Preparing LO for new baby?

jac409 · July 2014

We have a few months yet, but I feel like we should start trying to prepare DD for the new baby and I need some ideas. I just ordered a few books for her from Amazon...a big sister book, one about waiting for the new baby and one about when the new baby comes home. I often tell her there is a baby in mummy's tummy. One day she pulled up my shirt, looked at my belly and then looked at me like I was crazy. Lol. She plays with her dolls all the time, burps them, feeds them, covers them with a blanket and shushes me when they are napping. What else can we do to prepare her? Any advice? Also, my MIL has been dying to get her an American Girl Itty Bitty Baby doll, so I told her that it might be a good thing to have for her when we bring the new baby home. That way, she also gets a new baby all her own to take care of. Does that sound like a good idea?

SingleMom31 · July 2014

I thought we were doing well telling her that she's going to have a baby sister, etc. Then she started calling our neighbor's puppy "baby" and I'm back to not being sure how much she understands.

I do like the idea of a special toy for her though. My mom actually suggested that for us since that's what they did with my little brother came home. She also suggested having some new toys on hand for when people bring baby presents so that she doesn't get jealous (she was thinking like crayons or a puzzle... nothing huge).

Maybe some of the moms of two have advice... @minervacullen‌?

JessAnnJ · July 2014

I'm due in October and honestly I think our LO's are too young for us to prepare them now. I think DD is incredibly intelligent for her age but the concept of being a big sister and there actually being a baby in my belly is just too complicated. I think anything I do right now is more about making myself feel better. From talking to other people I am going to do my best to keep DD's routine as close to normal as possible and I'm going to include her by letting her help with the baby as much as she can. DD loves to help with things so I think letting her bring diapers and help in little ways will help her feel more included in the process.

jac409 · July 2014

@JessAnnJ‌ , I completely agree about involving her as much as possible. She does love to help. I was wondering the same thing about her being to young to understand, no matter what we do to prepare her. She is such a snugly little thing, still always wanting to be held. I love that about her, but the closer we get to November, I wish she was a little more independent. I guess I am most worried about the initial transition when she is no longer the sole center of attention any longer and I can't hold her as much as I do now. I guess that is where involving her comes into play.

JessAnnJ · July 2014

I think most parents struggle emotionally with this issue. I think the hard thing will be me having enough energy with trying to BF and healing and getting little sleep to still be able to give DD enough attention.

kristine618 · July 2014

I'm in the same boat with new baby due in September and trying to prepare DD. Just ordered those same books off Amazon but haven't had a chance to read them yet. I have been telling her for months that there is a baby in my belly, and she is constantly pointing at my belly and saying "baby!" (and I know she knows what a baby is) but sometimes she points to her own stomach and does the same, so I'm doubting she understands. I am worried about how she will feel when the new baby arrives and I'm able to give her the attention she is used to, but everyone says it's easier when they are too young to understand and that she will adapt easily, so I hope that's true.

SingleMom31 · July 2014

I was rocking DD to sleep tonight and started thinking about how I won't be able to as much when DD2 arrives. It really bummed me out since that's our special time and really the only time I get cuddles anymore. I know that it'll be good for her to have a sister in the long run and all, just a little sad about having to split time.

ExcitedAunt2b · July 2014

My sister is pregnant and due in October, I'm waiting for the baby to kick when Morgan is around and see what she does. Morgan is obsessed with putting stuff up her shirt, so I'm always curious of what she'll do when she actually notices my sister. She's been around her and stuff but I don't think she's paid too much attention. I would like to sit her down and let her "feel" the baby move but my sister doesn't like people touching her, don't blame her at all!!, but I think Morgan would get a kick out of it...no pun intended

*LrCg* · July 2014

I just had my 4th. My first 2 were 16 months apart & then we had a 2 year gap & these last 2 are 18 months apart. We never had issues with any of them adapting they just instantly fell in love & it was clear they really understood a lot during the pregnancy. We always kept them involved and they went with us to all our prenatal appointments & my midwife involved them with helping measure my belly & using the Doppler. We do home births and my babies always arrive after the kids went to sleep & in the morning its like Christmas for them finding a baby in our bed!! Right now its hard for DH & I to hold the baby because we have 3 others wanting to hold him!!

jac409 · July 2014

*LrCg* said:

I just had my 4th. My first 2 were 16 months apart & then we had a 2 year gap & these last 2 are 18 months apart. We never had issues with any of them adapting they just instantly fell in love & it was clear they really understood a lot during the pregnancy. We always kept them involved and they went with us to all our prenatal appointments & my midwife involved them with helping measure my belly & using the Doppler. We do home births and my babies always arrive after the kids went to sleep & in the morning its like Christmas for them finding a baby in our bed!! Right now its hard for DH & I to hold the baby because we have 3 others wanting to hold him!!

This is good to hear! And congrats on your new addition! She does go to all of my appointments with me. I really don't feel like she gets it at all, but we still have a few months.

*LrCg* · July 2014

jac409 said:

*LrCg* said:

I just had my 4th. My first 2 were 16 months apart & then we had a 2 year gap & these last 2 are 18 months apart. We never had issues with any of them adapting they just instantly fell in love & it was clear they really understood a lot during the pregnancy. We always kept them involved and they went with us to all our prenatal appointments & my midwife involved them with helping measure my belly & using the Doppler. We do home births and my babies always arrive after the kids went to sleep & in the morning its like Christmas for them finding a baby in our bed!! Right now its hard for DH & I to hold the baby because we have 3 others wanting to hold him!!

This is good to hear! And congrats on your new addition! She does go to all of my appointments with me. I really don't feel like she gets it at all, but we still have a few months.

Thanks!! Trust me, believe it or not they get it!! As young as 16 months old my LO got it. My current 18 month old would pat my stomach & say baby (she got that from the appointments). I wasn't sure she understood because I had an anterior placenta so we never felt the baby on the outside. But the morning she met him she beamed & said baby. A few days later she patted my stomach & said belly then patted her brother & said baby. I knew then she got it. They sense a lot more then you think and as long as you continue the love (which I'm sure you will) they will feel secure with the new baby.

JessAnnJ · July 2014

SingleMom31 said:
I was rocking DD to sleep tonight and started thinking about how I won't be able to as much when DD2 arrives. It really bummed me out since that's our special time and really the only time I get cuddles anymore. I know that it'll be good for her to have a sister in the long run and all, just a little sad about having to split time.

This exactly. I'm just trying to enjoy every moment we have as a family of three. Like you I know it's better in the long run, but it's hard not to be sad thinking about some of the changes.

JessAnnJ · July 2014

ExcitedAunt2b said:
My sister is pregnant and due in October, I'm waiting for the baby to kick when Morgan is around and see what she does. Morgan is obsessed with putting stuff up her shirt, so I'm always curious of what she'll do when she actually notices my sister. She's been around her and stuff but I don't think she's paid too much attention. I would like to sit her down and let her "feel" the baby move but my sister doesn't like people touching her, don't blame her at all!!, but I think Morgan would get a kick out of it...no pun intended

I haven't been able to get DD to feel my belly. She just slaps it when I try to get her to touch it.

ExcitedAunt2b · July 2014

@jessannj, that's cute!

jac409 · July 2014

JessAnnJ said:

My sister is pregnant and due in October, I'm waiting for the baby to kick when Morgan is around and see what she does. Morgan is obsessed with putting stuff up her shirt, so I'm always curious of what she'll do when she actually notices my sister. She's been around her and stuff but I don't think she's paid too much attention. I would like to sit her down and let her "feel" the baby move but my sister doesn't like people touching her, don't blame her at all!!, but I think Morgan would get a kick out of it...no pun intended
I haven't been able to get DD to feel my belly. She just slaps it when I try to get her to touch it.

That is funny. Mine is just obsessed with my belly button. Oh, and my boobs all of a sudden, even though she has been weaned since January.

JessAnnJ · July 2014

ExcitedAunt2b said:
@jessannj, that's cute!

She slaps it yells belly and laughs. No wonder this baby is more active.

ExcitedAunt2b · July 2014

I can't wait to see pictures of all our new babies!!! Heck, I can't wait to contribute to the new baby photos! Not yet, but within the next 4 months or so...we shall see

kristine618 · July 2014

*LrCg* said:

*LrCg* said:

I just had my 4th. My first 2 were 16 months apart & then we had a 2 year gap & these last 2 are 18 months apart. We never had issues with any of them adapting they just instantly fell in love & it was clear they really understood a lot during the pregnancy. We always kept them involved and they went with us to all our prenatal appointments & my midwife involved them with helping measure my belly & using the Doppler. We do home births and my babies always arrive after the kids went to sleep & in the morning its like Christmas for them finding a baby in our bed!! Right now its hard for DH & I to hold the baby because we have 3 others wanting to hold him!!

This is good to hear! And congrats on your new addition! She does go to all of my appointments with me. I really don't feel like she gets it at all, but we still have a few months.
Thanks!! Trust me, believe it or not they get it!! As young as 16 months old my LO got it. My current 18 month old would pat my stomach & say baby (she got that from the appointments). I wasn't sure she understood because I had an anterior placenta so we never felt the baby on the outside. But the morning she met him she beamed & said baby. A few days later she patted my stomach & said belly then patted her brother & said baby. I knew then she got it. They sense a lot more then you think and as long as you continue the love (which I'm sure you will) they will feel secure with the new baby.

That is really touching and reassuring. For some reason the thought of sharing my attention and how she might feel no longer being our only child really makes me extremely emotional - I guess it's the pregnancy hormones. She's clearly going to be fine with it more than I will. I've been reading the "i'm a big sister" books with her now and can't get through the books without choking up and crying afterwards. I'm an emotional wreck.

*LrCg* · July 2014

kristine618 said:

*LrCg* said:

jac409 said:

*LrCg* said:

I just had my 4th. My first 2 were 16 months apart & then we had a 2 year gap & these last 2 are 18 months apart. We never had issues with any of them adapting they just instantly fell in love & it was clear they really understood a lot during the pregnancy. We always kept them involved and they went with us to all our prenatal appointments & my midwife involved them with helping measure my belly & using the Doppler. We do home births and my babies always arrive after the kids went to sleep & in the morning its like Christmas for them finding a baby in our bed!! Right now its hard for DH & I to hold the baby because we have 3 others wanting to hold him!!

This is good to hear! And congrats on your new addition! She does go to all of my appointments with me. I really don't feel like she gets it at all, but we still have a few months.
Thanks!! Trust me, believe it or not they get it!! As young as 16 months old my LO got it. My current 18 month old would pat my stomach & say baby (she got that from the appointments). I wasn't sure she understood because I had an anterior placenta so we never felt the baby on the outside. But the morning she met him she beamed & said baby. A few days later she patted my stomach & said belly then patted her brother & said baby. I knew then she got it. They sense a lot more then you think and as long as you continue the love (which I'm sure you will) they will feel secure with the new baby.

That is really touching and reassuring. For some reason the thought of sharing my attention and how she might feel no longer being our only child really makes me extremely emotional - I guess it's the pregnancy hormones. She's clearly going to be fine with it more than I will. I've been reading the "i'm a big sister" books with her now and can't get through the books without choking up and crying afterwards. I'm an emotional wreck.

I know its hard to believe this but you will be amazed at how instantly you fall for your baby & how your heart/love doesn't split but it multiplies!! I have 4 kids 5 & under & there have been a few times I've wondered should I have had them all back to back, did I miss out on spending time with them but then I see how loving they are to each other & compassionate, etc & those are traits I don't think they would have learned without a sibling. A sibling is one of the greatest gifts we could give them. When I see my 18 month old get all upset because her baby brother is fussing & she runs and calms him & babbles soothing words to him I know she learned that from me & DH & I'm proud. I promise you will still get your alone time with each child! I will warn you after the birth of each of my babies the previous baby immediately looked so much bigger & older- I'm never ready for that

Best Wishes!!

jsoubel · July 2014

I didn't bother trying to explain to DD1, but she was only 15 months when DD2 debuted. Since we brought DD2 home, DD1 seems to love her and really likes playing with her baby doll while I take care of DD2. It's sweet and funny to see her walking back and forth in DD2's room, holding her baby doll, shushing and patting her back. The nice thing about her being so young is that she didn't question whether DD2 was here to stay; she just accepts that her little sister is here. Just this weekend, she said DD2's name for the first time, and my heart melted. I think the only real thing to worry about is how you're going to be handle that intensity of cuteness.

kristine618 · July 2014

*LrCg* said:

*LrCg* said:

*LrCg* said:

I just had my 4th. My first 2 were 16 months apart & then we had a 2 year gap & these last 2 are 18 months apart. We never had issues with any of them adapting they just instantly fell in love & it was clear they really understood a lot during the pregnancy. We always kept them involved and they went with us to all our prenatal appointments & my midwife involved them with helping measure my belly & using the Doppler. We do home births and my babies always arrive after the kids went to sleep & in the morning its like Christmas for them finding a baby in our bed!! Right now its hard for DH & I to hold the baby because we have 3 others wanting to hold him!!

This is good to hear! And congrats on your new addition! She does go to all of my appointments with me. I really don't feel like she gets it at all, but we still have a few months.
Thanks!! Trust me, believe it or not they get it!! As young as 16 months old my LO got it. My current 18 month old would pat my stomach & say baby (she got that from the appointments). I wasn't sure she understood because I had an anterior placenta so we never felt the baby on the outside. But the morning she met him she beamed & said baby. A few days later she patted my stomach & said belly then patted her brother & said baby. I knew then she got it. They sense a lot more then you think and as long as you continue the love (which I'm sure you will) they will feel secure with the new baby.

That is really touching and reassuring. For some reason the thought of sharing my attention and how she might feel no longer being our only child really makes me extremely emotional - I guess it's the pregnancy hormones. She's clearly going to be fine with it more than I will. I've been reading the "i'm a big sister" books with her now and can't get through the books without choking up and crying afterwards. I'm an emotional wreck.
I know its hard to believe this but you will be amazed at how instantly you fall for your baby & how your heart/love doesn't split but it multiplies!! I have 4 kids 5 & under & there have been a few times I've wondered should I have had them all back to back, did I miss out on spending time with them but then I see how loving they are to each other & compassionate, etc & those are traits I don't think they would have learned without a sibling. A sibling is one of the greatest gifts we could give them. When I see my 18 month old get all upset because her baby brother is fussing & she runs and calms him & babbles soothing words to him I know she learned that from me & DH & I'm proud. I promise you will still get your alone time with each child! I will warn you after the birth of each of my babies the previous baby immediately looked so much bigger & older- I'm never ready for that Best Wishes!!

Thank you so much. Very well put. This makes me feel so much better, and I am going to remember and be looking forward to these positive things next time I'm feeling sappy about it again.

perfectlove09 · August 2014

This might be long lol but I've been doing a lot of reading on the topic.
At this age, even starting about 12 months old, toddlers understand SO much more than people give them credit for. It's very important for you to keep that in mind and not assume LO won't need some prepping. Which obviously you know bc you're asking lol.

As for prepping:
-Bring up the next baby occasionally. Try not to drill into his/her head every day that another baby is coming or that she is going to be a big sister. It can get overwhelming and she might need a break.

-try to refer to the next baby as baby #2, tiny baby, next baby, baby "C" (or your own last initial" and not as "the new baby". Like I said, they comprehend more than we think and "new" implies there is also "old". And that can make your current LO feel like they are being replaced.

-show DD pictures and you tube videos of new born babies. Show her the ultrasound photos of when she was in your tummy. Show her photos of your maternity pics or just any of when you were pg with her. Explain to her the things you're showing her. (With dd I've noticed tremendous understanding doing things this way. The other day we could hear a jack hammer going off by our home and it scared her. I explained it to her and showed her videos of what she was hearing and now her favorite word is "lax jamer" lol. We prep her for things like this.

-let her help you prepare for the baby.

-remember it's "our" baby. We say "it's mommy's baby, it's daddy's baby, it's Alivia's baby" and she repeats it. If she feels the baby is hers too she may respond better to it and helping you when it comes.

Once baby is here :
-when you are nursing have dd sit next to you and read to her. Physical touch is great and her sitting RIGHT next to you will help both of you still feel connected.

-wear the baby as often as possible so you're hands are free for DD

-make her a "diaper bag" for her own dolls. Also keep diapers and wipes, burp clothes, toys etc somewhere the DD can get them for you. She will want to help you.

-let her pick out baby's clothes for the day. Or pj's

-have a gift from the baby to give to dd and have dd pick out a gift for the baby. Wait until closer to your due date so that she remembers that she picked it out.

- if you can. Have dd meet the baby in the hospital. If this is her first time away from you overnight it will reassure her that you were somewhere "safe"/nearby. And it gives her a chance to get aquatinted with baby before it just shows up at your house.

-along that same line. Again if you can, try to have someone else holding the baby when you DD gets to the hospital. As much as you prep she's still going to be thrown off by seeing you hold this new little person after dd has been away from you.

-do have toys/coloring books/ something for dd when friends visit that bring presents for baby. Also, let dd open the gifts for the baby.

Again....this is just what I've read for the last several months. Take what you want from it

My dd lifts up my shirt everyday and gives the baby "baby hug" or kisses. She actually says "baby hug" lol. When she sees a little baby at the grocery store or park she says "tiny baby! Mommy tummy!" And points to my tummy. Yes...once in a while she points to her tummy and says "tiny baby" but that's no indication that she doesn't understand the majority of it.

I also read on an AP website that it's VERY important to bond with the new baby. Don't ever feel like you should sacrifice the very important bond you need to develop with the baby. If your dd was raised AP/lots of love/etc then she will be ok. The site said some mothers feel so guilty and worried about hurting the older child that they forfeit/forget/sacrifice attaching to their new little one. Take time to spend alone with DD and keep cuddling, loving, singing etc and she will know she's loved.

jac409 · August 2014

@perfectlove09‌ , those are great tips! I have been doing a bit of reading about this myself lately. I had never really thought about the hospital and making sure someone else is holding the baby when she comes to meet him, but that makes a lot of sense. We have been reading her new big sister/ new baby books and she is loving them. One of them even shows the mom going to the doctor, getting blood pressure checked, getting an ultrasound, etc., which I love because she goes with me to my appointments. It is so hard to tell what they do or don't understand, but hopefully we will get there.

JessAnnJ · August 2014

Does anyone have sibling books to read to LO about the baby that they like? Agree reading the post by @perfectlove09‌ I feel like I should try a little harder to explain things to DD.

jac409 · August 2014

These are the three I got and we really like them: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0061900621/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1; https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1846432758/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1; https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1846432766/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

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