5 month. I tried to pump 7 times a day and I tried to nurse if the timing is right.( i. e. It's time to pump then I would nurse him instead of pumping.) I need to pump after nursing otherwise I will have nothing to send to day care. 20 oz supply is when one day I had work function so I didn't nurse at all that day ( but I did pump 7 times.) The day he didn't nurse, he ate total 25 oz in a day. I typically can get only 7-8 oz at work (3 pumps) while little one eats 16 oz (4x 4oz) at day care. If I don't supplement, little one will be hungry because I don't have enough to provide him even though I am already pumping 7 times a day and nursing too.

mommatotwo2 · July 2014

I am still completely confused. So, your usual method for getting milk to baby is pumping and bottle feeding, even though baby is a good nurser? It sounds to me like you are creating a lot of extra work for yourself this way.

Most of the working moms on here, who aren't exclusive pumpers, are nursing baby directly when they are together (ie: before work, in the evening after work/before bed) and then on demand on the weekends or other days off) and then pumping during the work day, every 2-3 hours as needed to get the amount of milk baby would take. Most moms seem to pump about 3 times a day in a regular workday.

25 oz would be the average intake for a baby receiving only pumped milk and no nursing. Normal pumping output is on average an ounce per hour. For me that was around 9 oz per day. Since my baby took about 12 oz per day at daycare (in addition to nursing when we were together), I pumped the opposite side she nursed, first thing in the morning because she only took one side then.

JulyMumma · July 2014

Have you considered combo feeding? I know it's not for everyone but it really has worked well for our family. I find it less stressful for both myself and my husband. Learning the ins and outs of parenting can be challenging enough. Breastfeeding and pumping is a lot of work and time consuming (although some will tell you it's not). Formula feeding is too. Heck, parenting is a TON of work.

It's really okay if you need to change things up. Breast milk isn't a luxury. It's food. Find something that works for you and go with it. Your baby will be just fine.

michellelcl · July 2014

I am sorry I should make it clear. I pump after nursing when we are together.

michellelcl · July 2014

What is combo feeding?

[Deleted User] · July 2014

Others have given great advice (and I'm a little confused about the schedule too) so I just wanted to chime in and offer hugs. You're doing a great job mama. Tell your DH that rather than trying to "fix the problem", his support in whatever you decide is the most important thing for you.

How much of a stash are you aiming for? I never had much more than a day or two's worth, and we did fine. I wouldn't stress about that so much.

I also question if DC is overfeeding your LO.

michellelcl · July 2014

This is what I did on Monday. Forgive me I use ml instead of oz because my supply is so little to be measure as one oz or half oz. 1 oz= 29.5 ml

2:41am breast feed-R 10 mins.

2:52am breast feed-L 14 mins.

6:56am pump 21 mins. 4 oz + 7 ml

9:59am pump 25 mins. 88 ml

12:33pm pump 17 mins. 59 ml

3:04pm pump 15 mins. 68 ml

6:36pm pump 15 mins. 82 ml

7:04pm breast feed-L 25 mins.

7:32pm breast feed-R 4 mins.

9:47pm breast feed-R 5 mins.

9:52pm breast feed-L 19 mins.

11:30pm pump 15 mins. 55 ml

Total 477 ml=16.17 oz

[Deleted User] · July 2014

I see. So you're away from LO for about 12 hrs? You couldn't add in another nursing session before you leave for work?

Some of those pumping sessions might be a little too short. I usually had to pump more than 20 min to get a second let-down.

michellelcl · July 2014

@theresat858‌ When LO started at day care, I prepared 4x 3 oz bottle but they told me LO acted hungry even after they tried everything to comfort him for 20 mins. So they fed him another 3 oz bottle and he finished very quick so they told me to up to 4 oz per bottle. I can recall another instance like this that they fed 8 oz within one hour time frame and I was not happy but they told me he finished 2nd bottle in one setting and maybe he just experienced growth spout. I couldn't say anything because that could be true. I am already known as "don't waste single drop" mom so it's hard to demand so much when I know the teacher has 3 other infants to take care.

flcl · July 2014

michellelcl said:

@theresat858‌ When LO started at day care, I prepared 4x 3 oz bottle but they told me LO acted hungry even after they tried everything to comfort him for 20 mins. So they fed him another 3 oz bottle and he finished very quick so they told me to up to 4 oz per bottle. I can recall another instance like this that they fed 8 oz within one hour time frame and I was not happy but they told me he finished 2nd bottle in one setting and maybe he just experienced growth spout. I couldn't say anything because that could be true. I am already known as "don't waste single drop" mom so it's hard to demand so much when I know the teacher has 3 other infants to take care.

Does the DCP know about paced feeding? It's really easy to overfeed BF babies when feeding with a bottle. https://kellymom.com/bf/pumpingmoms/feeding-tools/bottle-feeding/ has some info on this that you can provide DCP. I know that you don't want to seem like the demanding mom but just remember that you're talking about the welfare of your baby and it's ok to be demanding with that.

Unknown · July 2014

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BootsOrHearts · July 2014

Formula feeding isn't exactly easy either and formula is expensive, expect to shell out $200+ per month on the stuff. If you want to keep BF, then keep doing it. If you want to wean then do that, but make sure that's what you want because it's a tough decision to reverse.

Also, invest in a cheap manual pump so you can take it with you and pump when you're out and about.

michellelcl · August 2014

Thank you all for your input. I would delay weaning one day at a time.

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