Controlling Parents

michellecapo · July 2014

Do a lot of people feel like their parents always think they know best? My dad feels because he raised 3 girls that he knows it all and wont listen to me!

I have been reading a lot about putting blankets in the crib and how it can suffocate the baby. My LO is 10 months today and these articles freaked me out! Finally, I decided no blankets when hes sleeping. I told me dad who watched him yesterday not to put a blanket in his crib for naps. I also told him that hed take his afternoon nap at 2 because hes teething and is more tired lately.

I went to pick him up and he was still taking his afternoon nap, went down at 2:30! It wouldn't be a problem if he wasn't tired but my sisters all told me he was really tired at 1:15 and they all told me parents who ignored them because my parents had friends over! 5:00 rolls around and I go up to check on him and I can't see him in the crib, then i spot him in the corner, on his tummy with the blanket over his head!!! I freaked out, I ripped the blanket, which was stuck underneath him, off him and he thankfully woke up! I was so happy he was ok but I was also pissed my dad put it in the crib!

So I confront him and hes so unconcerned about the welfare of my son, and said he put it on the side of the crib and the baby brought it in the crib! Blaming a baby instead of just apologizing and realizing I was upset. They blamed it on my that it was never a rule and that I didn't pack long pants for him and he'll be cold without a blanket. How ridiculous! Just respect my wishes! He's my son. Then they have the nerve to tell me I'm always critisizing the way the babysit. Like when he should be sleeping but isn't. It happens very regularly that they keep him up longer than he should be awake. I know my baby and I know when he'll be tired. Then they throw in my face how much the sacrifice of their lives watching him and their day doesn't start until I pick my baby up. I'm so over them watching him and then drama it causes. They watch him two days a week and took off a day of work to watch him. I've never asked them to do it and ALWAYS thank them.

Sorry for the long vent.

Anyone have situations like this or advice on how to handle?

ILMomma · July 2014

I had the same problem with my MIL. Basically you just have to level with them and let them know you don't care how they raised you, he is your child. If they don't want to babysit and do things your way, then you will find other arrangements. Period.

flcl · July 2014

Lurking from 3-6months. I guess I can see both sides. My mom is going to be sacrificing a lot to take care of LO when I go back to work and we're so grateful that we have family who will be watching him plus it'll be free childcare. That being said, I already know that she's going to do certain things the way she wants to and I won't have any control over that. With the timing of your LO's naps, if it doesn't affect his disposition or his ability to sleep, then it doesn't matter what time he naps at. It's a different story if LO is cranky, overtired and unable to sleep at night. (This is exactly what happens whenever my ILs take LO for an afternoon so I get how annoying not following sleepy cues can be.) I also second MrsMuq's rec of sleepsacks... they're safe to use instead of blankets and really cozy! Maybe you can get a few and leave them with your dad. Ultimately though, if you're really unhappy with the care he's providing LO, you may have to look somewhere else but that may just be an even bigger fight with your dad. GL.

sschwege · July 2014

I say you dock their salary, oh wait...

Seriously though, if it's a safety issue then you put your foot down. I gave my babies blankets from 6 months on, but if that's a safety issue for you then provide them with a sleep sac and tell them no blankets, no exceptions. If they violate your safety rules then find someone else to watch your child.

As for the time they put baby down, I think you need to either let those things go or hire somebody who will follow your directions to the letter. You sound like you are being pretty controlling and I wouldn't like it if I was helping someone out and they were upset with me because I put their child down 30 min past schedule.

There's no such thing as a free lunch so they say. The drawback to 'free' childcare is that you have to be willing to let certain things go.

ILMomma · July 2014

I agree you need to pick your battles. Nap time isn't too critical unless it's messing up his night time sleep but something more serious such as suffocation shouldn't be taken lightly. My MIL would constantly leave my LO on the bed unsupervised because he "didn't like" his pack n play. I had to get tough with her on that.

Carmen101613 · July 2014

I think we all face issues like this when our parents/ in laws watch our children. Just remember that they are your parents, they love you and your DS. Remember that you are lucky to have them in your life. I understand why you are upset, but don't alienate them.

michellecapo · July 2014

Thanks for your input. The thing with the nap wasn't brought up by me, it was brought up with them and became a fight. I get that its free day care, but I am still the parent and I want them to focus on my son, not their own schedule. Maybe I should lighten up a bit and not care if its a half hour, but he was tired for over an hour.

We have someone that we pay 3 days a week and listens to us and I've told my parents if they don't want to sacrifice their time then I'll pay someone.

As for the blankets, thats what I was really upset about and they didn't really care. We use sleep sacks at home for him though, which are great, thanks for the suggestion!

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