Interesting Article

Re: Interesting Article

• lookame3639 member

  July 2014

  I agree and disagree at the same time. I don't believe that while a child goes to the bathroom or whatever that a toy should be held for them. That could cause issues such as I put x toy down and y child picked it up now I want x toy back. However a child should never expect to just receive something they want. If a child brings toys and allows another child to play with them then that's one thing but demanding to play with a toy is another(and incredibly rude...both of the child and the mother). I also feel that if your child is riding around in a car or something for an hr and a half perhaps you should ask your child to play with something else so someone else could have a turn (depending on the situation).

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• Unknown

  July 2014

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• sharkmama39 member

  July 2014

  @mrsduarte8185 That's probably the best analogy you could have used. I completely agree with you on that!

  
  

  What I saw as a point of contention was the idea that its still yours even if you take a break to go to the bathroom. To me, that means your time is up. If you were the last person to be on the swing before going home for the night, does that mean you get first dibs on it in the morning? Probably not. 

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• KittyMisha member

  July 2014 edited July 2014

  redhorizon343 said:

  I think the author has confused sharing with turn-taking.Sharing, to me, would be offering to play together with a toy. Turn-taking is waiting for someone else to be finished before you play separately. 

  
  

  It seems like the author really actually likes a turn-taking approach. She cites an example where a strange toddler wanted to "share" a toy that belonged to her friend's son. She's right, that's inappropriate. You don't take turns with other people's things. 

  
  

  But when it comes to community toys, as in a classroom, or playground equipment, etiquette holds that those things are not yours to use exclusively. You use the the toy and you take your turn, when you are finished, give someone else a turn. IMO, if you have to stop to use the restroom, eat or whatever else, your turn is over. This is just basic etiquette, I don't really see what the big deal is.

  Edit for lack of quote fail.
  
  I agree with this completely. Sharing and turn taking are different, and each has their place. Personal possessions should be respected, but community toys call for turn taking.

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• violajack member

  July 2014

  I think there are too many entitled parents raising entitled children who use "sharing" to mean taking and that's what the author is reacting against. So yes, it may go a little too far the other way at times, but I'd rather my child feel secure in his possessions and let him know it's okay to say "not right now, I'm still using it" than feel like he has to sacrifice all the time to please others.

  I also see this as an extension of the articles coming out now about not forcing kids to hug strangers just because they're adults or even relatives that the kid never sees, although I think this article is older. One is about feeling secure in your person and that saying no should be respected, and this is about feeling secure in your property, even if it's community property that you're actively using.

  I'd rather foster a foundation of security and the idea that saying no is okay and should be respected, then expanding from there with times when it's appropriate to give some one else a turn before you feel done. But giving someone else a turn should come with the expectation that they will reciprocate and give you a turn again in a similar time frame, and that part gets missed a lot too.

  The other issues is that toddlers really do play "I want that one just because you have it" and as adults, we need to step in and let them know that that's not an okay reason to ask someone else to give something up. If we're at the library and there are 4 open computers, I shouldn't be allowed to kick you off the one you're using just because I want that one.

  It's also a developmental thing. Kids get absorbed in an activity and interrupting them and asking the to give someone else a turn is much more disruptive than asking the same thing of an adult. Cooperative play is a milestone that can't be rushed anymore than walking or talking can.

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