Do you use time out?

kleigh926 · July 2014

This board is dead so I'll post about DH's Nana and ask a question about disciplining toddlers.

A couple days ago I posted a status on Facebook about it being funny when DD throws a temper tantrum in time out. It was supposed to be a lighthearted post which most people understood. However, yesterday DH's Nana posted a huge comment ranting and raving about the evils of time out. She said that it's meant for 5-6 year-old's, not toddlers. DD is just a baby and can't understand what is going on yet. It is the worst thing anyone ever came up with for children, it's too strict for a toddler, and won't work.

This woman is constantly meddling in other people's business and loves analyzing how everyone is raising their children. I wanted to say much more than I did in response (namely, "You had your chance to raise your children, now let me raise mine and don't tell me what works for my own kids") but I kept it semi-controlled. DD is not "just a baby" anymore. She's 18 months old and she is more than capable of understanding when she is being defiant. Her time-outs are never more than 1-2 minutes and we always give her a warning that time out is coming when she's not listening to us. I refuse to not discipline her at all, because I know she understands a lot of what is going on, and I don't want her to become this wild, out of control 2 or 3 year old because she hasn't had any discipline.

So, do you use time out as a disciplinary method? Do you think it works? If you don't use it, what do you do?

holly321 · July 2014

Dd couldn't care less about time out, so I don't use it on her, which means I don't really use it on ds. But, lately he keeps opening the fridge and climbing the stove, so as of yesterday, we started.

djm31012 · July 2014

We don't use time out - mainly because he doesn't get it and doesn't stay there, not because I think anything is really wrong with it . I more just remove ds from the situation and speak sternly to him to tell him no.

bumpuser7698452 · July 2014

Luckily we've had minimal tantrums so I've only put E in timeout once, which was more like a "chill out time". I don't even remember now what she was doing, maybe biting or something and she was overtired, so I just plopped her in her crib for maybe two minutes. She screamed and cried for a minute and then started playing so I figured that was long enough.

I didn't feel right doing it because I felt like she was too young to understand timeout yet, but I had told her "no" so many times already that I lost my cool and had to do something, but didn't know exactly what.

I'm glad she hasn't put me in that situation more often because I'm always second guessing myself on if it's the right thing to do.

tamarar5 · July 2014

E doesn't get the concept, though I have tried a few times. Right now, ignoring him wherever he flops down for his tantrum is the only thing that works. But I used them for C! I gee with DC, timeouts were designed for toddlers!

ericalee27 · July 2014

djm31012 said:

We don't use time out - mainly because he doesn't get it and doesn't stay there, not because I think anything is really wrong with it . I more just remove ds from the situation and speak sternly to him to tell him no.

This. I do remove him from situation if needed, but we do not try to make him stay anywhere for a specified length of time. We do use for DS1.

kleigh926 · July 2014

DC2London said:
LOL at putting a 5 or 6 year old in time out.
No, lady, toddlers are precisely for whom time outs were intended. The point is that they can not control themselves or conduct themselves properly in the situation, so you remove them from the situation temporarily so that they can regain their control and perspective. It's not meant to isolate or to punish, it's meant to forcibly redirect and reset. Team kleigh.

Exactly!!! We actually sit with her because she won't stay on her own, so she's not isolated at all. We used to put her in her crib for "time out" when she needed to be removed from a situation, but I didn't like that because she was by herself and she just started playing in the crib so it didn't seem effective. Now we sit her in a chair and sit in front of her while explaining why she is there and that if we tell her not to do something, she needs to listen. It seems to work most of the time, so I'm not planning on changing it for now. I just didn't like the judgmental, "you are doing this totally wrong" vibe that came across. DC, you could read it on my FB if you want and see if I'm overreacting. I might just be too sensitive because she pushes my buttons IRL.

BBS! · July 2014

Usually it's a toy getting him all spun up so we put the toy away and tell him it's in "time out." He usually is happy bc he knows that's it's frustrating him.

lbonga1 · July 2014

We use time out when DD is really not listening, and she's starting to go into melt down mode. FI had been putting her in her crib for it, but I told him that was going to turn out to be a bad idea, so we started putting her in a play yard type thing. We put a couple toys in there with her, and after a few minutes she'll calm down and start playing. At that point, we pull her out and she's content to continue playing without throwing tantrums.

PhieryBFly · July 2014

This may have been where nana was coming from but perhaps she should look into the societal norm of, 'if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.'

https://www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/discipline/time-out/why-time-out-is-out/

We're planning on using time ins when the need arises. She actually hasn't thrown any tantrums yet but every time I read about bad behavior and think, 'thank goodness DD doesn't do that!' she starts doing said thing a week later and I start kicking myself. So I'm assuming I'll have more experience on the topic next week. Boo.

eddy92482 · July 2014

I have never really had to discipline cooper because he is relatively mellow, understands no etc. I got a text this week from our babysitter that she put him a time out for biting another child. Now he has bitten this kid before and we are working on it with him, and she knows this, however we never talked about how we planned on disciplining our son and what we considered acceptable and what we felt comfortable with her doing. Time outs aren't something we planned on using for Cooper right now. I literally had to pep talk myself before I went in there because I didn't want to yell at this woman because she is wonderful. Her "time out" was sitting him on a step and explaining to him why he can't bite and teeth are for smiling not for biting. I had to tell her to reword her use of the term time out lol

marshmallows · July 2014

But Supernanny uses them so of course we will!! That woman has it down!

Puck1182 · July 2014

We don't do timeouts with DD, at least not in the "sit here for X minutes and think about what you did" sense. If she's throwing a tantrum over something, we just set her in her room and walk away. Once she realizes she isn't going to get what she wants or even get attention from us for behaving that way, she calms down pretty quickly.

I don't know that we'll ever do timeouts though. She's a lot lot DH and I were as children (fairly introverted and good at entertaining herself) and DH and I never really saw timeout as a punishment, so I suspect she'll be the same.

Rosebean · July 2014

I have used time outs, but only when DS was being a monkey and did odd behaviours with other children that could potentially hurt them. Like at the splash pad, he tried pushing a little girl. Every time I would pick him up and make him sit with me for a few moments. I made it really boring for him and after a few times he got the point. Push someone, fun ends. He has few temper tantrums, but when he does, he is left in the spot he's melting down in and he can come to me when he's calmed down. To me, those are timeouts... But we barely have to use them right now. I don't believe at 18 months you can really "reason" with them, but at this age, they certainly understand enough English and tone to get that something is wrong and there are consequences.

lc&jw · July 2014

Wow. Your DH's nana really sounds like a piece of work. Apparently she knows everything.

There's so much variability at this age as to what kids understand. Some kids will be ready for time out and for other kids it won't be that effective yet. I see nothing wrong with introducing the concept regardless, and there's a good chance that your DD does get it. If she doesn't yet, then she will soon.

The most important thing is that there's some kind of discipline. Letting them get away with stuff now just sets the stage for problems later down the line.

I've mostly been using redirection, distraction, or removing them from difficult situations where DS in particular doesn't seem to have enough self-control to behave appropriately.

I'm sort of starting to use time out in the sense that if DS stands on the small chairs we have for the kids, we put the chair in a "time out" in the pack n play for a minute or two and explain that we put the chairs away if he stands on them. For the kitchen/dining chairs, if he tries to stand on them we take him down from the chair immediately and he isn't allowed back up right away.

Do you use time out?

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