The waiting game...(and an intro)

fawn92 · July 2014

Hi everyone.

I'm sorry that any of us have to be in this group.

But I am so grateful that it is here.

Allow me to first introduce myself a little.

I am 35, married two years. This is my first pregnancy and mc.

Well, I have actually not miscarried yet but was told on Friday to "expect a miscarriage" and the diagnosis was "fetal demise" (the tech could not find a heart beat. I should have been 10 weeks and 1 day, measuring 9 weeks 3 days) Thankfully my doctor told me over the phone as we were headed to our family's cottage so we turned around and came home.

I went in for a second ultrasound yesterday as nothing has happened yet (no symptoms of miscarriage). I know that it can take some time for a mc to take place naturally but this waiting is so hard.

I'm also very confused as the second u/s went quite differently than the first. She showed me the baby (will they do this if they know the fetus is not viable?) She also seemed surprised when I told her that there was no heart beat the last time. (Or perhaps that's how I wanted to read her response?) She asked me if I noticed any more symptoms over the weekend and if the first ultrasound took place at the same location (it had) She also did not do a transvaginal us whereas the first tech did. When I asked the second tech if she'd be doing one, she said no.

I called the doctor's and was told the results would not be in for 3-4 days.(On friday when they found no heartbeat, they rushed it to my doc and I had the results in 3 hours)

I'm not really sure what I'm looking for.

Maybe just to share where I am at as I am feeling in limbo and really don't know what group to fit into right now as I haven't technically miscarried but I've been told it's coming. (Please feel free to suggest another group if there's one better suited to what's happening for me.)

I haven't told my family as I don't really know what to tell them yet. I am at home from work as I am a counsellor for children and youth and am in no shape to help others right now.

Just feeling a little lost and sad and confused I guess.

I appreciate this group and your listening.

mrsjg2013 · July 2014

I am very sorry that you find yourself here. ((HUGS)) With my first loss, my body held on for about 5 weeks from the time the baby stopped growing until the time I miscarried. Unfortunately, it's a highly emotional waiting game. I'm not sure if your doctor has talked to you about other options, but there are some ways in which you won't have to wait for your body to do it's thing naturally.

I originally didn't feel like telling very many family members about the losses, but I found that I really needed and appreciated their support. Sometimes they don't always say the right things (mostly because there really aren't the "right" words), but I know that they love me and care about how I'm doing. Tell them in your own time, in your own way when you're ready.

Take care of yourself physically and emotionally. I hope you find comfort and support here.

SunshineShades · July 2014

** Ticker warning**

I am so sorry for your loss. I also had a long wait for my miscarriage to complete, including diagnosis.

I went in for my 8 weeks ultrasound and LO had stopped growing at 5-6 weeks (June 26th). They wouldn't say it was a miscarriage, said maybe I had my dates wrong. 2 days later I started bleeding. A week later (July 3rd) I had another u/s this one came back as 'suggested miscarriage'. 5 days later (July 8th) I went for another ultrasound and finally at that point it was confirmed I was having a miscarriage. Since there was still a sack etc my doctor referred me to a specialist for a D&C. I finally had my d&c this past Friday on July 18th after 3 weeks of bleeding, 5-6 weeks after LO stopped growing.

The wait can definitely be very hard, not just physically but emotionally as well. Like others said, there are ways to speed things up if you do not think you can emotionally or physically handle waiting (possibly) weeks. I really wish I had been able to have a D&C earlier. For me (so far) recovery has been easy and it is a relief to me to not be waiting in limbo any longer.

As for telling family, we told a few people immediately because they knew we were pregnant. I did not tell my mum until we had the d&c appointment confirmed. I also made DH tell her because I couldn't. Who you tell and when is your choice. There is no rush to tell anyone if you do not think you are ready or able just yet.

ambmama · July 2014

Ticker warning.

I'm so sorry form your loss. Hugs!

fawn92 · July 2014

Thanks everyone for your warm words and kindness.

The family I am referring to actually knows about the pregnancy as I *just told them literally days before finding out. But I just don't have the heart to tell them yet when I really don't have a lot to go on just yet. I think I will wait until I've decided on my options, etc.

Did anyone here take time off work while they were waiting for a natural miscarriage to happen? I have a month's worth of edited:sick time accumulated (thank goodness) but I *really don't want to use it all. However, I know that work is not the best place for me to be while I'm in limbo. Curious how others handled this.

Thanks again.

fawn92 · July 2014

Thanks for sharing @heartbot. I'm sorry you had to go through this as well.

that's what I'm thinking too about time off. (waiting til something starts happening) Problem being, I work as a counsellor for youth on a crisis line. So I'm constantly dealing with high crisis situations, talking about really stressful stuff. So as hard as it is to sit and wait, I'm also not sure work is a great environment for me right now as I am not in the space I need to be in order to be most supportive and helpful. At the same time, my co-workers are most definitely going to wonder where I am as I never use my sick time (hence why I have so much banked

Once I hear from my doctor, perhaps I will talk to them about the option for misoprostol or a d&c to help things along.

fawn92 · July 2014

Thanks ladies. I'm really hoping I hear from the doctor by Friday at the latest. It feels like a lifetime to wait. If I don't, perhaps I will go back to work until I start seeing signs of miscarriage. I hope it's ok to ask...do you start to see signs before you really need to be home for the most difficult part? I guess I'm afraid it will start happening when I'm at work and I won't have time to get home (one hour commute on the transit system)

Also, I decided to tell my mom today. I'm glad I did. She was sad, and we both cried, but it feels like a weight has been lifted as I didn't want to 'hide' it but wished I had more concrete answers before telling her was all.

Thanks again so much. It has helped a great deal to have a space to let my thoughts out to people who genuinely understand.

fawn92 · July 2014

@LDubHawksFan I'm sorry to hear how it went for you, but I appreciate you sharing your story as well. That makes sense, to wait for the weekend to take the meds a second time. I will keep that in mind as I really don't want to miss more work than I have to either.

SunshineShades · July 2014

**ticker warning*

Since I had a D&C I never had any really heavy bleeding. For me the bleeding started with only being when I wiped for a few days. Then it became like a light period. It never really increased, except for one day at work when I did too much heavy lifting. I understand your worries though, that was my biggest scare that I would have a big gush of blood while at work or out in public.

I think everyone is diffferent, some women only have light bleeding leading up the the actual miscarriage, others it's quick. You could bleed for weeks and never pass anything, which is what happened to me.

As for time off, I only work p/t but I took one day off when my bleeding increased and I thought that things were going to finish. Other than that I only took the day off for my d&c. My job is not stressful though like yours sounds. I will tell you if you chose the d&c route you are supposed to avoid strenuous activity for a week after.

mommybear87 · July 2014

I am so sorry for your loss.The waiting game is the hardest. I had an early miscarriage before my most recent loss and while I was only a few weeks along waiting for everything to happen was so hard. Remember to make yourself comfortable and don't forget to cry. My aunt told me this and boy was it a release. Hoping the best for you out of this situation. and like my Husband likes to remind me "Adventure is out there and Ours (yours) isn't over yet." Breath. and know you have support. ((hugs))

fawn92 · July 2014

Thanks everyone. The waiting is most definitely stressing me out.

I'm still waiting to hear back from the second ultrasound that was done on Monday.

I don't think I can go the weekend so I am going to call the doctor's office today and check in. Either way I have to go in as I need a doctor's note. I've decided I'm going to go back to work on Monday. I am not sure I'm up for it as the wait is wearing me down but I really can't stay home any longer and I don't want to use up all my sick time and then not have it for when I really need it.

The most confusing part is that I've been noticing pregnancy symptoms the last couple days again (nausea, fatigue, tender breasts) perhaps the nausea and fatigue is from the stress though.

It's been 2 weeks since little "appleseed" stopped growing. I know I probably have some time ahead of me still but I'm so ready for this to be over.

Sorry to be so negative. today has been a tough one and it's only 10am.

On a more positive note, my husband and I decided to honour the memory of him/her in a way that is special to us. Each year we get a few tree ornaments that have meaning from the year last. We have been affectionately calling him/her "appleseed" since that was the size soon after we found out.

So I found the cutest apple ornament on etsy that we will hang on our tree.

(the red one in the photo)

fawn92 · July 2014

Thanks @LDubsHawksFan.

I called and the results are in so my husband and I will be going in at 2:30 to discuss.

I hope everyone has a good day and a restful weekend.

fawn92 · July 2014

Thanks @marybeth080710.

I'm so grateful that I found this group. Not sure how I'd have managed this week otherwise.

SunshineShades · July 2014

Still having pregnancy symptoms is the worst. I didn't even have any until almost 7 weeks and lo had already stopped growing by then (without my knowledge). I then felt better a few days while waiting to misscarry only to get sick again for a few days. The body can be an evil thing.

Update us on how it goes today. I hope you get some answers!

fawn92 · July 2014

Sorry to hear this @SunshineShades, that must have been so painful. It sure can be confusing when that happens.

the doctor confirmed that the results are the same as the first u/s and they are now calling this a "missed miscarriage." He has referred me to an "early abortion clinic" which specializes in helping in these situations. I'm still hoping that my body will take care of things naturally but I'm glad to have concrete answers and will have support in learning more about my options and next steps.

I have also decided I will go back to work on Monday until it's necessary to be off again.

Thanks again for all your support. I am sure to be more active in conversations other than this thread once I've processed this all a bit more.

farniegal · July 2014

@fawn92‌ I'm so sorry for your loss. I waited two weeks hoping my body would figure it out, it didn't. I took my doctor's advice and why with the misoprotol. I will keep in my t&ps.

fawn92 · July 2014

thanks for sharing @farniegal. Can I ask how your experience was? Did it help to speed things along for you? I am considering this route as well.

farniegal · July 2014

It did. It wasn't pain free, but was less painful than I expected based on what I read online. I also had rx pain killers my doc prescribed. I took the meds last Friday and have my follow up u/s on Monday to see if my body had passed everything safely. I wanted to avoid a d&c due to risk of scarring and cost, not to mention it just seemed to emotionally invasive. I'm sorry you have to make this difficult desicion.

fawn92 · July 2014

Thank you again for sharing, especially given that this all happened not so long ago. I really appreciate it and I'm sorry you had to go through this.

I'm hoping to avoid d&c for the same reasons. My doctor is concerned about infection for me given that it's been two weeks already and my body has shown zero sign of miscarrying since we first discovered the loss.

I hope all goes well for you at your follow up appointment. (*supportive)

CreechMommy · July 2014

I really don't have advice to give. WIth mine I had symptoms before they discovered no heartbeat and it was already in progress by the time we went to the ER.

I can imagine it's terribly hard to wait. So sorry you have to go through this.
As far as symptoms, I started having spotting/bleeding for several weeks before it actually happened. They actually found the heartbeat while I was spotting. As far as I know, the worst of it won't happen all of a sudden and you should have time to get home if you start cramping while at work.

I wish you the best in this situation (as good as this horrible situation can be). Glad you found these boards and that you are finding support here.

fawn92 · July 2014

Thanks so much @CreechMommy. I'm sorry you had to go through this as well.

As always though, I do appreciate you sharing your story with me.

UPDATE: I went to the early pregnancy clinic in the hospital today. They were incredible in there. So caring and thorough.

I have been prescribed the misoprostol and plan to take it when I wake up tomorrow (taking the day off of course) I have a couple q's though:

1. Can anyone who was more than 9 weeks tell me if their experience with misoprotol was ok? I've been cautioned of how painful it can be. But The nurse seemed to be hesitant to recommend it to anyone with a miscarriage over 9 weeks gestational growth so I'm worried.

2. Did you have someone home with you? My husband has the option to tay home with me or to come home anytime I need him. I'm just a bit worried to have him here the whole time as I know it will be very stressful for him as well and there won't be a lot he can do. thoughts? suggestions?

Thank you!!

farniegal · July 2014

I would plan to be off Friday as well. I waited until Friday night take my first dose so I had the full weekend. I suggest having a heating pad. I actually had DH insert the drugs, I couldn't bring myself to do it and I figured he could insert it further up to get it as close to my cervix.

When I met with my doc this week, she mentioned she only prescribes miso for those 8weeks or less bc off the risk of hemorrhage, so I would definitely have DH or someone else with you to make sure you don't need a ride to the hospital. I'm not tying to scare you, bc you might have no issues, but if you did you'd need someone there~ better safe than sorry IMHO.

As I mentioned before, I took Vicodin, hindsight I was I hadn't. It really messed me up. The constipation the back pain was worse than the miscarriage...granted I had the drugs to help, but the after affect lasted much much longer. Do not take Advil, midol, etc with the miso as it counteracts the drug.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. I'll keep you in my T&P

fawn92 · July 2014

Thanks so much @farniegal! I do have Friday off (it;s not a work day for me) I'm actually off until Tuesday thank goodness.

I can completely understand having your DH insert the meds for you. I struggled with that part myself. Thanks for the info regarding precautions-My husband is not home right now (I took the misoprotstol 1.5 hours ago) but I was told it takes a bit to kick in so we felt ok with him going into work for the morning. He will be home by noon but can be home anytime I need him and it doesn't take long for him to commute.

I'm feeling ok so far. I took Tylenol with codeine at first 'sight' of cramping as suggested by my doctor.

***QUESTION:Can anyone tell me: Is it ok for me to pee now that it's been 1.5 hours since I took the misoprostol? I want to make sure I've absorbed the meds but boy do I have to pee. lol.

Thanks again for all your help everyone. I haven't been very active on this board as I was sort of waiting til the miscarriage happened as I hadn't fully come to terms with it yet. But I feel strangely at peace today-I think the wait was just really painful and I'm feeling better knowing that the wait is over and I can start taking steps towards healing.

farniegal · July 2014

Oh no, I just saw this...yes you can pee

You need to lay still for at least 30 mins - 45 is better. The second dose can be harder to absorb if the first dose is working - clots may push it back out before fully absorbing...just get it as far up in there as you can and hope for the best. Also pee before inserting it.

I also massaged my lower abdomen to speed the process - I do this during my periods each month to help my body with the process.

hang in there

Good vibes! T&P

fawn92 · August 2014

Thanks ladies!

@farniegal, do you mind if I ask when you had to take the second dose? I was told only to take a second dose if it didn't work the first time. It didn't work, so I'm on the second dose today. Really hoping it takes this time.

fawn92 · August 2014

p.s I've been massaging as per your suggestion, thanks for that

farniegal · August 2014

Triple post bc mobile acting up :-t

farniegal · August 2014

Stupid mobile bump

farniegal · August 2014

Sorry for the delay, again, been out of town. My second dose was 6hours after the first. I took 2 doses of 600 mg. I hope the massaging helps shake done stuff loose. I am so sad it's not working for you. I can't imagine how disappointing it must be. FX and T&P you get good news or results soon!
Take care of yourself

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