Huge feeling of anxiety surrounding labor & delivery

[Deleted User] · July 2014

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angeltennis3 · July 2014

I actually knew I was ready to have a baby when the thought of childbirth did not scare me out of a baby! I have a low pain tolerance so I am nervous for sure.

I just keep telling myself the pain will end, but the joy of having my baby girl will last for the rest of my life. That is completely worth the pain and recovery involved with childbirth and what keeps me from getting too scared. I also tell myself it's coming whether or not I freak myself out about it...so I might as well not freak out and make it a bigger deal than it is.

Emerald27 · July 2014

((Hugs)) I think it's a totally normal fear. No one can tell you, really, what contractions feel like, because they're so different from anything you've ever experienced. I've likened it to gas pain or menstrual cramps, but that's not a really good comparison. Also, you have no idea how long your labor will be or what to expect. Every mother and every birth are different!! It's just impossible to say what it will be like for you.

That said, your body was made for motherhood! Birth is beautiful and you are capable of things you've never imagined..DS' birth taught me this, and even though I didn't have quite the experience I hoped for, I was pretty damn proud that I could grow and birth and nurture a human.

The good news about the "baby exiting vagina" issue is that the pushing tends to hurt much much less than the pain of contractions. Lots of mothers say that pushing actually relieved the pain of labor!

Emerald27 · July 2014

Also, when I was pregnant with DS and would start to feel anxious, I would tell myself; "it's only a day. I can do anything for just a day." ...and most labors are far fewer than 24 hours!

MuffinMom14 · July 2014

I'm telling myself the same as @Emerald27. And moms I trust have said the same. It's ONE day. It sucks. But they also got epidurals, which I want, and they said it's not awful. Recovery sucks. But again, it's a short time.

That said, I'm with you OP. I'm scared to DEATH.

I might be more scared of breastfeeding, actually because I hear more painful stories about that, and that can last 6 weeks before it's not so painful. But I've also heard those babies had latch issues, so I don't know.

ALL of the above is cool to say, but we thought we wanted two kids, and I keep saying now, "Um, let's see how the first one goes first."

melszum · July 2014

Everyone has a different birth experience but I don't know anyone who walked away from it remembering any if the negative parts. I had a pretty normal delivery last time. I had an epidural so no pain . The worst part was throwing up while in labor! Honestly there is so much adrenaline and so much excitement about meeting the baby. When you finally see your baby all is forgotten and of core it can't be that bad bc so many ppl have 2+ kids!

miriamm08 · July 2014

FTM here, and I can definitely sympathize with how your feeling. This was my biggest fear when I first found out I was pregnant. I think the fear has lessened for me because I refuse to listen to negative birth stories, and I use positive affirmations like "I can do this" and "my body knows what it's doing" and I have tried practicing some hypnobirthing techniques (I know it sounds weird, but it helps for me). I can't say my fear is completely gone, but I'm definitely better than I was! You can do this! Sending positive vibes your way!!:)

ETA: edited for spelling

MrsSarahRenee · July 2014

Me too. Like in therapy about it. Just wanted you to know you aren't alone.

flygyrl2929 · July 2014

I am a FTM and I have been addicted to the birth stories in the June and July threads. I think reading them helps me prepare for a lot of different outcomes and hearing how they felt through the process is helping me understand a little of what I may end up feeling. I don't know if reading them will help you but it has me.

raynes · July 2014

Last time I found that reading through LOTS of birth stories helped me a lot. It really gave me a sense of how broad the range of "normal" is, and when some weird things that can happen (like crazy shivering after you get an epi) are totally normal.

I really liked Ina Ma Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth (though not really the birth stories, just skip to the second part of the book).

You've got this!

MrsSarahRenee · July 2014

raynes said:
Last time I found that reading through LOTS of birth stories helped me a lot. It really gave me a sense of how broad the range of "normal" is, and when some weird things that can happen (like crazy shivering after you get an epi) are totally normal.

I really liked Ina Ma Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth (though not really the birth stories, just skip to the second part of the book).

You've got this!

Actually I like the birth stories because they are empowering. I haven't gotten to the second section yet. Just go into it knowing that it is biased against hospitals. If you read it knowing that though it is really good!

IrishHoney123 · July 2014

MrsSarahRenee said:

Last time I found that reading through LOTS of birth stories helped me a lot. It really gave me a sense of how broad the range of "normal" is, and when some weird things that can happen (like crazy shivering after you get an epi) are totally normal.

I really liked Ina Ma Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth (though not really the birth stories, just skip to the second part of the book).

You've got this!
Actually I like the birth stories because they are empowering. I haven't gotten to the second section yet. Just go into it knowing that it is biased against hospitals. If you read it knowing that though it is really good!

This. I found Ina May's book reassuring. The birth stories are "crunchy," but are helpful in reinforcing how natural and doable labor and delivery are. You will be fine!

One more thing-your anxiety will probably diminish as your due date gets closer. I know for me, by the time my due date came I didn't care how that baby came out!

themiss · July 2014

I am taking a Hypnobirthing class, and we just finished our second class. It's been incredibly helpful to me so far, even just to be able to have open conversations about fears, where they come from, etc.

Something to keep in your mind, is that the more you are afraid and have fear based thoughts, the more you will naturally tighten up all of your muscles throughout your body, making it harder to give birth. Your uterus is just a giant muscle, it works like any muscle, and your body was designed for it to work.

I find, when I tell myself that, it helps calm me. It's just a giant muscle doing it's job and getting a baby out of me is its job

Take breaths, think calm thoughts, and try to get your body to relax as much as possible.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

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AmandaJean12 · July 2014

I actually won't listen to the horror labor stories anymore. I will just cut people off. I read the Ina May book and it left me feeling like, ok, let's do this. I'm trying to hold into that.

I also keep telling myself I can deal with anything for a day if it ends with them handing me my baby.

megaddie · July 2014

I'm not too scared (yet) about the actually delivery, more about when it starts and when to get to the hospital, etc. I'm used to pain--granted, migraine pain (and horrific cramps) are totally different, but I know I can handle pain. Breastfeeding and pumping and such is making me much more nervous..,,

Bnjarrell13 · July 2014

Oh my gosh. That is so me! I'm completely terrified. The contractions alone freak me out...and how long it's going to take..and complications and the baby actually coming out! You're not alone. I've been telling myself the same thing..that billions of women have done this so somehow so can we. 10 more weeks! Ah!

MrsMac613 · July 2014

I was terrified of childbirth until I found out I was high risk. It put thing in perspective for me and now when the time comes I'm so ready to take on labor. I have no idea what it will feel like or what to expect as a FTM but I really just want to have a healthy baby placed into my arms. Your feelings and fears are completely valid but I think the anticipation of meeting your LO will soon ease your fears some. Especially as you get near the end.

It also helps me to look at my friends with babies and see that they aren't traumatized and how "normal" they are again afterward.

I think I'm far more fearful of the recovery than the actual birth. But again having a darling baby home with me makes even that less scary.

ariel06 · July 2014

I was fully in denial about the birth part of pregnancy with DS1. When I found out he was breech at 34 weeks and that I would need a c/s. I put off worrying because I had a set c/s date. My water broke 1.5 weeks before that set date, which was the biggest blessing for me. I didn't have time to worry about it and just had to live in the moment.

With DS2, I knew that I could handle a c/s (which in my head was worse case scenario), so I had the confidence ask lots of questions and I felt very in control of my birth experience. There's something about when they put the baby in your arms for the first time that makes you forget it all. Focusing on that helped me a lot.

Klavanga74 · July 2014

I think it's totally normal to feel this way. I was pretty freaked out the first time and I don't remember how I felt the second time...

I had five hour labors with both kids from the time that I was sure I was in labor. Yup, it hurts, and with the first, I didn't have any drugs. Spent some time in a bathtub, which helped, but I have to say, the contractions themselves felt manageable to me. The second time, I opted for an epidural right away and it was blissful. I could still move my legs, I probably could have walked if I needed to, but I didn't feel any of the pain. So if it's pain that you're worried about, just remember you have options for that. As for watching the baby come out, I never wanted to see. They always offered me a mirror - no thanks! I didn't want to see my body contorting that way and neither did my husband. Even if we wanted to, he had strict instructions to remain by my head! But that's just me, some people want to see and that's cool, too. There are a lot of unknowns going into it - I'm feeling a little nervous about doing it again, too - but know that you have choices along the way.

One thing I will say and I ALWAYS tell first time moms...after the baby is born they do a "uterine massage". This is not a pleasant massage. They dig their hands into your belly (some nurses are nicer than others) and massage to help your uterus contract down. No one told me about this in advance and I'd just pushed for 90 minutes in the middle of the night and got stitched up and the nurse didn't even warn me she was going to do it and she was rough. I was PISSED! So, I would just kindly ask your nurse to warn you before she does it and to be as gentle as she can.

Other than that, do your best to trust that your body knows what to do!

Saragoeswest · July 2014

IrishHoney123 said:

MrsSarahRenee said:

raynes said:
Last time I found that reading through LOTS of birth stories helped me a lot. It really gave me a sense of how broad the range of "normal" is, and when some weird things that can happen (like crazy shivering after you get an epi) are totally normal.

I really liked Ina Ma Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth (though not really the birth stories, just skip to the second part of the book).

You've got this!
Actually I like the birth stories because they are empowering. I haven't gotten to the second section yet. Just go into it knowing that it is biased against hospitals. If you read it knowing that though it is really good!

This. I found Ina May's book reassuring. The birth stories are "crunchy," but are helpful in reinforcing how natural and doable labor and delivery are. You will be fine!

One more thing-your anxiety will probably diminish as your due date gets closer. I know for me, by the time my due date came I didn't care how that baby came out!

--

I actually liked the birth stories part of this book because it gave me a great sense of the stages of labor. And different pain management techniques. I'm going to go back and pull some for DH to read.

HappyCianci · July 2014

Hey, mama. Everyone has great things to say. I just wanted to offer hug and support! You will rock this labor. I'm reading a book right now called Mindful Birthing that you might find helpful. There's lots of info on mindfulness/meditation as a way of approaching labor and delivery calmly.

andrieya · July 2014

I almost started crying on the train while reading the bump's post about top 10 delivery and labor fears....and I am NOT an emotional person! But it hit me how really terrified I am of the day it comes. 10 weeks to go and I'm excited to meet the (this week) cucumber, but the process of it getting here....AGH!! 8-X

brimacos · July 2014

This is my second pregnancy. My kids will be 16 months apart. Honestly, the epidural is glorious. It still hurt a little but much much better. Immediately after birth I told my hubby I could do it again. The first 3 months with a newborn is harder. Get the help and support from friends and family. Ask for it or accept when they offer help. You are going to do great.

the babes are amazing and it doesn't stop us from doing it again. You can totally do this.

TinyTRex321 · July 2014

Hopefully this is helpful and not scary but I had a long (3 day) and not ideal induction/ delivery with my son and it seriously was still not that bad at all. You do what you need to and it all works out. The next day I was telling my husband it wasn't so bad and I that I would do it again some day. Seriously in the moment I ended up being a lot calmer and stronger than I thought and I'm a big wuss usually.

My biggest advice is don't have expectations set ahead of time on how things must happen. It's fine to have a plan of what you would like but be okay with that plan needing to change at any point. If you go into it trusting your doctors and educates on different possibilities and willing to roll with the punches it will be much easier mentally.

You have got this!

white714 · July 2014

I felt the same way before I had DS, but once they put him in my arms I thought it was totally worth it and I haven't even thought about that with this LO. I said I would do it 10 more times. I had the epidural and felt no pain, honestly the most painful part after the whole experience (for me) was having a BM! I was very anxious while I was in the hospital (I was induced) but the nurses were very nice and they'll take care of you. It went by so fast and next thing you know you'll have your LO in your arms.