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now what???

jeephappygirljeephappygirl member
in Single Parents
After 3 years of the same cycle repeating with DH, I have decided I can't live like this anymore. He drinks too much, too often. It totally turns me off, which leads to no intimacy. Which then leads him to chat sites. This time It has gone to on going talking and texting directly. Before It was a one or two conversation thing. This has been going on now for a month and daily messeges with several of them. We did go to counseling 2 yrs ago with very little progress. It started after DD was born. Now I have 8 mo old twins. I have very little help from family with the kids. I quit a great job to stay home after the twins were born. What do I do first? We own our home. I bought it years before I knew him. But we paid it off together a few yrs ago. How am I going to raise these babies on my own. I feel like I'm drowning as it was.
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Re: now what???

  • freeatlast2014freeatlast2014 member
    What happens next is you take care of those babies. You just do the next right thing for the kids. If you don't think he will just leave the house it will get very hard and very ugly. You will cry and doubt and think many times that maybe, just maybe, he will change or maybe dealing with his issues is not as bad as doing it alone. But that is not true and we will help you. You should get support from family, friends, a therapist too. Tell them the truth, what is really really going on. Not just the version you feel comfortable sharing. One step at a time, one day at a time.

    Also, I would start stashing away cash now. Hide it.

    Have you discussed separating with him? What does he say?

    You deserve to be happy and your children deserve to grow up in a healthy happy home.
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  • LongIslandMama1114LongIslandMama1114 member
    I'm currently pregnant and a FTM so I'm not sure I have much experience. What I DO know is that my relationship with this baby's father was going downhill fast when I found out I was pregnant. I tried for 2 months to see if he would change and he didn't. I needed to do what was best for ME and for this little baby so I walked away. Is it scary to think I'll be going through it alone? Yes. For many reasons. But I tell you this...my happiness has drastically increased since I made the choice to eliminate him from my life. Your children will sense any kind of tenseness or awkwardness and it WILL affect them. You have to think of them. They, as well as you, deserve to be happy.
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  • MinnesotaMomma91MinnesotaMomma91 member
    What happens now is you stand up and put your big girl panties on. Your husband is in the wrong, look for a job, get day care, kick him out. Ask your family for help see a counciler. You feel like your drowning because you are so start swimming because for the next few years youll feel like your barely keeping your head above water but it will get better
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  • tig594tig594 member
    The logical thing would be to stay as long as you can possibly stand it.  If there is abuse going on then you should try to get out, though.  If not, stay, stash as much money as you can, work on finding a way to support your kids after you give him the boot.  Start doing your research on attorneys, go to some free consultations and pick one.  DO NOT just pick the first one you talk to.  it might not hurt to also line up a therapist to help you along if you can afford it.  Start getting your ducks in a row so when the time comes to actually have the talk/kick him out you're as ready as you possibly can be.   
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  • tig594tig594 member
    Oh, and as we always say here, if there is anything he does that would put your kids safety in jeopardy start documenting NOW.  This will be VERY important when deciding custody/visitation.  If he gets visitation will he be drunk/looking at porn/chatting to skanks when your kids are around?
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  • 20thirteen20thirteen member
    Yes, I agree with everyone.

    and DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT.  It's kind of our mantra here. 

    Sorry you are in this position, I hope we can offer you some support while you heal.
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  • jeephappygirljeephappygirl member
    Thanks Ladies. We had been avoiding the talk for a few days. He packed a bag this morning. I don't know how we are going to tell DD. He's a crappy husband but is a very good dad. That's a big part of why I didn't stand up for myself sooner. I feel horrible making daddy go away. I plan on playing as fair as possible. I love the man but we just can't make our marriage work. He says part of why he drinks is because of how I treat him. I do put the kids first & have no extra energy for him. He just doesn't see how hard it is to be a mom of 3 under 3 and EP. I probably have some PPD but haven't ever talked to anyone about it. I would love to see a counselor but don't see how I can with the kids. I have no one but him to watch them. ..and no extra money to pay a sitter.
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  • jellybean529jellybean529 member
    Everyone else has already said everything I'd say, but I just wanted to add my support. I'm going through a divorce too but I only have one child. Hugs friend.
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