I feel so defeated, STMs

LadyRoarsome · July 2014

E has always been well behaved and polite, especially for a two year old. He has his moments, who doesn't? But now he's supposedly acting out at day care. He used to love going, he actually only started late April. Now, it's a struggle to get him to go. I was called at wok yesterday and was told he had to leave because the teachers just couldn't handle him. When I walked in to pick him up he was sitting perfectly still with his hands in his lap watching tv while another child was hitting. I know my kid isn't a saint, but that child wasn't sent home, even have they bit E a few weeks ago. Supposedly they use tv to get the kids settled down before lunch/nap. They had us bring in a goodie bag with speacials treats if he had a good day, and now I feel they're using it negitively. H says when he picks E up the teachers have him to the point of tears because they tell him he wasn't a good boy so he doesn't get anything from his bag, which if you tell a kid they're not good, they're not going to be. He told me yesterday that one of the little kids hit him. E wants mommy to cuddle him every night, he tells me he misses me, and wants to to stay home with him. He's breaking my heart. I have a meeting with daycare on Moday, but Im starting to think its time to switch centers. Now with another baby coming I fear it will get worse. Anyone have any suggestions or ideas on what to do?

Sorry for what seems like a long rant, I'm jut having a rough time and needed to get it out.

Agape. · July 2014

My son is 2.5 and has been in daycare and if they ever called me to come pick him up early I would be mad. First off I don't agree with Tv at a center and I don't understand how terrible a two year old can be that they couldn't handle him. I think it is failure on the caregivers part and not your son. To taunt the kid about not getting a treat because he wasn't good is not an appropriate way to encourage good behavior for a two year old. I would go in to that meeting with them, see what constructive things they have to say and give them a piece of my mind. If their care doesn't align with yours take him out and find a new daycare.

beachy6 · July 2014

You need to listen to your gut. If it says something just isn't okay about a situation, it probably isn't.

Kids aren't perfect all the time and a dc should know how to handle a child who is having a rough day. It's their job. To call you to pick him up? Not okay! What if you couldn't get away? Would he just have sat and watched tv all afternoon? I wouldn't be okay with that. Voice your opinion at the meeting and if you don't like what you hear from them, take your money and child elsewhere!

Best of luck and keep us updated!

LadyRoarsome · July 2014

I don't agree with the tv either, and plan on speaking very openly at the meeting. When I picked him up yesterday he went right to his bag and told me he wanted a treat. I didn't give him one, but all he says now is how he doesn't listen at school. My husband and I both agree that something's going on. He called and spoke with the director yesterday who pretty me blamed everything on us instead of trying to come up with solutions that could go on there. We're not having the issue at home, it's a school. She I'm being naive but how do I really resolve a problem that I don't see at all. I used to work at a center, and I have NEVER had to, or saw a co-worker send a child home over behavior or sit with the tv on a daily basis to calm kids down. I just feel completely stuck, but am going to start looking for a new center.

weezy29 · July 2014

I think it's time to look into other options. It's obvious your son is not respecting the workers by admitting he doesn't listen and acting out. If at two he feels this way, his instincts may be driving it. TV at a daycare is NOT okay, especially at such a young age. As for sending him home, I only see that as acceptable if he is sick or continually harming another child by constantly hitting or biting and it doesn't sound like that is the case. He deserves to be somewhere that he feels comfortable and you need the same!! Good luck!

MaineMama · July 2014

I would definitely find a new provider ASAP. No adult should be shaming a 2yo for not behaving. Its fine to tell them that what they did was wrong, but in no way should they harp on it so much that the child stays upset about it.

mlee116 · July 2014

I'm sorry you and your son are dealing with this. Personally, I'd definitely be looking elsewhere so that both of you can be happier. At DS's DC the only time we'd get called to come get him is if he is sick or he is seriously misbehaving, like really harming other kids. Otherwise, they should be qualified to deal with it.

DS's DC has TV occasionally in the 2+ room and I honestly don't have a problem with that. It's used very infrequently (almost like a treat) and for very short periods. However, I would take issue with them using frequently or it as a way to deal with problems.

I also wouldn't like their method of giving him food for good behavior and then telling him he is a bad boy & harping on it. It's just such a negative and mean way to speak to a toddler. I agree with PP's that it almost sounds like he is defending himself by lashing out. And honestly, it also sounds like they are singling him out. I'd tell them your concerns so that maybe they can work on it in the future, but I'd take my child elsewhere.

LadyRoarsome · July 2014

I would like to say that they asked me to provide the treat bag and I did. I chose what went in it and there were a few packs of fruit snacks and lollipops, the rest were little cheap things that he enjoys. I don't agree with using food either. I'm feel a little better knowing that it seems as though you would all feel as I do right now. H and I are going to start looking for other providers. It's just tough because I'm sketchy on in home providers around here

Annya26 · July 2014

I don't agree with anything that you have said that center is doing. My son is 2.5 and he RUNS to class smiling every day.

TV's have no place in a daycare in my opinion, especially to be used as a crutch to settle kids down. *Maybe for a treat for a movie day once a month?* What happened to good old fashioned sitting down with them and reading a book, setting up a routine so they naturally settle knowing that quiet time is coming next?

The way they are using the treats is unacceptable in my opinion. Kids should never be told they aren't good, and at this age that is a super challenging concept to get. Also not a fan of food for rewards, and don't like the way that sets them up...

Definitely sounds like its time to find a new daycare - when you find the right one you will KNOW. I have no questions, qualms, or concerns about leaving my son there all day. I know he is in good hands. Every parent deserves to have that confidence when they drop their child off!

nopegoat · July 2014

Oh sweetie. No. Definitely find a new center that is a better fit for your little buddy. Hugs lady! I am sorry.

abcmom12 · July 2014

I concur, find a new center ASAP. You child doesn't seemed to be taken well care of and almost emotionally abused. My 2 yr DD LOVES her daycare and knows so many of the providers there by name and gives them hugs all the time. TV also doesn't show up at her center unless it's a special holiday and it's at the end of the day with few kids left.

Cheekers2010 · July 2014

I'm going to agree with everyone else and say that you probably need to change centers. I'm sorry. How discouraging. If your gut is telling you that it isn't working out AND you're seeing signs that there are problems, that's all it takes. I hope you have another good option out there!

jessinaround · July 2014

Get a new day care ASAP!

KristenFMR · July 2014

I would also suggest finding a new center if you aren't very attached to the one you are at and have other options. When my son was 2 it was a hard time for him in daycare but I don't think there is anything he could be doing that would warrant them calling you and saying he needs to leave. Even when a child bites or hits the teacher should be able to deal with that in a constructive way because they are 2 and that is age appropriate behavior. I had many days where I would dred going in to pick up my son at that age because they would tell me he was being bad and I hated that feeling. Overall my son is a great kid but that all have phases they go through. I stuck with my daycare and sat down and had conversations with the teachers to see if they were just overreacting because they were frustrated at the end of a long day. And it turns out usually they were other teachers and the director would say No he is such a good boy, so some of it may just be the teacher being frustrated or needing more help. It was a huge stressor for me to think of finding a new daycare center because I had chosen the one I did because I thought they were the best choice for us. Now my son is 3.5 and he is so well adjusted and loves his school so much sometimes he cries when he has to leave and he is always telling everyone he has the best school in the world. So if it's too stressful for you right now being pregnant and switching schools then I would sit down with the teachers and directors and say look how bad is this really I see other kids misbehaving and they are not told to go home.

ColeyCannoli · July 2014

If a daycare worker can't handle a child then it's the worker who should be removed - not the children. If she thinks there is something seriously wrong, then she can address that with you or even CPS. But a healthy 2-year-old acting up? That's something s/he should be able to handle or look for new work. Switch centers, this sounds ridiculous.

LadyRoarsome · July 2014

I completely agree that he's two he's going to go through phases and act up at times. My H said this to the director And she pretty much told him that there's nothing wrong with her staff, that they were great. I guess what peeves me most is that I know how a center works, know how kids are. We've all had that kid in class, but you have to learn how to work with them. He used to love going to school all the time, always wanted to go on Saturday and was said when I told him they were closed. I just wish I knew what changed. What was really going on.

freakyfast · July 2014

Are they telling how/why he is acting up? If a child is not wanting to go somewhere where they once liked to go, that is a huge red flag. I agree with everyone that you need to find a new place. It seems like their practice needs work. Lots of hugs to you. I know it is hard.

LadyRoarsome · July 2014

They don't really tell me why he's acting out. They told me one that he threw a fit because he had to give a toy to another child. E shares all the time. I'm not saying its no possible, but I feel like he's being a following and watching what the other kids do. He's never hit his cousin or friends outside of school, I was told he hit the one day there. Well yesterday after I picked him up and ask what happen he told me a kid hit him. I feel like there is a lot of hitting and he's acting how he knows how to. He's been there 3 months and had been bit once and hit a couple of times.

mlee116 · July 2014

LadyRoarsome said: They don't really tell me why he's acting out. They told me one that he threw a fit because he had to give a toy to another child. E shares all the time. I'm not saying its no possible, but I feel like he's being a following and watching what the other kids do. He's never hit his cousin or friends outside of school, I was told he hit the one day there. Well yesterday after I picked him up and ask what happen he told me a kid hit him. I feel like there is a lot of hitting and he's acting how he knows how to. He's been there 3 months and had been bit once and hit a couple of times. ____________________________________________________________________

This sounds like typical toddler behavior, nothing to be concerned about it. In fact, I don't know a two year old who doesn't hit occasionally or throw fits. Although these behaviors aren't pleasant, they are developmentally appropriate and I'm surprised that the DCPs don't seem to know that.

mhsj425 · July 2014

I never post but had to here because I know how hard that can be. I have an 8 yr old daughter and one thing I learned is it is your job to stick up for your baby regardless of what they say to you at the daycare. I was very quiet about it, I didn't want to "upset the people who were taking care of my kid" so I tried to keep a low profile and I totally regretted it. They are not doing you a favor by watching your child, you are paying them (probably a lot). Go to the meeting and stick to your guns- your child should be happy going there and if not they should help you find out why. TV at daycare is not great, and in my opinion neither is using a treat bag (or any food at all) as a reward/punishment.

Anyway, listen to your gut and don't let them bully you. Good luck!

JunkieBrewster · July 2014

when my son was in a center for Pre K, he randomly started crying when I dropped him off.
I had a feeling something was off, yet i did nothing.

he told me one day that the teacher slammed her fist on to the table and screamed at them all to shut up. I brought it up to the director and she said that of course she didn't believe that haD happened.
none the less she would talk with the teachers to make sure that they were using a much more constructive way to get the kids to be quiet.

the very next day when I dropped my son off he started crying again , and I SAT there with him trying to calm him down.

the teacher came up to him and told him if he did not stop crying that she would send him to the baby room. It upset me, but after I got home I started getting really really pissed off, and went back to the day care.

the director called the teacher in there and teacher flat out denied ever saying that, even though I was sitting right there.

I pulled him out and took him to another school, where he started having accidents, because he would refuse to go to the bathroom. The teachers at his new center put together that he was being punished with timeout In the bathroom at the old center.

that very day is when I decided I was opening my own daycare center.

if your gut is telling you something is wrong, it probably is.

drpayne · July 2014

Definitely NOT normal. You need to look for another day care. The fact that they sit them in front of TV is a big red flag to me (not to mention studies suggesting that the blue light does the opposite of calm them down). It sounds like they have no clue how to deal with normal children.

LadyRoarsome · July 2014

I've realized today that no matter what the teachers only focus on the negative. I'm so stressed with this situation. I'm to the point to where I wish I could quit my job and just stay home with him. There are so few reputable centers in my area.

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I feel so defeated, STMs

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