warning - apology in advance

cupcake122 · July 2014

Forgive me ….. but this message board is starting to really depress the crap out of me. As some of you may recall, I had to have surgery to remove a uterine septum (that took up the majority of my uterus) and to remove level 3 endometriosis. The surgeon also found some other serious issues while in there, i'll leave it at that. Now I have to wait several months before even addressing my non-ovulation issue and hostile uterus issue. From those I've spoken to on here and IRL, it seems that most women who required the same surgery end up having to move all the way through to IVF. So, to sum it all up, I'm pretty disheartened at this point in the game.

Initially this board was great for me, full of lots of information and a nice outlet to vent and support one another. But after a month or so, I'm starting to get depressed here. Here's where the warning piece comes in to play - I'm trying to be honest here and see if anyone else has had similar feelings, not trying to upset anyone.

I get so bleeping annoyed when I log on to the TB and see someone complaining about such mild issues. I know, I know, mild is a subjective word. And I do not want to minimize IF and I'm sorry if this is coming off as offensive….. but when I have SOOO many IF issues, it kills me to read about some girl who's been trying for a couple of months and is trying to coerce an RE referral from her OBGYN. Because she "just knows there's something wrong going on here." Or someone getting unmonitored Clomid from their OB and bang, there's a BFP on their first or second try.

I'm genuinely happy to hear about BFP's from ANYONE, because it helps remind me that there is a light at the end of the IF tunnel. BUT - when people are so negative and desperate and depressed on here for smallish (in my opinion) issues, it's hard to keep that positivity alive. Again, I get that we shouldn't compare, but it's so bleeping hard not to!!! If girls with problems that are easily addressed are losing hope, how the heck can I have any left?

I cannot apologize enough if I'm rubbing anyone the wrong way here. I do not intend to minimize anyone's IF issues. I'm simply explaining that i have multiple issues going on with my own fertility, and it's hard to remain hopeful when I read about the extreme difficulties others are having with just one of those issues. Has anyone else felt similarly?? That reading about everyone else's problems makes theirs feel worse?

Sorry for the rant/vent/bitch-fest here. And once again, I do not mean to minimize or belittle anyone's issues - I certainly do not know everyone's full story and can only go off what is shared by each person. And I do realize I'm not alone in the multiple issues category here, which is why I'm hoping someone else can relate. Thank you for reading my post.

TTCBabyJ · July 2014

You are definitely entitled to your opinion, so there is no need to apologize. I learned of my long list of IF issues when we started TTC and also recently found out DH also has some issues. I was actually the opposite I never thought there was anything wrong just figured I needed a little medical intervention...silly of me. I think because I do have sooooo many issues, I have problems conceiving and my RE tells me I will also have issues carrying to term; this is why I steer clear of other boards. Because honestly I'm going to need a little more than some baby dust. But I also try not to play the pain Olympics when it comes to IF either. To me I feel like at least I know what's going on and there is a little comfort in having a diagnosis, even if there are multiple diagnoses. Good luck and hang in there, I hope your TTC hiatus goes by fast. (((Hugs)))

cupcake122 · July 2014

Thanks - i'm trying hard not to play the pain olympics - it's so hard to remain positive with ANY issues, ya know? thanks for your kind words

BethKate2 · July 2014

I get where you're coming from. I stick with TTCAL and 3T on TB because the point I'm at in this process is beyond where most ladies on some other boards are. It's easy to be jealous of people who get pregnant easily or annoyed by people who are complaining when they've only been TTC for a few months.

That said, you seem like you're playing the pain Olympics here. You have every right to be upset about your dx, but it's not fair to minimize what other people are going through, especially those who are legitimately having TTTC like the ladies on this board.

If the board is depressing you, you probably need to take a break, but honestly, I'm not totally sure what the point of this post was.

cupcake122 · July 2014

BethKate2 said:

I get where you're coming from. I stick with TTCAL and 3T on TB because the point I'm at in this process is beyond where most ladies on some other boards are. It's easy to be jealous of people who get pregnant easily or annoyed by people who are complaining when they've only been TTC for a few months.
That said, you seem like you're playing the pain Olympics here. You have every right to be upset about your dx, but it's not fair to minimize what other people are going through, especially those who are legitimately having TTTC like the ladies on this board.
If the board is depressing you, you probably need to take a break, but honestly, I'm not totally sure what the point of this post was.

Sorry you feel that way about my feelings and opinions. I repeatedly said I am not trying to minimize anyone else's issues, just that it's very hard to stay positive when you are faced with people with fewer issues are struggling so badly. And I stated (several times) that the point was to see if anyone else ever feels similarly or gets depressed after spending some time on this board, that's all.

BethKate2 · July 2014

cupcake122 said:

BethKate2 said:

I get where you're coming from. I stick with TTCAL and 3T on TB because the point I'm at in this process is beyond where most ladies on some other boards are. It's easy to be jealous of people who get pregnant easily or annoyed by people who are complaining when they've only been TTC for a few months.
That said, you seem like you're playing the pain Olympics here. You have every right to be upset about your dx, but it's not fair to minimize what other people are going through, especially those who are legitimately having TTTC like the ladies on this board.
If the board is depressing you, you probably need to take a break, but honestly, I'm not totally sure what the point of this post was.

Sorry you feel that way about my feelings and opinions. I repeatedly said I am not trying to minimize anyone else's issues, just that it's very hard to stay positive when you are faced with people with fewer issues are struggling so badly. And I stated (several times) that the point was to see if anyone else ever feels similarly or gets depressed after spending some time on this board, that's all.

I guess my point is that you apologized in advance and said that you don't want to minimize what anyone else is going through, but then went on in your post to do exactly that. It's like when someone says, "No offense, but..." and then goes on to say something offensive. It doesn't make it any less offensive just because they prefaced it with that. KWIM?

As I said, if this board depresses you, you need to take a break. Other people telling you that they're depressed too probably isn't going to make you feel any better.

cupcake122 · July 2014

BethKate2 said: cupcake122 said: BethKate2 said: I get where you're coming from. I stick with TTCAL and 3T on TB because the point I'm at in this process is beyond where most ladies on some other boards are. It's easy to be jealous of people who get pregnant easily or annoyed by people who are complaining when they've only been TTC for a few months. That said, you seem like you're playing the pain Olympics here. You have every right to be upset about your dx, but it's not fair to minimize what other people are going through, especially those who are legitimately having TTTC like the ladies on this board. If the board is depressing you, you probably need to take a break, but honestly, I'm not totally sure what the point of this post was. Sorry you feel that way about my feelings and opinions. I repeatedly said I am not trying to minimize anyone else's issues, just that it's very hard to stay positive when you are faced with people with fewer issues are struggling so badly. And I stated (several times) that the point was to see if anyone else ever feels similarly or gets depressed after spending some time on this board, that's all. I guess my point is that you apologized in advance and said that you don't want to minimize what anyone else is going through, but then went on in your post to do exactly that. It's like when someone says, "No offense, but..." and then goes on to say something offensive. It doesn't make it any less offensive just because they prefaced it with that. KWIM? As I said, if this board depresses you, you need to take a break. Other people telling you that they're depressed too probably isn't going to make you feel any better.
I think we're at an impasse here and my point wasn't conveyed clearly or was misunderstood. I do not feel like I minimized anything by expressing my own opinion and feelings that it's hard to remain positive among negativity. It certainly wasn't my intention, anyway. I think perhaps it is good advice for me to take a break or at least more of a backseat as I work through this. I also think if someone's feelings offend you, like mine have appeared to, you should just ignore them, rather than attempt to make them feel badly.

MrsLolaSky · July 2014

I'm sorry you've had to go through so much. I'm new to the board (and new to a diagnosis)--but not at all new to TTC. Sometimes the board makes me sad, particularly when I read people's signatures and see what they've been through. (It really is so unfair!) And sometimes I get sad when I see people losing hope at the beginning of the journey over issues with clearer "plans of attack"--but I think the benefit of not feeling so isolated outweighs this. I truly wish you the best of luck!

BethKate2 · July 2014

@cupcake122, As I said, you have every right to feel the way you do, and I'm not trying to make you feel badly. All I'm saying is if you felt the need to include warnings and apologies, you probably knew there was a possibility that it could rub some people the wrong way.

Also, just as you have the right to post your feelings, I have the right to respond. I don't need to ignore it just because you don't like what I have to say.

Pintobean39 · July 2014

I'm really sorry that you are having a hard time right now. I use to hang out on TTGP a lot but slowly over the last 6 months I've been drifting away because honestly I was struggling with all the questions about temping and OPK's. Even though I'm going through IVF right now and there isn't a whole lot of people on this board at that point I actually feel more welcome here so I'm staying put.

I honestly think the women on TTTC have all been very supportive of each other. There isn't a lot of snark and I really haven't seen many lately that got their BFP after a couple of months. I'm not really sure if you are talking about TTTC or the bump in general.

I can tell you when I started the whole IVF process and looking at how other people responded and how so many didn't have anything to freeze. I freaked the fuck out, they are younger than me and have better eggs. So yeah I've had those moments of how is it going to work for me if it isn't working for so many. I think I go back and forth about being pessimistic and optimistic, it depends on which day/hour you ask me. I think those feelings are perfectly normal. (((HUGS))). I really hope you find your happy medium. Good luck!!!

catlover790 · July 2014

cupcake122 said:

Forgive me ….. but this message board is starting to really depress the crap out of me. As some of you may recall, I had to have surgery to remove a uterine septum (that took up the majority of my uterus) and to remove level 3 endometriosis. The surgeon also found some other serious issues while in there, i'll leave it at that. Now I have to wait several months before even addressing my non-ovulation issue and hostile uterus issue. From those I've spoken to on here and IRL, it seems that most women who required the same surgery end up having to move all the way through to IVF. So, to sum it all up, I'm pretty disheartened at this point in the game.

Initially this board was great for me, full of lots of information and a nice outlet to vent and support one another. But after a month or so, I'm starting to get depressed here. Here's where the warning piece comes in to play - I'm trying to be honest here and see if anyone else has had similar feelings, not trying to upset anyone.

I get so bleeping annoyed when I log on to the TB and see someone complaining about such mild issues. I know, I know, mild is a subjective word. And I do not want to minimize IF and I'm sorry if this is coming off as offensive….. but when I have SOOO many IF issues, it kills me to read about some girl who's been trying for a couple of months and is trying to coerce an RE referral from her OBGYN. Because she "just knows there's something wrong going on here." Or someone getting unmonitored Clomid from their OB and bang, there's a BFP on their first or second try.

I'm genuinely happy to hear about BFP's from ANYONE, because it helps remind me that there is a light at the end of the IF tunnel. BUT - when people are so negative and desperate and depressed on here for smallish (in my opinion) issues, it's hard to keep that positivity alive. Again, I get that we shouldn't compare, but it's so bleeping hard not to!!! If girls with problems that are easily addressed are losing hope, how the heck can I have any left?

I cannot apologize enough if I'm rubbing anyone the wrong way here. I do not intend to minimize anyone's IF issues. I'm simply explaining that i have multiple issues going on with my own fertility, and it's hard to remain hopeful when I read about the extreme difficulties others are having with just one of those issues. Has anyone else felt similarly?? That reading about everyone else's problems makes theirs feel worse?

Sorry for the rant/vent/bitch-fest here. And once again, I do not mean to minimize or belittle anyone's issues - I certainly do not know everyone's full story and can only go off what is shared by each person. And I do realize I'm not alone in the multiple issues category here, which is why I'm hoping someone else can relate. Thank you for reading my post.

I am sorry that you found out that you have more than one diagnosis to deal with. I hope that time passes quickly for you and you are able to come up with a plan with your RE soon.

I don't think that anyone on 3T has "mild" issues because I think infertility is difficult no matter what the issue is. By your definition I would probably be seen as having a "mild" issue because as of right now (I haven't had my hsg yet) I am only anovulatory. Having infertility is hard and I think that I have just as much of a right to be depressed, upset, and worried about the future as others on this board.

I think if you go to other boards you may find that people who aren't dealing with infertility can be annoying when they complain about ttc for 2 months and it's not working but I think if that's the case I wouldn't go to those boards.

I guess my point is that anyone on 3T has infertility and it's hard no matter what. Even with a "mild" (as you put it) diagnosis there is no definite that the treatments will work, and at this moment there is no knowing that the treatments will work, so I think it's hard for anyone here. I find that although I get sad for others when I read about what they have had to go through, it helps to know I'm not alone. I wish you the best of luck in your journey.

catlover790 · July 2014

iPutKetchupOnKetchup said:
We may all be in different stages of our IF journey, but we have one very important thing in common: we are having trouble trying to conceive.

I agree with this so much. Everyone is starting out at some point; and in reality all of us started ttc awhile ago. I think even with only one diagnosis IF is so hard and I don't think it should be minimized.

cupcake122 · July 2014

iPutKetchupOnKetchup said:

cupcake122 said:

Forgive me ….. but this message board is starting to really depress the crap out of me. As some of you may recall, I had to have surgery to remove a uterine septum (that took up the majority of my uterus) and to remove level 3 endometriosis. The surgeon also found some other serious issues while in there, i'll leave it at that. Now I have to wait several months before even addressing my non-ovulation issue and hostile uterus issue. From those I've spoken to on here and IRL, it seems that most women who required the same surgery end up having to move all the way through to IVF. So, to sum it all up, I'm pretty disheartened at this point in the game.

Initially this board was great for me, full of lots of information and a nice outlet to vent and support one another. But after a month or so, I'm starting to get depressed here. Here's where the warning piece comes in to play - I'm trying to be honest here and see if anyone else has had similar feelings, not trying to upset anyone.

I get so bleeping annoyed when I log on to the TB and see someone complaining about such mild issues. I know, I know, mild is a subjective word. And I do not want to minimize IF and I'm sorry if this is coming off as offensive….. but when I have SOOO many IF issues, it kills me to read about some girl who's been trying for a couple of months and is trying to coerce an RE referral from her OBGYN. Because she "just knows there's something wrong going on here." Or someone getting unmonitored Clomid from their OB and bang, there's a BFP on their first or second try.

I'm genuinely happy to hear about BFP's from ANYONE, because it helps remind me that there is a light at the end of the IF tunnel. BUT - when people are so negative and desperate and depressed on here for smallish (in my opinion) issues, it's hard to keep that positivity alive. Again, I get that we shouldn't compare, but it's so bleeping hard not to!!! If girls with problems that are easily addressed are losing hope, how the heck can I have any left?

I cannot apologize enough if I'm rubbing anyone the wrong way here. I do not intend to minimize anyone's IF issues. I'm simply explaining that i have multiple issues going on with my own fertility, and it's hard to remain hopeful when I read about the extreme difficulties others are having with just one of those issues. Has anyone else felt similarly?? That reading about everyone else's problems makes theirs feel worse?

Sorry for the rant/vent/bitch-fest here. And once again, I do not mean to minimize or belittle anyone's issues - I certainly do not know everyone's full story and can only go off what is shared by each person. And I do realize I'm not alone in the multiple issues category here, which is why I'm hoping someone else can relate. Thank you for reading my post.

I'm confused. Which is it? The people who are so negative and desperate and depressed on here for smallish (in your opinion) issues or when you read about the extreme difficulties others are having with "just one" (whatever that means) of those issues?

Your examples of the difficulty getting an RE referral and unmonitered Clomid sounds so suspiciously eerily similar to the two biggest discussions stemming from my particular IF journey, except well.. my referral had nothing to do with the OBGYN and 14+ months of trying and anovulatory cycles are great reasons to assume "something is wrong here". Oh, and then there's the whole double ute, cervices, and vaginas. As for Clomid, all I got out of that was a ruptured ovarian cyst.

Listen, Cupcake. I'm not assuming that you are speaking about me and I sure as hell hope you aren't, but lets just say I do another medicated cycle with Clomid in the next 2 months and I get a BFP. Would that annoy you? Because the reality would be it would not be a "BFP on the first or second try" .. no, it'd be a BFP on the 15th or 16th try. If it'd be difficult for you to read about someone on this board, I'm talking regs here, getting a BFP after one or two months of treatment then maybe you need to take a break.

We may all be in different stages of our IF journey, but we have one very important thing in common: we are having trouble trying to conceive.

WHOA.

Was definitely not referring to you. Um….. at all. Like my jaw is on the ground right now that you even wrote that. My heart goes out to you Ketchup. A BFP from really ANYONE reg on 3T would delight me. I was referring to the girls that are not really having IF that try to coerce the RE referral. You know, the ones that say I've been trying for a few months and I know something's wrong should I go see an RE and then people all jump and say HELLS NO because it's hard enough for some of us to have gotten an RE referral in the first place. Those girls.

And maybe I should've clarified that my rant was about the bump in general, not 3T in particular. I just feel the most at home on 3T compared to any other board. And I figured if ANYONE would get feeling depressed after reading about other girls being so negative for smaller issues - yes I do think some issues that are on TTGP and other boards are minor and are NOT IF - you girls would. Sorry for the confusion. I'm in a rough spot here and I just get sick to my stomach on TB sometimes. I thought some of you 3T girls could relate to that. I guess everyone else sticks ONLY to 3T? I think I will try that.

BethKate2 · July 2014

apresmoi said:

NariaDreaming said:

The pain olympics are not OK. Nobody here is "more infertile" than someone else. It doesn't matter if you're on cycle 12 or cycle 62- everyone is here because they are infertile, and it sucks for ALL of us.
^this

Cupcake I understand where you are coming from, and you are entitled to your opinion. I don't take offense to it, in fact I completely empathize with that feeling. I think that to myself sometimes.

However, I don't think voicing it out loud is ok. No matter how you phrase it, or what your intentions are, it's going to sound like the pain Olympics when you put it down in writing.

When new people show up and go though testing (not the 3 monthers, they don't belong here, but the actual newbies who belong here) they may not have been through as much as you, but no one knows where their journey will take them. They may go through more than you eventually. They may not. They may end up CFNBC. It's not about who has been through more or less, everyone has feelings and those are justified at any stage because none of us know where we are headed. It's the unknown that is the depressing/stressful/hurtful thing, IMHO, and we all share that at all levels of IF.

Anyway, I'm kinda new and that's how I see it and deal with it.

ETA: It might cheer you up when a flaming is going on in TTGP for the people who complain after a month or two, maybe jump over there and participate in that (is that ok to say? flamings are fun?)

This. @apresmoi explained it better than I did.

I empathize with the thoughts and feelings, but putting it out there makes it seem like you're saying, "My problems are worse than yours," and that has the potential to insult people who are also having trouble TTC and struggling with their own diagnoses.

BethKate2 · July 2014

cupcake122 said:

. And maybe I should've clarified that my rant was about the bump in general, not 3T in particular. I just feel the most at home on 3T compared to any other board. And I figured if ANYONE would get feeling depressed after reading about other girls being so negative for smaller issues - yes I do think some issues that are on TTGP and other boards are minor and are NOT IF - you girls would. Sorry for the confusion. I'm in a rough spot here and I just get sick to my stomach on TB sometimes. I thought some of you 3T girls could relate to that. I guess everyone else sticks ONLY to 3T? I think I will try that.

__________________________________________________________________

Well, yeah, of course it's tough to be on TTGP once you've hit the 12 month mark and beyond. That's why I said I stick to TTCAL and 3T

In your OP, you said, "this board" a lot, so I think we all assumed you meant 3T.

ETA: Quote fail.

shirleymaeby · July 2014

I have actually felt a lot of comfort being here and reading about other's fertility issues because it makes me feel less isolated and alone.

I've only been here about a month, but in that time I've seen very few posts from women who are just being impatient and the ones I have seen have been swiftly and justifiably (though politely) shutdown and told that impatience is not a diagnosis.

I also feel that, in the month I've been posting here, there is a good mixture of "I can't handle this shit anymore" and "Let's find the humor in all this" posts. So I don't feel like there is an overwhelming amount of negativity. And even when there is a lot of negativity in one day, I don't look at it as straight up complaining so much as a plea for help and sympathy and virtual hugs because they just need them right then. And I am happy I am able to provide even a quick "I'm sorry you're having a rough day" because I need that sometimes too and I feel that my friends and family are tired of hearing about it.

Finally, I know you just wanted to know if anyone else felt the same as you and that you didn't intend to hurt anyone's feelings, but I have to say that I was a little sensitive to what you wrote. I hear you that your diagnosis is serious. But the amount of stress and heartache I have felt from four years of unexplained infertility isn't any milder than someone else's just because my diagnosis (or lack of diagnosis) isn't as serious.

ETA: You must have posted while I was writing this so I just saw your explanation about the bump in general. I personally don't even venture onto other boards. I stick exclusively to 3T because I am totally with you that I would lose it over someone trying for 2 months and freaking out. And from what I have heard about the other boards, the women aren't nearly as nice. In fact, if I ever do get a BFP I'm not entirely sure I will even join another board on here. Maybe PAIF if they are as cool as you guys have been.

cupcake122 · July 2014

I get you @catlover790. I really really really do. And if you read my above post, it might make more sense that I have been talking about the bump in general, not 3t specifically. Stupid me has been reading several forums.

And I don't think you don't have a problem. Any piece of IF sucks. Sickeningly enough, I would give anything to be able to take some Femara right now!!!! (See how f-ed up I am?) Now, that does't mean that you don't have a real problem. You do and it sucks big balls. Like it sucks more than anything I can think of. All it means to me is that I'm crazy and jealous at what part of the journey you're at. That's all. And to see any of you struggling at all depresses me. The fact that you and I have to post here at all sucks. And that there are so many of us stuck in this shit hole that is IF is so sad. The fact that there is an entire community of girls whining about not getting pregnant the first time they do it on TTGP is sickening. So again, I'm sorry. Trying to work through my pessimism and feeling like poop and not being able to do a damned thing about it for months is just eating away at me.

StacyLH24 · July 2014

***CP and BFPs (not mine) mentioned at the end***

When I first came to 3T I felt like I didn't really belong here. This was a self imposed feeling, not a feeling that I had because of anyone here ever. I was very much welcomed when I intro'd.

I put that feeling on myself because I hadn't been in the TTC process for a year. In fact, I just hit my 12 month mark and I'm only 30.

I started with a RE right off the bat because of a friend's recommendation since we are using frozen donor sperm and we weren't interested in spending money to try at home first. After 4 months, I had surgery that sounds similar to yours...removal of endo and fixing a uterine septum. It took a while for it to sink in that these were infertility issues. I was in a bit of denial...probably still am to some degree.

Have I been on this journey as long as others, no. Do I have infertility issues, sure do. We all do. That is why we are here. Large or small, whatever we all have going on is doing the same to all of us, interfering with our ability to get
and/or stay pregnant. While one poster's problem may seem trivial to you, it isn't to them. It truly isn't for us to judge each other on what does and does not constitute an actual issue worth being upset over.

If you aren't already seeing a therapist, I would recommend that. It can be very helpful.

My home space is over on the LGBT board. We have some folks, several lately, who have joined as they were just getting ready to do their first IUI or ICI and then they have ended up with a BFP. Am I jealous, absolutely. Do I begrudge them that coveted BFP, not one bit. I am thankful that they don't have to go through what others of us have had to.

I can appreciate that you're having a rough time. Maybe you do need a break. I took a Bump break after my
CP. It was short but necessary for me.

catlover790 · July 2014

BethKate2 said:

Well, yeah, of course it's tough to be on TTGP once you've hit the 12 month mark and beyond. That's why I said I stick to TTCAL and 3T
In your OP, you said, "this board" a lot, so I think we all assumed you meant 3T.

I agree. I started out on TTGP but it's harder to relate to someone who is on month 2 or 5 at this point.

@cupcake122 When you said people who get unmonitored clomid for a couple months and then get a BFP they most likely were trying for a year also. Even if they started with an OB (and many people don't realize that they should look for a RE yet) they still were ttc for a year first. So, even though unmonitored clomid isn't a good idea for their health it doesn't always mean that they didn't struggle with ttc.

cupcake122 · July 2014

Good point @catlover790.

I was really referring to someone IRL I know who got unmonitored clomid bc they knew they had PCOS and got pregnant as soon as they were ready to try. Strangely enough, not all OBGYN's make people try for a year before jumping in to Clomid.

cupcake122 · July 2014

apresmoi said:

apresmoi said:

However, I don't think voicing it out loud is ok. No matter how you phrase it, or what your intentions are, it's going to sound like the pain Olympics when you put it down in writing.

Yeah so I'm sorry that you feel that way. I am sorry for coming off as insensitive and for any insult that was derived from my rant. But I thought that this was a safe place to vent frustrations. So that's why I voiced this. And some girls have made me feel better by explaining that they've felt similarly. So um if you don't think it should've been voiced, I don't really know what to tell you. People have feelings and opinions and sometimes we don't like them. Maybe don't read threads I start anymore? Because when we are at the end of our ropes with IF, we should be able to vent. Isn't it ok to voice a controversial feeling in a place where there may be people who relate? Because I will assure you, no one in my real life could ever relate to my feelings today.

Pintobean39 · July 2014

@cupcake122‌ yes you need to stay off those other boards. I can't do it some days, It's just to much. I feel bad sometimes because a lot of those ladies helped me through difficult days but right now I'm in what I call my selfish phase. I have to worry about my sanity and that includes limiting online and IRL people. IF is so hard and not everyone gets it and little things can be like a knife stabbed in your heart.

catlover790 · July 2014

cupcake122 said:

I get you @catlover790. I really really really do. And if you read my above post, it might make more sense that I have been talking about the bump in general, not 3t specifically. Stupid me has been reading several forums.

And I don't think you don't have a problem. Any piece of IF sucks. Sickeningly enough, I would give anything to be able to take some Femara right now!!!! (See how f-ed up I am?) Now, that does't mean that you don't have a real problem. You do and it sucks big balls. Like it sucks more than anything I can think of. All it means to me is that I'm crazy and jealous at what part of the journey you're at. That's all. And to see any of you struggling at all depresses me. The fact that you and I have to post here at all sucks. And that there are so many of us stuck in this shit hole that is IF is so sad. The fact that there is an entire community of girls whining about not getting pregnant the first time they do it on TTGP is sickening. So again, I'm sorry. Trying to work through my pessimism and feeling like poop and not being able to do a damned thing about it for months is just eating away at me.

I agree that going to other boards can be depressing and I have found that lately I am sticking to 3T because it's harder to relate to the ttgp girls. They are nice and welcoming but I just am not at that point anymore.

I think that I am probably a little sensitive too like @kmdecoux said. This is one of the most difficult things I have dealt with in my life at the moment. Am I hopeful that Femara is all I need to get pregnant? Yes, but I know that my journey could go on for a long time and it's hard. I know that other things might come up later and I worry about that. The cost of all of this is stressful and I don't know how much treatment we can do until we need to take a break and save money. I guess my point was just no matter where someone is in dealing with IF it is a really difficult diagnosis. I hope you can understand that.

I appreciate the apology and I am really sorry that you have a lot to go through right now. I hope that you can find some support Irl too because I'm sure what you're going through is very difficult. I understand not wanting to be benched for awhile too but I hope that the time goes by quickly and you can start treatments again soon. I wish you the best.

TTCBabyJ · July 2014

OP thanks for the clarification. I kind of just assumed you were talking about other boards on the TB. Because here at 3T we are all in the same boat. Now our "fight" should be against the "Fertiles." Just kidding...a little lol!

bravegrace22 · July 2014

I am so sorry you find yourself facing so many obstacles and I hope you find whats works soon! I can see what you mean about feeling worse when reading about people who don't have so much stacked against them. Being, admittedly, on the other end of that currently I would say that it is nerve-wracking not knowing what's going on and with each diagnosis and step closer things get easier to deal with. There have been so many times that I have told doctors, friends, & DH that I don't care what it is at this point, I just want to know so can get started doing whatever needs to be done to fix it. It's also difficult not knowing whether or not you'll ever have a set dx or if you're doing all of these tests just to be told everything looks fine, you're just not getting pregnant. I'd far rather have an illness that was giving us trouble but we could work on resolving vs. feeling like the planets won't ever align. Also, to play devil's advocate a little bit more..reading some posts from people who do have a lot more going on brings up varying emotions for me. I'm sometimes a little jealous *not the right word* that they have a dx to work off of & getting disheartened myself thinking that any of those dx could be in my future and not knowing how long IF will run my life.

You have every right to feel how you do and I think instead of thinking we're all dealing with different things, we should recognize that we're all in the same shitty IF boat.

BunnyBerry · July 2014

cupcake122 said:

I also think if someone's feelings offend you, like mine have appeared to, you should just ignore them, rather than attempt to make them feel badly.

Cupcake, I hear some of what you're saying but this is not cool.

If that quote above is really what you think, you would not have made your post to begin with, because clearly there will be full-fledged, fertility-diagnosed members of 3T who will feel badly that someone is hurt/annoyed by their comparatively simple diagnoses or problems.

I think it's important for 3T to be a completely safe place for everyone who fits the criteria to be a part of the community - and that could include a lot of people whose problems seem like an easy fix or who have not been on their TTC journeys long, depending on their situation.

And I just caught your explanation in the sea of quotes that the post was "not about 3T." Um..."this board is starting to depress the crap out of me" and "initially this board was great for me" - I heard 3T.

I just don't like seeing a fellow 3Ter told to "ignore" it if their own feelings are "offended," and if they don't ignore it then they are "attempting" to make the OP "feel badly." I wouldn't be okay with that logic IRL either.

aves0708 · July 2014

cupcake122 said:

apresmoi said:

apresmoi said:

However, I don't think voicing it out loud is ok. No matter how you phrase it, or what your intentions are, it's going to sound like the pain Olympics when you put it down in writing.

Yeah so I'm sorry that you feel that way. I am sorry for coming off as insensitive and for any insult that was derived from my rant. But I thought that this was a safe place to vent frustrations. So that's why I voiced this. And some girls have made me feel better by explaining that they've felt similarly. So um if you don't think it should've been voiced, I don't really know what to tell you. People have feelings and opinions and sometimes we don't like them. Maybe don't read threads I start anymore? Because when we are at the end of our ropes with IF, we should be able to vent. Isn't it ok to voice a controversial feeling in a place where there may be people who relate? Because I will assure you, no one in my real life could ever relate to my feelings today.

I first want to say how very sorry I am about everything you are going through. Getting crappy news and then finding out you have to wait months to move forward....well it just sucks.

Now I think your post above sort of contradicts what you originally posted. This board IS a safe place and we ARE allowed to vent, and sometimes those vents are depressing. It's cathartic to write how you are feeling to people who really understand what you are going through. I have a very hard time talking to anyone IRL about IF, because they just don't understand, so coming to the bump and reading that other people are feeling sad, angry, depressed, frustrated etc about the same things I am, makes me feel less alone in this. If I am having a really bad day and don't want to read about anything sad I simply don't open those posts. Then maybe I'll come back the next day and give support.

I also stick to 3T. I used to lurk on TTGP (and still occasionally do) but I also find it hard when I read about women complaining after a few months. I also remind myself that there are always women who have been trying longer, and have had a harder journey than me, and my heart always goes out to them. Everyone here is dealing with the pain of IF no matter what and supporting each other is all we can really do.

Pregnancy/Loss mentioned

I also got a BFP on my first IUI cycle when so many others had been trying longer but everyone was so kind and wished me congratulations. When things didn't work out, they welcomed me back with open arms. I hope you stick around on the board, but if it's not the right place for you now then maybe a break would be best. Good luck with your next steps.

shay062 · July 2014

Ultimately, I wasn't going to respond because I understand your opinions, and I appreciate hearing everyone's point of view. However, after reading the thread again this morning, I just wanted to share my feelings too.

We have been actively trying and seeking the help of our RE since November, and as you may say, it isn't that long. However, cancer put me at a huge risk for a diminished egg reserve and chemotherapy related infertility. I am sorry that you feel that some people have less severe IF issues than others, we are all in this journey together, and it sucks for each one of us. I don't think it matters how long any of us have been here, we should all be working on supporting each other instead of tearing people down.

I hope that you find the comfort and support you need, just as we all deserve here.

BethKate2 · July 2014

cupcake122 said:

apresmoi said:
However, I don't think voicing it out loud is ok. No matter how you phrase it, or what your intentions are, it's going to sound like the pain Olympics when you put it down in writing.

Yeah so I'm sorry that you feel that way. I am sorry for coming off as insensitive and for any insult that was derived from my rant. But I thought that this was a safe place to vent frustrations. So that's why I voiced this. And some girls have made me feel better by explaining that they've felt similarly. So um if you don't think it should've been voiced, I don't really know what to tell you. People have feelings and opinions and sometimes we don't like them. Maybe don't read threads I start anymore? Because when we are at the end of our ropes with IF, we should be able to vent. Isn't it ok to voice a controversial feeling in a place where there may be people who relate? Because I will assure you, no one in my real life could ever relate to my feelings today.

Oy.

You clarified that you meant TB in general and not just 3T (which I'm still questioning, but whatever), and that changed how people were viewing your post. You're not helping yourself at this point, though.

Have you considered blogging? I mean that seriously. If you blog, it allows you to vent about your feelings without really being concerned about how other people will respond. On TB, you're free to vent, but you're going to get people's honest opinions, even if you don't like them.

ashtownyeah · July 2014

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I'm still pretty new to this board, but sometimes I feel like you ladies are the only ones who get me. I'm sure this board was once a safe haven for you, too. I hope you can get back to that place. Sometimes this journey just knocks us off our feet, and it's okay to feel this way.

I do have to say that we don't always know the full story of others. I can't relate to all of your diagnoses, but despite that I hope you know that I'm here for you. To listen, to vent, to understand that IF sucks no matter what stage of treatment you're at.

Please take care of yourself, and come back when you're ready.

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