Monster MIL

BriannaCaitlin · July 2014

We have never been close or really liked each other. When we found out I was pregnant, we told her practically last because we knew she would have a negative reaction and she actually asked how many people found out before her. I don't really see why it matters. We also told her that day that because it was our first child, now we know it's twins, that we wanted to do everything alone. Doctors and ultrasounds, their room, the birth. We don't want anyone else involved. So she actually got mad that even after we told her it was only going to be us at my appointments, she showed up at my first appointment and I didn't let her go back with us. She made a huge scene in the doctors office and acted childish. So we just stopped telling anyone when the appointments were so that there is no way for her to find out. She is constantly telling me not to do certain things or eat certain things, and showed up at our house unannounced "just to talk to us", and it turned into her telling us we were irresponsible for going and trading his car for a bigger, newer, safer car for the twins. Yes, obviously so irresponsible. I had told my sister that we will find out what the babies are on August 11th, and she had mentioned it on Facebook, to which his mother saw, and called this morning to ask me what time the appointment was because she IS going. I told her she wasn't, that no one is except her son and myself, and she hung up on me. She then texted him and told him that we can't stop her from being around her grandchildren and for the birth (in SIX MONTHS!) and that I'm crazy and will ruin my children's life. He said this is a whole new side of crazy for her and he has no idea what to do. I'm just angry and I seriously can't believe people actually act this way! Anyone else have a monster-in-law?! I really worry about the birth. I don't want to have to go crazy on her at the hospital because she thinks she is my boss. She makes me stress so bad.

ShuShubee · July 2014

She sounds....special. I am sorry you have to deal with that. I would make sure to inform the hospital of your wishes. If it comes to it, have her escorted by security. You need to get the point across to her that her behavior will not be tolerated.

Eyefrog · July 2014

I love when others think they have ownership of your womb. Stand your ground or there will never be any going back. Im sorry she is a nutjob.

steelerfanva · July 2014

I have a monster in law too, so I understand completely! She spent the last 2 years trying to break up my marriage and now is calling and emailing like we are best friends. Sounds like your DH gets it and is supporting you which is the most important thing. You need to minimize your stress and worry about you. Tell your doctor and the hospital she is not permitted at your appointments or in the room when you give birth. Tell family not to mention appoinwntsnor milestones on Facebook. In fact have everyone unfriendly her if possible. I did that and it did help eliminate some issues. All I can say is good luck and remember this is about you and your newly expanding family, not her!

Sunflower9939 · July 2014

Stop telling information about appointments or anything. I would also wait to tell anyone that your child is born until it's actually born. That way she doesn't find out you're in labor through anyone else.

Also, your DH needs to man up and tell his mom that if she doesn't back off she will not have any relationship with this child.

Lanatir · July 2014

I've dealt with slightly similar things with my MiL. She didn't ask or show up to appointments, but she definitely shows up unannounced and butts in where it's none of her business.

I'm thinking one of a couple of things could be going on here.

If she's not normally crazy, it might be your husband was her favorite and now she just can't let go of the idea that he is her little boy. Definitely does not make her actions ok, but it might help explain them.

If you've seen her crazy before and he hasn't, she could have some kind of mental problem going on. My MiL hid how crazy she was before DH and I got married and after, when I started saying how crazy she was, my husband didn't know it was crazy because it's his mom and it's all he's known about her. In that case, getting your husband to stand up to her might be difficult (4 years in and NOW DH is FINALLY realizing where he needs to draw the line without us fighting about it-- partly my bad. I didn't think to ask "Hey, is anyone in your family mentally ill and unmedicated?").

Telling your husband that you are crazy is actually, to me, the most unacceptable behavior. She is deliberately attacking your marriage and playing the victim here. There is no reason EVER for a spouse's parent to badmouth the other spouse to their son/daughter. (Warning, I might come off harsh here. This is a definitely been there, done that in my marriage...) You and your husband need to talk about that behavior. He needs to combat being told you're crazy. If he doesn't, even if now it seems like no big deal, if it keeps happening, it will wear at your relationship.

As far as the hospital, with twins, it will be a toss up if you go into labor naturally or end up with a situation where they want to schedule you for a c-section. You are under no obligation to call anyone about being in labor or that the twins have been born or that you have a scheduled induction or c-section. And hospital nurses, in my experience, have been more than willing to keep people you don't want from getting to you. It would appear they have to deal with that a lot.

Lanatir · July 2014

Oh, now reading, agreed with unfriending her and having friends/family unfriend her. I actually have my MiL blocked. The final straw for me was when she lied to my mom. My mom's on month 13 of breast and lung cancer treatments-- chemo, surgeries, radiation, find new tumors, repeat, and my MiL thought it was ok to say she's had that happen twice. Nope. ONE round of skin cancer for MiL on her nose that they froze, cut out, and she's been cancer free since.

Don't wait it out so long like I did. Protect yourself and your family now.

BriannaCaitlin · July 2014

I am so glad that I have his support. And @Lanatir‌, it did take him a while to realize that she really was acting crazy and it wasn't just me having issues with her. Because she hadn't ever said anything like that to him, and until she started over the twins, he had no idea. Now he sees it and is more than supportive. He told her after the message she sent that it wasn't me that is crazy, and that she isn't making it easy for him to be nice to her and it makes the both of us really wonder if our children should even be around her. So glad for all of you taking the time to give me your advice and support!

Lanatir · July 2014

BriannaCaitlin said:

I am so glad that I have his support. And @Lanatir‌, it did take him a while to realize that she really was acting crazy and it wasn't just me having issues with her. Because she hadn't ever said anything like that to him, and until she started over the twins, he had no idea. Now he sees it and is more than supportive. He told her after the message she sent that it wasn't me that is crazy, and that she isn't making it easy for him to be nice to her and it makes the both of us really wonder if our children should even be around her. So glad for all of you taking the time to give me your advice and support!

This part is the best thing I've read on this thread.

MichaelSC28 · July 2014

Everyone has give solid points!

Good Luck and remember the only ones that matter are you and those LOs. You guys are already working as a team and she doesn't realize it will make you more of a team and exclude her more the crazier she gets!

9513 · July 2014

In NH grandparents may be granted rights if and only if the nuclear family is no longer together, ie divorce or death. And even then it isn't guaranteed

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