Update! 12w+3, Lawyers, and Home study!

kelhenry85 · July 2014

So much has happened in the last few weeks.

My birth mother is fully committed, so she says, although I know things can always change. We've been talking almost daily about the pregnancy, the birth plan, and the relationships afterwards.

Today was the the first doctor visit! The birth mother thought she was 9w+4, but when we went to the visit, the ultrasound tech said she was 12w+3 with an expected due date of February 3rd! So much sooner than we thought!

She also contacted a lawyer, who referred her to another lawyer, who said I needed to call him... After talking to him, he sent me a "fee agreement" document that I will need to sign and pay the first fee for...

Holy Cow! So much happened today... Tomorrow, I have to go by the bank and see about a new line of credit to help cover some of these costs, and then our lawyer gave me the names of three potential people do the home study stuff... So I need to call them tomorrow.

Anyone have any suggestions about home study information? I've been looking at stuff online, but I'm curious if anyone has any advice from personal experience.

Also, from what I've read, this could take 3 to 6 months... We won't find out the sex of the baby for another six weeks, and we didn't want to have a baby shower until we find that out... and we didn't want to buy anything until we see what we get from the baby shower... Is that normal? Or should we go ahead and get basics (like a crib and a car seat) to prepare for the home study?

CarolinaGirl2014 · July 2014

Congrats on all the exciting news. I live in SC as well and placed me daughter for adoption in January. I just now read your other post- if you have any Q's about the process here, adoption agencies (ours moves the process along very quickly to get homestudy approved), counselors (there are very few good ones for adoption and your expectant mom will need that before and after placement no matter what she thinks now), hospitals (mine was adoption-friendly) and their procedures surrounding adoption, etc, feel free to personal message me. It's so much info to take in at once. I know it can also be scary to be pregnant and knowing you aren't going to raise the life inside you, so I'd be happy to talk to your expectant mom as well.

About the shower- my daughter's adoptive mom waited for her shower until I was about 38 weeks pregnant- I actually went into labor 2 days after it. Everyone does it differently, though. I think she waited so long because she had suffered a lot of loss and didn't want to get to "set" on it knowing I could change my mind at any time. And we were very close and I was very sure from early on.

kelhenry85 · July 2014

Thank you so much! I will definitely message you with questions, and I'll let my expectant mom know you're willing to talk to her as well.

justjinny · July 2014

I think the homestudy process can vary by state, but in our case it took just over 2 months. The actual in-home study portion was done within 2 weeks (2 2hr meetings with our SW) then the rest of the time was spent getting our background checks in order and all the other requirements (Dr. check up, TB test, Infant CPR course etc.). If you find the right lawyer/SW then the meeting portion should go quickly and it's just the paperwork side of things that drags. It's good you have a few months to get things in order just in case you run into roadblocks.

Our agency gave us a little checklist of things that needed to be in place in our home - outlet covers, smoke & carbon monoxide detectors, chemicals & plastic baggies put away in high shelves. For the child's room we just had to have a closet & dresser for their clothing (no clothes though) and a crib for them to sleep in that met the newest regulations for spacing on the bars. We also bought a car seat but no one ever checked for it. You might be able to check on your state's website for foster care to see what's required for your home to be ready - our agency had the same requirements to meet that the state did for foster homes.

We waited until just after our match to start buying the rest of the baby things, which was about 5 weeks before LO was born. Most of the clothes to start with we got in gender neutral colors (just in case) and I am really glad for that since they are now usable for LO#2. I think it's totally normal to hold off on buying much until the due date is closer.

Good luck with the upcoming weeks. It's awesome that you've got time to develop a relationship with the expectant Mom this far ahead of the birth!

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