Lesson learned the hard way... — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Lesson learned the hard way...

A few months ago my husband and i decided to have another child. Our 1st and only child is 8 which we had when we were 19 & 20. I had questioned myself if i really even wanted another chikd or if i was doing this because my husband really wanted another. A few days before Father's day Ifoubd out that I was prego. I was excited naturally. I started looking at baby stuff and thought of names and so on. I still would wonder if I really even wanted another child but I would do it for my husband because that's what he wanted. Then my 1st OB appt came...they told me the heart beat was low but it could be nothing. I tried not to worry. My follow up appt was Monday and I was told the baby hasn't grown in 2wks and there is no heart beat. I fell apart. I have felt like this is all my fault. I feel like God did this to show me how much I did want another child as much as my husband. All I can do is play a guessing game but now I want another child more than ever! Has anyone had similar experience/situation?

Re: Lesson learned the hard way...

  • It is absolutely normal to feel like you've done something to cause your miscarriage - I think we all go through that. BUT - there is NO WAY this is your fault. It's not. I also firmly believe that bad things don't happen to us because God is punishing us or teaching us a lesson. While He may use a bad situation to help us learn something or grow in some way, I believe it's Him bringing good out of a bad situation, not causing the bad situation. It's a fine line, but it's important. God wants the best for you - always. He grieves with each one of us, and carries us through. Your miscarriage is not punishment for not wanting the baby enough!!! 

    I haven't been in your exact situation, we're still trying for our first child after two miscarriages, but I had to jump in and add my two cents. ((hugs!))
    TTC since 8/13 
    BFP #1 - 1/15/14  MMC/D&C 3/6/14
    BFP #2 - 6/29/14 - on our first wedding anniversary! NMC 7/8/14
    BFP #3 - 2/11/15 - Also found out I have MTHFR deficiency - taking Foltx for more folic acid!
    BabyFruit Ticker
    kerbear135[Deleted User]
  • I have not been in this exact situation, but I can say, without a doubt, 100% certainty that this is NOT your fault. It is normal to feel like we are being punished (I wondered if this was Karma for something I may or may not have done), but please please please know you did nothing wrong.

    Having a child whether it's your first, second, third, etc is a big decision and having doubts is totally normal.

    I am so sorry for your loss and you will be in my thoughts and prayers this week

     

    Married 7/21/12

    Off bcp and ttc 9/1/13

    bfp 7/20/14, m/c 7/23

    will ttc again 8/14

     

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