reciprocating invitations
SunAndRain
member
DH and I were discussing how we often reach out to other families to join us at events, or to come to our home. But...it seems like with the exception of two families, our efforts are not reciprocated.
Over the past year we have met many new families through DD's new school. We have invited a handful to our home. Our invites are usually accepted, sometimes the families have prior commitments. We have all seemingly gotten along, everyone seems to have fun, I've received some touching thank you notes in the mail (NOT expected at all!).
Maybe with the summer and people being out of town it is just a slow time for social gatherings. Maybe people are just busy. It is quite possible that I'm expecting too much. I know everyone is different. Some don't enjoy hosting at their home. Some are not great planners but are quite willing to go along with what ever. We are pretty laid back and informal so even an invite to the local park would be nice; I'm not expecting a four course meal. 
Maybe they are just not that in to us! Or it all this normal behavior and I'm sweating the small stuff? (I'm not really sweating it...I'm just wondering what the deal is)
If you consider your family to be socially active, how often do you get together with friends who have children who are of similar ages to your own? And do you find that a few families always tend to be the organizers or do people tend to return invitations?
Re: reciprocating invitations
It took us a while to really make some close friends through DS's friends at school and in sports. I would say there are only three families we get together with regularly.
As a parent of an only child I did tend to be the one reaching out more so I could get him together with other kids. Some people I stopped inviting over after a while because they never reciprocated, or I basically became a babysitter for their kid.
Now that we have an infant we are not as socially active as we used to be but we are doing something at least every other weekend if not every weekend.
I literally just had this discussion with MH. We don't have very many friends that have kids (maybe like 3 families I can think of), and with all but one of those, I feel like I am the one who is constantly doing the inviting. And it's not even always at our house or anything, but we might suggest a zoo date, or a children's museum date or something like that. And then we'll hang out and I'll hear nothing until the next time we set something up. And our invitations are always accepted unless those people are out of town or already have plans, but they're never reciprocated. I don't know if it's that they don't like hanging out with us or what, although I would assume if that was the case, they would decline the invitation.
Then I have tried to make new friends, so to speak, by inviting colleagues or former classmates who have kids but who we previously have never hung out with, to get together. And I get a lot of, "We're really busy right now, but let me get back to you at the end of the month," and then there's no follow-up. I can't tell if these people don't want to hang out with us, or if they are really just busy like they say, or what. But 99.9% of the time when we have plans, it's something we initiated. And honestly it's important to me for our family to have some sort of social life (growing up my parents literally had ZERO friends--we did not hang out with other families, there were not friends of my parents at our wedding, etc.) so I initiate if that's what it takes. It just makes me feel kind of crappy that it's never reciprocated is all. But it sounds like we are in the same boat.
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ok...I'll admit it...I don't reciprocate the neighborhood social invitations often...like...not since we moved into our current home. The main reason is because I'm shy.
I was not good at this when DS was a baby, and when I was pregnant with DD I was on bed rest for 2 months, then she was in the NICU...basically I fell off the planet as far as social engagements are concerned, that's been the last 6 months or so. I mostly mingle with daycare kids and neighborhood kids at birthday parties and when they invite us to stuff. Otherwise I stick with my family and with a small social circle of people I've known for a long time.
I'm trying to figure out how to get my head above the day to day water and get back into/get more into the neighborhood social scene and incorporate other neighborhood kids and their families into our circle of friends so DS and DD don't end up as the neighborhood hermit kids with the weird mom :P
So probably...it's not you it's them.
To be honest we had one set of friends we really liked who never reciprocated and I just stopped calling. I am now spending more time with the mom because of work and it really seems like they were just busy and set in their routines when DH and I were interested in getting together. I don't think it was personal.
1) We live on the complete opposite side of town from 95% of DS's friends, so I never invite any of them over. We are even having DS's birthday party at a park on their side of town.
2) I work 1-2 weekends per month, and we have enough trouble just getting necessary errands/housekeeping done on the weekends I work.
3) I have several separate social circles (daycare friends, med school friends, work friends, and "other,") so I try to rotate amongst all of them.
So, to answer your question: we try to get together with friends 1-2 times per month, but because of the factors mentioned above, we might go a few months in between seeing people within a given social circle.
I was actually just thinking about this. With older DD's bff, we've invited for playdates (just the kids), and over/out to dinner with the family. They've always reciprocated on playdates but never on family outings. Again, not sure if they are just super busy or don't want to be friends as much as we do
I get my feelings more hurt when people don't reciprocate with one-on-one family activities.
But we also host at least one big, adults only get together each year. And most of the time others don't have the interest/means to reciprocate. This does not bother me because some people just don't like to host at that level. I do these parties because I like them and it's a creative outlet for me.