HELP! Name issues!

jp8655 · July 2014

ok...drowning in family nonsense over here! My husband is a III and his initials are JP (first and last) ever since the day we found out that I am pregnant he has been calling the baby JP4 (some of our family thinks it cute) I on the other hand think it is obnoxious and not an option.

Since then we have found out we are expecting a baby boy - I took the news pretty bad because I knew that the name game was going to cause EPIC problems. The latest response I have gotten from him is "you need to tell my father if you don't want him to be a IV" In my opinion - his dad gets zero say in what my child especially if since day 1 it seems that I have had no say. I can live with having the same first name but desperately want the middle name changed to drop that IV - I feel like I am fighting a losing battle.

Anyone else going through any of this? I want to rip my hair out and feel like all of the fun is being ripped away from us.

allonsyalonso · July 2014

jp8655 said:

ok...drowning in family nonsense over here! My husband is a III and his initials are JP (first and last) ever since the day we found out that I am pregnant he has been calling the baby JP4 (some of our family thinks it cute) I on the other hand think it is obnoxious and not an option.

Since then we have found out we are expecting a baby boy - I took the news pretty bad because I knew that the name game was going to cause EPIC problems. The latest response I have gotten from him is "you need to tell my father if you don't want him to be a IV" In my opinion - his dad gets zero say in what my child especially if since day 1 it seems that I have had no say. I can live with having the same first name but desperately want the middle name changed to drop that IV - I feel like I am fighting a losing battle.

Anyone else going through any of this? I want to rip my hair out and feel like all of the fun is being ripped away from us.

It actually sounds like your husband might be into the JP4 thing and that it might be important to him for his son to be the fourth. So I think you're saying that the fun is being ripped away from you.

You're right that FIL shouldn't get a say. I do agree with you there. But your husband does. As much as I wouldn't have wanted my son to be a Jr., if it meant a lot to my husband I'd have let him have the name. Especially if it was a generations old family naming tradition that meant a lot to the family.

jp8655 · July 2014

its absolute craziness in my house...my husband is into but the fun is being ripped away from both because we are on opposite sides. It seems that it doesn't even mean that much to him though to carry on the tradition ad that is what has me fuming. We are not royalty and it has to stop somewhere is my thought on it...

allonsyalonso · July 2014

I would have a serious discussion with your husband about how much this name means to him, to be honest. If it doesn't mean a lot to him, then put your foot down. If it does, this isn't a good battle to wage.

We never wanted to name our kids after a family member, but if one of us felt very strongly about a particular name we would have relented to the other. As much as I hate naming pressure, I would have given in to it for my husband if it meant a lot to him.

jp8655 · July 2014

I also think it means more to me to have the baby not be a IV than it does for my husband to have the baby be a IV...and to be honest I think that my opinion should matter, I am the one carrying him!

CandEChicago · July 2014

jp8655 said:
its absolute craziness in my house...my husband is into but the fun is being ripped away from both because we are on opposite sides. It seems that it doesn't even mean that much to him though to carry on the tradition ad that is what has me fuming. We are not royalty and it has to stop somewhere is my thought on it...

jp8655 said:
I also think it means more to me to have the baby not be a IV than it does for my husband to have the baby be a IV...and to be honest I think that my opinion should matter, I am the one carrying him!

Putting these 2 together to help out readers

orange1414 · July 2014

DH is also a III, but he has no interest in having our little guy be IV. He has had to tell his mother repeatedly, and it has been an ongoing battle, but at least DH and I are on the same page. I suggest you and your husband need to agree, and then HE needs to handle his family. Good luck!

brittandjp · July 2014

I think you guys need to get on the same page and need to communicate better about it. If he is REALLY that set on it, then find a compromise. Use the first name, pick a different middle or vise versa. It's not entirely fair for you to have to lean his way or him lean yours.

If you decide to drop the IV, then it absolutely is NOT your responsibility. It is his father, his news to share. That being said, I don't see why you can't be there to join in on the conversation.

CandEChicago · July 2014

I get that you are carrying the kid and you should have a say in naming without feeling railroaded.

However what I am struggling with is you married your DH knowing he was a #3 therefore #4 naming was a possibility. Heck... I married into a family naming tradition dating back before 1880. So I knew this was a possibility if we had a boy.

If you didn't want JP#4 then I personally would have nipped it in the bud before it became a cute nickname for baby. Also I am not sure how you and your DH are on opposite sides on this but it doesn't matter to him. If he wants you to break it to his father I read that as it does matter some to him.

Ultimately you need to have a conversation with your DH about how truly important this is to both of you. Perhaps you do the middle name change like you suggested or just keep with the initials and choose a different name with the initials.

JunkieBrewster · July 2014

is it more than you really really hate the name, Or that you want to win this fight? Because I'm not trying to be rude here, but I really can't Tell.
if your husband told you this name really meant a lot to him, is it still something you want to fight?

yes you are carrying the child, yes you have say, but your opinion is not more important than his. you guys are going to have to talk about it, and with out you pulling me "I'm carrying the child" card.

jp8655 · July 2014

It's not that I want to win I think that the tradition is dated and snobby. If it meant the world to him I would give in because that's the right thing to do but he started calling the baby "JP4" as a joke and I stated my opinion from the first moment he said it. He has said that it doesn't mean anything to him its about his dad...But changing the middle name keeps his dad and his name there as well as the lsat name...I also wouldn't play the i'm carrying the baby card.

I just don't think its something that you should give up on to avoid an argument. Ulimately I think that we both need to compromise and I have thrown out multiple options to get rid of the IV - I don't see it as a cute nickname I see it as a something a stuck up football player renames himself as.

Thank you for the feedback.

jp8655 · July 2014

RaeChay said:

I get that you are carrying the kid and you should have a say in naming without feeling railroaded. However what I am struggling with is you married your DH knowing he was a #3 therefore #4 naming was a possibility. Heck... I married into a family naming tradition dating back before 1880. So I knew this was a possibility if we had a boy. If you didn't want JP#4 then I personally would have nipped it in the bud before it became a cute nickname for baby. Also I am not sure how you and your DH are on opposite sides on this but it doesn't matter to him. If he wants you to break it to his father I read that as it does matter some to him. Ultimately you need to have a conversation with your DH about how truly important this is to both of you. Perhaps you do the middle name change like you suggested or just keep with the initials and choose a different name with the initials.
WSS. Couldn't have said it better.

thanks

CandEChicago · July 2014

jp8655 said:
It's not that I want to win I think that the tradition is dated and snobby. If it meant the world to him I would give in because that's the right thing to do but he started calling the baby "JP4" as a joke and I stated my opinion from the first moment he said it. He has said that it doesn't mean anything to him its about his dad...But changing the middle name keeps his dad and his name there as well as the lsat name...I also wouldn't play the i'm carrying the baby card.

I just don't think its something that you should give up on to avoid an argument. Ulimately I think that we both need to compromise and I have thrown out multiple options to get rid of the IV - I don't see it as a cute nickname I see it as a something a stuck up football player renames himself as.

Thank you for the feedback.

It sounds like you dislike the tradition more than the name. Naming traditions don't have to be seen as snobby. It's really what you make of it.

jp8655 · July 2014

CandEChicago said:

It's not that I want to win I think that the tradition is dated and snobby. If it meant the world to him I would give in because that's the right thing to do but he started calling the baby "JP4" as a joke and I stated my opinion from the first moment he said it. He has said that it doesn't mean anything to him its about his dad...But changing the middle name keeps his dad and his name there as well as the lsat name...I also wouldn't play the i'm carrying the baby card.

I just don't think its something that you should give up on to avoid an argument. Ulimately I think that we both need to compromise and I have thrown out multiple options to get rid of the IV - I don't see it as a cute nickname I see it as a something a stuck up football player renames himself as.

Thank you for the feedback.
It sounds like you dislike the tradition more than the name. Naming traditions don't have to be seen as snobby. It's really what you make of it.

I certainly don't like the tradition when it goes on this long...I dont like the nickname JP4 but i do like the first name. That is why the suggestion for the middle name change.

JaneArson · July 2014

I can see why you wouldn't love JP4 ... but JP8655 works really well.

Just kidding

I have no good advice. Just couldn't help myself to the joke

CandEChicago · July 2014

jp8655 said:

CandEChicago said:

It's not that I want to win I think that the tradition is dated and snobby. If it meant the world to him I would give in because that's the right thing to do but he started calling the baby "JP4" as a joke and I stated my opinion from the first moment he said it. He has said that it doesn't mean anything to him its about his dad...But changing the middle name keeps his dad and his name there as well as the lsat name...I also wouldn't play the i'm carrying the baby card.

I just don't think its something that you should give up on to avoid an argument. Ulimately I think that we both need to compromise and I have thrown out multiple options to get rid of the IV - I don't see it as a cute nickname I see it as a something a stuck up football player renames himself as.

Thank you for the feedback.
It sounds like you dislike the tradition more than the name. Naming traditions don't have to be seen as snobby. It's really what you make of it.

------------------------------------------

I certainly don't like the tradition when it goes on this long...I dont like the nickname JP4 but i do like the first name. That is why the suggestion for the middle name change.

If you are opposed to nickname JP4 then figure out another nickname to call him. It almost sounds like you aren't opposed to the name (first, middle, last).... just so long as he is not JP4.

My family personally has our own version of JP#4 (not those initials) and each of the people grandparent, father, son, and baby all have their own variant of the name as their nickname.

allonsyalonso · July 2014

CandEChicago said:

I get that you are carrying the kid and you should have a say in naming without feeling railroaded. However what I am struggling with is you married your DH knowing he was a #3 therefore #4 naming was a possibility.

I brought this conversation up to my husband and said exactly this.

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