Parents of 2+ kids, please come in...

MrsT0514 · July 2014

With baby #2 on the way, and a non nap, unpredictable, happy one minute but cranky the next, teething toddler type of day today, I'm finding myself stressed, hormonal, and in tears about feeling kind of maxed out, in need of a break, and sort of freaking about how the hell we're going to adjust from 1 kid to 2.

I just snapped at MH and feel badly about it, and lost patience wIth my toddler and raised my voice with him, which I feel awful about. So I'm just feeling really emotional and shitty right now. Its a vicious cycle and as soon as i get super maxed out, i feel guilty for feeling that way. I see some other moms out there, and it seems like they just have it all together, with an infinite amount of patience readily on hand. I, on the other hand, I feel like I'm still in need of training on how to keep my cool, while navigating through the crazy world of parenting.

Not really sure what I need right now...maybe a hug. Some other parents to tell me that we'll adjust to 2 kids and be just fine...and that I'm normal for feeling this way? Overall, of course we're elated to be having another baby. I'm so grateful and this was our plan (to have 2), so I guess I'm just having a bit of a situational psych out moment right now. Thanks for listening. It feels good to get it out...sometimes I feel like MH just doesnt understand when I try to talk to him about it.

MrsT0514 · July 2014

@CtGirl30 thank you so much for your input. I remember seeing some of your posts when you were in the thick of it and now, through your recent posts/updates i see how much easier its gotten for you guys, which is so encouraging.

Its tough bc DH is the one the working FT, and I'm home with the kiddo all day every day, then I work PT at night 2-3 nights a week, so our schedule is always busy. I'm incredibly grateful to DH for supporting our family (all my income pays for really is some groceries), but in the same breath, I feel like he doesnt really get it when I talk to him about how I feel in regards to feeling overwhelmed, in need of a break and just some room to breathe.

Also, it seems like there is never enough time in the day to get everything done, PLUS some quality family time. It seems like majority of the time, we're parenting in shifts and not "together" if that makes sense. Its frustrating.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

The user and all related content has been deleted.

jensriot · July 2014

Hugs to you! You can do it and everyone will be ok. The first year with two and then again with three were the hardest, but don't beat yourself up. Everybody has their own struggles, even if you don't see them. If I could have changed anything during the tougher times with new baby, it would be to be nicer to myself. My internal dialogue was full of terrible, guilt inducing thoughts. One day, a good friend told me to call her when I felt like a terrible mom. She said because, no matter what perceived horrible thing I was doing to my kids, she was probably doing it too.

I guess my point is that we all struggle and we all succeed in our own ways and don't co.parr yourself to other moms. You'll be great!

MrsT0514 · July 2014

@jensriot‌ Its so true, that a lot of the guilt is likely my own doing. I'm my own worst enemy sometimes, bc like you said, my internal dialogue is whats inducing the guilt...nothing else. So I guess I really just need to take a step back and a few minutes for myself from time to time and not feel guilty about it.

I do need to make more time for myself a priority. Especially bc lately, I feel like i dont ever have more than 5 minutes without my kid, unless im at work or after he goes to bed. So I guess I should really learn to be more direct (and use weekend time more wisely) and let DH know when I'm going to take a walk by myself, run to the store alone, go get a pedi, etc.

wino2006 · July 2014

It's totally normal to feel that way. I almost felt like it was more challenging to be pregnant with a preschooler than it was having a preschooler and a newborn. I was tired, crabby and uncomfortable. There will be freakout moments and moments of tears. I rarely have those moments now with my kids getting older. It gets easier. You will find your groove and eventually you will get to a point where you can't imagine life without both of them. It is so worth it in the end and these difficult days will soon be a distant memory.

algalphys · July 2014

I think everyone said it perfectly already...you adjust and you survive as best you can. Some days are horrendous and you end up crying, others you feel like a superhero!

DS2 is 10 months and most days I feel like DH and I still don't have our mojo back...

MrsT0514 · July 2014

@Mamasighs‌ I'm definitely hoping that I'll be pleasaat my surprised and we'll easily adjust! Either way, I know I'll enjoy having 2, even if it takes a while to find our new normal.

Like @wino2006‌ said, right now I'm feeling like its almost harder to have a toddler and be pregnant. I hate to rush my pregnancy (this very well may be my last, as I'm almost positive we're 2 & through), but I'm also really looking forward to having the baby here so I freely drink my coffee (and my wine, when needed!) and not have my hormones all crazy and out of whack.

Today was just a rough day...I know tomorrow will be a better one!

FrickandFrack · July 2014

I haven't read the other responses so please excuse if I am repeating what PP said.

You had a hard day. You will have plenty more. It's hard. Some days are better than the rest but you will absolutely find your groove with both kids. Make sure you do get the "me" time you deserve to calm down, relax and get your head in order.

You will be just fine. Congrats on LO#2.

MrsT0514 · July 2014

Thanks @FrickandFrack‌

We are very excited to have another LO coming...even if we're also a little nervous too!

dashofreality · July 2014

I agree with what everyone else said. I will also just add that the new baby will likely have a completely different personality. My son, makes me fully appreciate the joke "You are making it very difficult for me to be the parent I imagined I would be". He is a handful, while my daughter is much easier. But, my daughter pushes my buttons, and my son pushes my husband's.

You have a lot on your plate with being a fulltime sahm, working PT, having a toddler, and being pregnant. That is a lot. Yes, the first year was tough with 2u2, very tough at some points, but you move forward and do the best you can.

MrsT0514 · July 2014

@mcbenny‌ you're right, amd I actually did take a few minutes last night after we put DSto bed to let him jknow how I feel.

While he is an awesome, very Involved, amd hands on dad, I know his schedule is packed too, between FT work and then coming home and having to do it all for DS on the nights I work. But, I did mention to him that although I'm grateful for how helpful he is, it does feel like whenever both of us ar e home, he assumes I'll take care of the brunt of childcare, and only decides to step in when asked. i told him i need him to take more initiative in caring for ds when we're both home instead of assuming I'll do it and then disappearing out to the yard or garage to do whatever stuff he wants to get done.

Its just frustrating sometimes. He complains that there just arent enough hours in the day, amd that the yard work needs to get done too. Which I totally get, bc I feel the same about the housework getting done (and he does help with that stuff from time to time too. Its just a delicate balancing act that we're still trying to get down.

Thanks for the encouraging words/advice everyone. I really appreciate it

MrsT0514 · July 2014

@CtGirl30 that's a great idea for fitting in each parent's alone time as well as family time together.

All too often, I feel like him and I get into the "pain olympics" argument with each other, bickering about who has it harder, which is bullshit. He feels entitled to his alone time to get yard work or whatever else he wants to get done bc he's been stuck at work all week and then has DS by himself on nights I work... but I feel entitled to my alone time bc I've had our kid attached to my hip all week (except the nights I work). Both of us end up frustrated.

In the end, we can usually work out an agreement to allow each other the alone time we both need, but it sucks having to go thru a dumb argument to get there.

bensmommy518 · July 2014

I haven't read all the posts but want to share my experiences and offer you a big hug.

I had a rougher newborn period with the first one because I did not know what to expect, plus I had PPD and delayed getting help far longer than I should have. So far with number two things are going a lot easier. I know now that even on the tough days and nights that it will end and I just have to get through the day. That said DS (my first) has been amazing with DD and can entertain himself for short periods of time when I need him to. I have not had to deal with too much jealousy or sibling rivalry yet which can make the transition harder.

I had a much harder time while I was pregnant with number two than I have had so far with number two being on the outside. I am not a happy person when I am pregnant and my second pregnancy was far harder physically than my first. Pretty much the whole time I was pregnant I was freaking out inside thinking that if I cant handle being pregnant with a toddler how on earth would I handle having a baby with a toddler? It got so much easier once I was not pregnant anymore and was less of a hormonal roller coaster.

Your kids will have good days and bad days. You will have good days and bad days. When both of you have bad days together it can really suck, but remember that a day only lasts so many hours. Breaks from your kids are important, and communication with your partner is important. If you are not at your best and you yell - becasue you will yell at some point, just follow it up with an apology and move on. Kids are very resillant and know their mama loves them.

MrsT0514 · July 2014

@bensmommy518‌ thank you. Your kind words mean alot.

Honestly, this pregnancy has been kicking my ass physically, compared to my first, so I really think that has A LOT to do with my anxiety. I'm also way more hormonal this time around, so that definitely amps the anxiety factor.

Like I mentioned before, I certainly dont want to rush my pregnancy, bc its likely my last (we're almost positive we're 2 and through), and I want to enjoy it, but physically/mentally, I'm just friggin exhausted and not feeling the greatest, so I feel bad for my DS and DH...they're seemingly catching the brunt of this! I can only hope the transition is a smooth one once this baby is here and I'm not pregnant and hormonal anymore!

cyprissa · July 2014

Also, you have to learn to let some things go...my house is just way messier than it ever was even with one kid and sometimes that bothers me but it is more important at this point in time to save my sanity and for us to have good family time on the weekends since we both work full time. Some things get easier as the kids get older. For example, yard work is really fun for my 3 year old so on Sunday, I mowed the lawn and he mowed with me and then we dug weeds. If he wasn't into that, I would have opened up the sandbox and set-up the water table so he could play with those. He just needs way less hands on direction and supervision now. Of course, that's not the case with my 13 month old but he still naps twice a day...

bumpuser9058414 · July 2014

Hugs to you. I'm in the thick of it now with an almost 6 year old DD and a 5 month old DS. From 3 weeks to 3 months if DS was awake, he was crying and we've had a really tough go of it. I have a lot of guilt with sort of pushing DD to the side but things are slowly getting better. You'll make it through and be a stronger family for it. Good luck!

littlestjerry · July 2014

This thread is making me feel slightly less terrified.

MrsT0514 · July 2014

littlestjerry said:
This thread is making me feel slightly less terrified.

@littlestjerry‌ we'll just muddle through that shit together...sound like a plan?

shella923 · July 2014

A friend of mine is going to have a baby in Dec, with a 2.5 year old, who is NOT a good sleeper. In the MOTN when her son wakes up, her husband asks how they're going to do it with TWO. Like she said, you're not inventing the wheel, so many have done it...it might be hard, but in a couple years, it will pay off. DH is OAD and I'm on the fence....hope we are both gung ho for it by next summer.

NNGnome · July 2014

Thank you for this post, I have 2U2, the youngest turns 11 months tomorrow, and I can easily say that this last year has been the hardest in my life. Maybe I was lucky as DS1 was an easy baby, but I found adjusting to 1-2 much harder than 0-1.

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now that they have started playing together, but I am just hoping life will get easier after DS2 gets through the baby stage, because there seems to be constant screeming in my house, and it can be so hard some days.

flyingsaucer · July 2014

I didn't read all of the responses, but I have 2 littles and a 12 year old SS. Just before DD was born, I panicked and freaked out a about the thought of another baby (of course I was 9 mos preg so it was a little late for that). My experience with baby #2 was so much better than with my first. As much as it was crazier in the house, I was more experienced and more relaxed (with #2 I knew how to change a diaper give baby a bath, etc). The first 3 months were hectic, but we all just adjusted. Humans are amazing that way. DH and I often "divide and conquer", in the beginning, he would take the boys and I would take the baby. This way, the boys could still get to do all the stuff they loved (playing at the park, Chuck E Cheese, all that good stuff) while I got to have some alone time with the baby. Then we would switch , so that I could have time with the boys and DH could bond with the baby. We still often do this. With 3 kids, out house is a circus, but DH and I have learned to support each other (aka step in when the other is having a break down) and LET GO of trying to be in control all the time. Get a cleaning service for your house. Order in dinner if you need to. Get family to help or hire a sitter if you can. Forgive yourself for days when you are crazy. Your kids will. Good luck, it will be ok :-)

umma4babes · July 2014

Hugs. I know the anxiety. In my case, I think the anticipation was worse than reality. Any time my 3 year old would act up, I started getting extremely worried about dealing with his antics AND taking care of the baby. I'm not going to lie, it was/is a challenge. My baby is now 6 months and I feel like things are starting to settle. And like everything else, there are good days and bad days. But good days are starting to outweigh the bad

. Good luck, you can do this!

Want a personalized experience?

Parents of 2+ kids, please come in...

Re: Parents of 2+ kids, please come in...

Choose Another Board

Search Boards