This is my own fault, I know...(Pregnancy mentioned - not mine)

Chasity08 · July 2014

So I work full time doing medical billing junk, but I actually went to college for photography. I run a little photog business on the side and do alright for myself with it. I mostly focus on pushing for shoots when I'm in need of extra funds (such as with my RE bills right now....), otherwise I just kind of let the business trickle in on it's own and use it for fun stuff.

Anyhow....I recently had 2 different clients contact me - one about a newborn shoot and one about a maternity shoot. Now, I had been for a while turning these away because it was just really difficult for me...but we are in desperate need for a large payment to our RE...and these 2 shoots alone would bring in a couple hundred dollars...so I decided to just suck it up and try and do it anyways so as to put less of a strain on our monthly budget. The newborn shoot was tough, but I got through it, and just tried to focus on the shoot itself. And being able to hold the LO was kind of nice actually. But last night I did the maternity shoot....it about killed me. I went home and started going through the photos and I couldn't stop crying.

I went downstairs to talk to DH about it and he asked why I took the client then...and I know that it's my own fault and he's right. But I just felt like I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. I really need to do these labs and ultrasounds and things with my RE, but they cost so much money, and we have to be current (or at least on a significant payment arrangement) in order to continue our treatment. I have benefits, but not until my $2000 deductible is met, so that's just a lot right now seeing as how one appointment's bill is almost $600. But in order to get that bill caught up quickly, I really felt like these shoots would help.

Ugh. There's really no advice needed I suppose. It really was my own fault to take the clients. I just thought I could handle it and it would help with our large bill at the RE, but it was a mistake. And I just really needed to vent about it to people who could maybe relate a little bit. Thanks for listening ladies. It's nice to just get it out sometimes. I really hope you all are having a wonderful Monday!

theholmanherd · July 2014

I'm sorry you had a hard time with the shoots. (((HUGS))) Hopefully you will be caught up enough to continue with treatment soon!

athlete010688 · July 2014

I'm sorry you had a hard time with the shoots! Hopefully you'll be caught up soon!

catlover790 · July 2014

I'm sorry you had a difficult time with the photo shoot! I can understand how you felt that it would help with the bills that you have. At least now that you did one you know that you aren't able to take on those types of clients at the moment, and you don't have to feel bad for not accepting those jobs anymore. I hope you feel better soon!

Chasity08 · July 2014

Thanks ladies! Our RE is being nice in that as long as we are on a significant payment plan they will continue treatment, and we would have gotten on one regardless, it is just a LOT at once, so it of course makes a large dent in our monthly budget. I just don't want this process to always feel so negative. So I thought "Hey! These 2 shoots take care of half of this bill. That's huge! And then it will be easier to pay off the other half while still making payments on the rest" But I really wasn't thinking ahead. Thanks for letting me vent! It actually helped a lot to just get it off my chest. Now I just have to get through the editing portion of these shoots and then I'm never doing it again....well, not until I'm through this process anyways. It kind of stinks too because I was actually really pleased with the results, and the clients were so sweet so I'd love to enjoy this process...but my brain/heart just will not let me enjoy it right now. Lesson learned!

Chasity08 · July 2014

rainbowbridge14 said:

Sorry you had to deal with that. And for what it is worth it is not your fault, even if you chose to take the clients. It isn't your fault that you are dealing with IF and you shouldn't have to blame yourself for having an emotional reaction. I know when I go to meetings with people who are pregnant or will have babies it hurts, but I am a professional and there are things I have to do. You are a professional too and you did your job despite a lot of personal difficulty and I think you should get huge (((Hugs))) for that.

Thank you. That means a lot. I did try very hard to keep my composure. But I was probably such a creep on those shoots. Hormones are the worst. But that really does make me feel better. Thank you so much.

Chasity08 · July 2014

Lindy&Billy said:

I'm sorry you had a rough time. Sending creepy internet hugs!

Creepy internet hugs are my favorite. Does that make me a creep? Don't even care.

LindseyM2012 · July 2014

I "third" @rainbowbridge14. And I commend you for doing what you felt you needed to do for your family. That is strength!

**Hugs**

BunnyBerry · July 2014

I'm so sorry. It's so unfair what we have to do, and give up, in order to get IF treatments.

For me, it's weekend tutoring that I can't say no to due to the neverending money pit of IF. I end up working 7 days a week (and often tutoring evenings after school) and it is waaaay too much, I get sick and overstressed and pissy and down. But I just can't justify giving up the money if there's the chance to earn it that weekend.

I don't think it's your fault for taking on the business. You did your best. I think it's IF's fault for putting you in this position.

I'm glad that's over now and I hope you get tons of other business!

Sewfie · July 2014

To be honest, I would have done the same thing. It's definitely the practical thing to do. Maybe focusing on how those jobs have helped get you closer to your goal will help relieve some of the blame you feel for being saddened? I don't think you should feel bad because the shoots made you sad, you did what you thought was best. <<<hugs>>>

WishUponAChild · July 2014

As a photog I can relate. I also can relate as someones who's RE bills are starting to stack up.

The best I can do in times like these is convince myself I am getting in practice for when it is my turn.

Chasity08 · July 2014

Thank you so much for all of the responses ladies. It is so helpful to have people who understand. And you are all right. I've had to sit and edit the photos (ugh) and I have just been trying to focus on the work itself and not the type of shoot it was, and just keep reminding myself that I am that much closer to getting caught up on my RE bill. Will I do it again? No, haha. But I did it, it's over, so that's that.

Thanks again for all of the responses though.

And, @wishuponachild - That is one good thing about being a photog, free pictures!

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This is my own fault, I know...(Pregnancy mentioned - not mine)

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