Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
TheaRae
member
Re: Husband wants family there for the Birth
Perhaps find some middle ground? If he really wants his family to meet the little one they can do so after you had a chance to shower, change and the one hour skin to skin contact. Perhaps if you explain why this is so important. (such as the benefits for your baby and family) on top of why you don't want any one else in the room besides him and your mom. Giving birth is a stressful thing (especially for a first time mom). You only want the people in the room that you are comfortable with.
But this is something you guys need to sit down and discuss. This will be the first of many issues that will come up with your little one. hopefully you can talk it out.
Second, the number of people your DH wants is a lot, and he needs to understand you need recovery time. That being said, you should allow his parents to visit afterwards. Give yourself the hour, but understand that they want to meet their grandchild just as much as your mom wants to. The rest of the visitors can wait until later when you are settled in.
Your husband is being an asshole. Your comfort comes first, not his, and not either of your family's. Yes he should get a say, but if you are not comfortable with these arrangements then that should be the end of discussion. You are only asking for a few hours at most after birth for some privacy, nothing unreasonable.
I'm not saying this would be the right thing to do, but if my husband insisted on any ILs being in the room I would be so pissed I would tell him he's more than welcome to not be in the room either. And I would mean it. Because I am not there to be put on display for other people I'm not comfortable with.
He has NO right to tell you who can be in the room during labor and who can't. He's not the patient. Ask him if he would like to labor and push a baby out of his peen-hole in front of his ILs.
Sorry, I'm just getting more and more ragey hearing about SOs trying to stomp all over their partners comfort when said partners' requests are not at all unreasonable.
As for the rest of the family in the waiting room, tell them they are welcome to wait but that you will be doing the hour of skin on skin bonding before anyone comes in. There are some good videos etc. on the steps of self-latching after birth -- maybe you could find a good one to show your DH to help him understand why this is important.
All I'm saying is you need to be considerate of your husband's feelings. It's not a bad thing that everyone wants to show their happiness for you and meet baby.
that out of the way....
1. Check with your hospital, mine only allows three people in the room. For us that's DH, my doula and my mom. This was non-negotiable for me and I was super clear about that with DH. Now, he's not the type and his parents aren't the type to push for more. and he would NEVER say something like "if my mom can't come in then yours can't either" um.... F THAT. It's YOUR body. That would so not EVER fly with me.
2. As to the waiting room - we had a BUNCH of people in the waiting room. Before the pushing they came to see me (and it was so nice), and once we were settled with LO in my arms they came in to see. NOTE I SAID: SEE not hold. No F'ing way would I be passing around a brand new baby. But I also was not going to keep my child's grandparents (in my case my dad and stepdad) and uncle (my brother) from meeting him.
Honestly, I totally think you should compromise on the waiting room - who cares? it's their time waiting around, and if they want to spend it at the hospital, what's the biggie? You'll let them in when you're good and ready. If that's an hour and they just get to see LO, cool. If it's 20 mins and it's a quick peek, ok. If it's 3 hours and then everyone gets to play pass the baby, OK. It'll be what it'll be, but I don't understand telling your in laws they can't wait IN THE WAITING ROOM.
Tell your husband next time he pushes a baby out of his vagina he gets a say. I never understand the husbands digging their heels in about this.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
As for mothers in the room, I'm a little different. I can see his side of this. It is his child being born too, and it is a really special moment. I think the best thing is to compromise, and unfortunately in this case it may be both or neither. But it may be that your mom is there during the delivery and his mom comes in right after, during your skin to skin. Maybe have both there during the labor but when pushing starts they both leave? There are options other than all or nothing. Check with your OB/hospital, mine only allowed two support people, one being my husband, so both moms wasn't even an option.
Final note: You don't have to let ANYONE hold the baby! You can just smile when they come visit and keep that little one in your arms
Good luck.
It's really not up for discussion.
I felt awkward enough with hubby and 2 midwives as I sat in the tub and pushed.
Married: August 2012
DD: 9/22/2014
My SIL made everyone leave for about 45 minutes and then she allowed grandparents in first, brothers, nieces and nephews and then everyone else. It kinda sucked being the only one out of my family not seeing the baby when they did but that's what she wanted. No one should ask to hold the baby, you should offer.
As far as the waiting room, I would pull up the articles on skin to skin, breastfeeding importance and explain how you want to take your time with the things that are important for your family. Once that is complete essential visitors will be welcome, and then less essential visitors can follow the next day. I do not think you are being unreasonable. I would keep reminding him that you are pushing that baby out and while you want to celebrate new life with your family you also need to heal and bond.
That whole situation is just not good.
Stand your ground now.
I didn't want anyone in the room besides DH (and the medical staff). Fortunately, no one was rude enough to dispute it.
Zoe Nicole: 8/21/14
Due again: 1/17/18
You're the patient, by the way. Not your husband. If you tell the nurses that you want your mom there but not your MIL, that's what will happen.
My MIL wanted to be there, but I just wanted DH and that's what I got. No one else needs to see me in labor or pushing out a baby.
I don't think I showered before my parents came to visit, but I definitely showered at some point the next day. And I had my skin to skin time and was able to try to feed him before having visitors.
Having a baby is hard work. Yes, it's your husband's baby, too but you deserve all the consideration during and right after having the baby as far as I'm concerned.
visitors after birth should be a sit down conversation and you two should come up with a compromise.
IMO, your DH is being entirely selfish. Giving birth needs to be all about YOU. If you aren't comfortable with his mother in the room, she's not allowed in there. If you want your mother's support, she damn well better be there with you. First of all, I don't think they'd even allow three extra people in the delivery room.
Secondly, depending on your hospital, there might be no "waiting room" where family can sit and wait. It's not like the movies. Where I had my daughter is a huge hospital specializing in women and infants but there is no waiting room as such. The nurse on duty is in charge of whether or not someone else can sit and wait in a hallway near delivery, for security reasons. My father was at the hospital the night I gave birth; he was allowed to wait in the hallway when two of the nurses were in charge, the third one made him go wait in the cafeteria.
If you haven't resolved it by the time you're in L&D, get the nurses on your side. Let them be the bad guys who tell your MIL she's not allowed.
Advocate for yourself. It needs to be all about you.
I wouldn't expect my mother to be in the room after he has surgery but I totally understand his mom in there
This is about you and needing support of your own mom for YOU and not the baby. Yes she will see the baby but her purpose there is not for the birth itself but to support you. Your girl parts and everything else will be exposed... Bottom line is HIS mother has no business seeing that if you don't want her too..
As far as family being there and ready to pounce just tell the nurses, they will advocate for you with this.
Therefore this time I'm not taking any company until the next day or maybe even when I'm home.
Also you're doing something huge, have whoever makes you feel comfortable around you.
Lurking from N14. I told DH a long time ago that the only people that can be in the room are the people who made this LO and the people that made me.
DH mentioned in the begining that he would like his mom in the room but I quickly shut that down. Plus it kinda helps that my mom is the most calming person to be around ever and his mom is a basket of nerves lol It's pretty bad that I would be willing to ask my dad to hold my hand before MIL if my mom couldn't make it.
Me 32 and DH 40
Fur-baby named Bella
1 MC Nov. 2013
DD born Nov. 2, 2014
Little 2 EDD Oct. 1
Your husband is a douchebag.
You are the patient, you get the say of you can be with you when you deliver and who can visit when you are in your room.