Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
mommybear87
member
Hi...
mommybear87
member
Hello, I'm Katrina, otherwise known as mommybear87. I'm 26 from California and have been married 3 years. This past month my husband and I had an unexpected loss. We Found out we were pregnant Friday, June 13th. We were ecstatic! Thinking I was fairly early along, naturally; we were so full of hope and new goals. Babies are a miracle after all!. Well, June 19th my world was turned upside down and inside out. My husband and I went into our first Prenatal appointment and our Doctor couldn't find a heartbeat, a sac, nothing. all the while my HCg counts were high. So, there was a chance I was just really, really early. I was wisked off to get blood work done and then sent home. My doctor then called me at work an hour later and confirmed I was pregnant and made an appointment for me with radiology for the following day, to have a more thorough ultrasound . As I was laying on the table a loud strong heart beat played through the machine and as I turned my head to look the tech moved the screen, She asked me to close my eyes and allowed me to listen and enjoy the only part of my baby I would ever have. Though she didn't verbally say it I knew. I just knew it my gut what was going on. and It was confirmed as I witnessed her type on the screen. 5 Mins later I was whisked off to my doctors office and told my pregnancy was Ectopic. and I was Almost 10 weeks along by the look of things!He showed me my baby. She looked so little. Like a doll. and she was stuck in a place she shouldn't be. Literal inches from where she should've been. an Interstitial pregnancy or (isthmic tubal pregnancy) as my chart said. I had to have emergency surgery because my doctor didn't know how I was not already bleeding or in pain. My tube was stretched to it limit. ( I had no symptoms of a ectopic pregnancy. Aside from morning sickness I was pain free. Just plain tired all the time.) and They had to remove my right fallopian tube in the process. While my care was exceptional and I was allowed to morn and cry. I am still broken, We are still broken. My husband and I named our baby (at the guidance of the nurses who took care of me) : "Ellie Angel Anzaldua" Because Elephants never forget; and while I'm not an elephant, I am the mommy of an angel and that heart beat and silhouette are something I never want to erase from my memory. I am now a month into recovery and looking for people who understand my pain and truthfuly the guilt I feel. I feel as if I let my baby down. and I cant shake it. Anyway. I'm mommbear87.
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Re: Hi...
BFP #1 3/7/2010 - DD born 11/16/2010
BFP #2 12/20/2012 - CP 12/22/2012
BFP #3 1/10/2013 - Blighted Ovum 2/7/2013
BFP #4 8/22/2013 - D&C 10/22/2013
RPL testing discovered blood clotting issue
BFP #5 3/9/2014 - Discovered baby no longer had a heartbeat at 20 week U/S, Induced Delivery & D&C 6/27/2014
Awaiting Genetic results to determine steps forward
BFP #1 12/02/11, M/C 12/08/11
BFP #2 04/06/12, DD born 12/20/12
BFP #3 06/09/14, M/C 06/15/14