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August 2014 Moms
chellelxxxv
member
Am I being selfish? (Long post, but I need feedback)
chellelxxxv
member
This might be my third post (if that), I'm usually a lurker, but I'll try to get straight to the point.. Bear with me..
I am 36 wks and have had multiple "issues" this whole pregnancy. Started from enlarged yolk sac, then went to elevated AFP/MoM, then baby was deemed "small" falling into a very low percentile, my placenta being thickened, to the most current issue of him remaining breech. I've had a million ultrasounds, and up until my last one Friday everything is good as far as growth, blood supply, amniotic fluid and fetal movement.
My primary OB called and left a message stating that after talking with my MFM dr that they wanted to schedule a c-section on 8/8, which is after she returns from vacation. My due date is 8/21. When I asked my MFM at my lady u/s why they would do it earlier than my due date, the response was "if the baby's growth slows it is better to do it earlier vs later so he can get the nutrients he needs outside, but if not then waiting another wk is fine."
Today my mom (who lives out of state) asked since they are scheduling it to ask if it could be pushed to 8/15 bc that's when her vacation that she specifically booked to come help out starts. I told her I would see what the dr says at my appt. When I go tell my fiancé about the discussion I just had with my mom, he immediately gets an attitude and says "if she can't make it on the 8th, she can just come up the 15th." I explained to him that I want her to be there and how important it is to me, and his response was "as long as I'm there it shouldn't matter." He said if his mom who literally lives maybe 4 blocks from the hospital can't make it then "oh well." Then he also implied that he felt the docs came up with that date for a reason and I may be putting our son at some sort of risk. Obviously I wouldn't risk my sons health for anyone, but this is what he implied. If the baby came tomorrow, my mom would just have to figure it out..duh! The thing is I haven't asked my dr yet bc it's the weekend and not an emergency. I also just found out his mom is off the 8th but working the 15th.
Am I wrong or being selfish, for wanting my mom to be there (if the docs say it's safe to wait another wk)? I'm a first time mom, and I just want her support. His mom experienced the birth of her first grandchild last yr with his sister.
Sorry so so long, but feedback please!
I am 36 wks and have had multiple "issues" this whole pregnancy. Started from enlarged yolk sac, then went to elevated AFP/MoM, then baby was deemed "small" falling into a very low percentile, my placenta being thickened, to the most current issue of him remaining breech. I've had a million ultrasounds, and up until my last one Friday everything is good as far as growth, blood supply, amniotic fluid and fetal movement.
My primary OB called and left a message stating that after talking with my MFM dr that they wanted to schedule a c-section on 8/8, which is after she returns from vacation. My due date is 8/21. When I asked my MFM at my lady u/s why they would do it earlier than my due date, the response was "if the baby's growth slows it is better to do it earlier vs later so he can get the nutrients he needs outside, but if not then waiting another wk is fine."
Today my mom (who lives out of state) asked since they are scheduling it to ask if it could be pushed to 8/15 bc that's when her vacation that she specifically booked to come help out starts. I told her I would see what the dr says at my appt. When I go tell my fiancé about the discussion I just had with my mom, he immediately gets an attitude and says "if she can't make it on the 8th, she can just come up the 15th." I explained to him that I want her to be there and how important it is to me, and his response was "as long as I'm there it shouldn't matter." He said if his mom who literally lives maybe 4 blocks from the hospital can't make it then "oh well." Then he also implied that he felt the docs came up with that date for a reason and I may be putting our son at some sort of risk. Obviously I wouldn't risk my sons health for anyone, but this is what he implied. If the baby came tomorrow, my mom would just have to figure it out..duh! The thing is I haven't asked my dr yet bc it's the weekend and not an emergency. I also just found out his mom is off the 8th but working the 15th.
Am I wrong or being selfish, for wanting my mom to be there (if the docs say it's safe to wait another wk)? I'm a first time mom, and I just want her support. His mom experienced the birth of her first grandchild last yr with his sister.
Sorry so so long, but feedback please!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Am I being selfish? (Long post, but I need feedback)
As for me, I completely get it. I guess it's just that I know my mom wants to be there and I want her there too. Either way I know she will do whatever she has to do to be there for me. If it happens on the 8th she'll just have to come, leave, then come back again. Def not the worst thing in the world, just very inconvenient. I just figured what was the harm in asking. If the answer is no, then so be it.
As for your you FI being angry, I am guess it is because it seems like it is more important to you to have your mom there than the father of your baby. My parents live close (DH's live in Florida) and while I know they will be at the hospital, the only person who will be in the room with me when I deliver is DH. It is important to him that it bee a special moment between us. Your FI might be feeling that same way. Just like you, he might have pictured the birth going a certain way and your mom being the main source of support wasn't what he had in mind.
If your mom is coming to help, the I would think her coming the week after the baby is born will be more helpful. If you are having a c/s then you are going to be in the hospital for 3 days or so anyway. You will need the most help when you return home and your FI returns to work, so her coming on the 15th might work out really well. This whole pregnancy sounds like it didn't quite go the way you planned, but try to look for look for the silver lining. GL!
4 rounds of clomid, 2 with IUI = BFN
that being said...your child's health should come first above who can and can't be at thebirth. Sometimes we ccan't have the birth we always envision in our heads and honestly that's ok. If your care providers feel that he is much better outside than in then it's probably for a very good reason. A week longer in the womb with a growth restriction may be more detrimental then that week being out.
Like I said call or email your care providers and see what they say about that date. Ask all the questions and come to an informed decision not based on who can and can't be there for the birth, but for the health and safety of your child.
um what?
_____________________________
I didn't read everyone else's responses, so sorry if this is a repeat. I'd talk to your doctor and make the decision purely based on baby's situation. Leave the mom's out of it. If your doctor feels like the baby is getting what it needs in utero, then waiting is what's best for baby. If your doctor is concerned that your baby isn't getting what it needs, then go with the earlier date.
It's not selfish to want your mom there and even if his mom had to work she could be there right afterward...but none of that should really matter.
Agree with both of these wise ladies. I honestly don't think it should play a part in your decision-making at all and, quite frankly, if I told my mom that my doctors had scheduled a tentative date based on what they felt was best for my baby and my mom then asked me to push it back a week because it'd be more convenient for her, I'd be really annoyed with my mom for prioritizing that way. But then, maybe I'm just tougher on my mom than most.
In the end, if you're concerned about the date for reasons other than your mom getting to be there, go ahead and talk to your doctor about it. But if that's the only question you have, I personally wouldn't ask and would go along with the prescribed plan. Like PPs have said, it'll be more helpful for her to be there after you're discharged from the hospital anyway and, either way, you and your significant other are really the only ones who need to be there at all.