Toddler and up moms come in!

Herefishy87 · July 2014

So DS1 will be turning 3 in a week and for the past couple weeks he has been a disaster! I know Ive had the 3 is worst then 2 convo here, but holy shit if this is how 3 is going to be I may need to drink more!
He's always been a wild child and full of energy 24/7 but now he is starting to back talk, has to have the last word, does something intentionally you just told him not to do (like pouring water on the floor for no reason or kicking ds2) breaking EVERYTHING, screaming and throwing himself on the floor tantrums, ect. I know this is typical toddler behavior but he just woke up one day and was like this!!! Is this how it normally goes? Do they just wake up one morning and act like this?! How do you discipline or handle this kind of behavior at home?
I am so grateful he doesn't behave this way in public or at other people's house yet, so is he just saving the chaos for home and unleashing it all at once?
(Sorry this is long and rambling!)

LC122 · July 2014

Sounds like you have a threenager. People call it the terrible two with intent.
We are not there yet and DD1 is relatively chill anyway, but from what I've read/heard from those who have been through it, your best defense is consistency. Set your rules and boundaries and stick to them. Hard. Don't give multiple chances and act swiftly upon negative behavior.

People tend to feel like distraction works less and less at this age, but I think it just evolves. If you can keep one step ahead of him with things he CAN do instead of responding to things he CAN'T do, it can help. In general, kids understand positive directions ("do this") better than
negative ones ("don't do that").

Book recommendations:
Positive Discipline
The Whole Brain Child
Happiest Toddler on the Block (I have mixed feelings on this one and recommend reading the summaries in the back more than the whole book.)

Good Luck. I hear there is a light at the end of the tunnel around 4.5.

Gatorsgirl731 · July 2014

Well, with the exception of throwing himself on the floor it also sounds like 12. Ha!

Pretty normal. Testing his and your limitations. This is where you're going to have to choose the type of discipline you will be using. I believe there were books mentioned above. I used a lot of distraction and some timeouts.

Herefishy87 · July 2014

LC122 said:
Sounds like you have a threenager. People call it the terrible two with intent.
We are not there yet and DD1 is relatively chill anyway, but from what I've read/heard from those who have been through it, your best defense is consistency. Set your rules and boundaries and stick to them. Hard. Don't give multiple chances and act swiftly upon negative behavior.

People tend to feel like distraction works less and less at this age, but I think it just evolves. If you can keep one step ahead of him with things he CAN do instead of responding to things he CAN'T do, it can help. In general, kids understand positive directions ("do this") better than
negative ones ("don't do that").

Book recommendations:
Positive Discipline
The Whole Brain Child
Happiest Toddler on the Block (I have mixed feelings on this one and recommend reading the summaries in the back more than the whole book.)

Good Luck. I hear there is a light at the end of the tunnel around 4.5.

Ugh threenager sums it up perfectly! Lol! I haven't actually read any books on discipline I'm thinking I probaby should so thanks for the suggestions.
We have always been consistent with his expectation and followed through but he is acting like we've let him run wild with wolves his entire life an we are just now attempting to stop it.
We also have a huge problem with him mimicking bad behavior from a particular friend of his. This child is 2 years older and is a BRAT! I've never seen a kid so obnoxious and disrespectful at times and it's starting to rub off. I feel like we spend the week following them being together reprogramming him. This is defiantly not helping him so we have limited the contact between them even though we love his parents. Parenting toddlers is hard!

Herefishy87 · July 2014

Gatorsgirl731 said:
Well, with the exception of throwing himself on the floor it also sounds like 12. Ha!

Pretty normal. Testing his and your limitations. This is where you're going to have to choose the type of discipline you will be using. I believe there were books mentioned above. I used a lot of distraction and some timeouts.

Funny I just told my H DS1 was acting like a teenage girl!
We haven't actually picked a "type" of discipline but usually turn to the same things when he is being cray cray. Taking something away, like a particular toy or not reading story before bed usually gets him back on track but I can see that not working for much longer. I don't do actual time outs but I send him to his room to cool off if he is loosing his mind and that usually works. I just feel like anything we do he will be sitting on a leather sofa telling a therapist about it in 20 years

pmarie33 · July 2014

It's hard for them to say what they feel, so they dish it out in behavior. Start talking to him about his feelings. "Are you upset? Hurting? Show me what you want. Try to use your words." Etc... You have to be consistant and try to keep him busy. Bored toddlers can be a handful.

LC122 · July 2014

Ooh, @pmarie33‌ makes a good point about the feelings. One thing Happiest Toddler and "How to Talk so Kids Will Listen & Listen so Kids Will Talk" (another one I recommend) both advocate is just reflecting feelings back: "that makes you angry", "you seem upset", "that sounds sad" and so on. Sometimes just identifying the feelings can help diffuse the tantrum. Maybe threenagers, like teenagers, are just misunderstood.

Herefishy87 · July 2014

@crunchymama11‌ Thanks I will hit Costco for the biggest bag I can find! As much as I fear 3 and see the bumps in the road I think I will end up loving it. Everything is a new experience for him and now we can actually have a conversation! It's fun to see the world through a toddlers eyes but OMG it's rough
Edit- the bump is eating my replies

Herefishy87 · July 2014

@pmarie33‌ You're so right when he is board is when stuff happens and the day goes down hill quick. I'll start being more mindful of asking him about his feelings and see if that helps him express his frustration.

@lc122 misunderstood indeed! I just keep telling myself that one day I will miss him being this little and try to take it minute by minute if need be!

Herefishy87 · July 2014

@quartermisses‌ I hope this is just a quick little phase and he returns to his chill happy self again. He is just like your DD and starts to act up and not listen when he is tired, it's usually the only sign he is overtired. He deft needs a nap during the day but sometimes refuses to sleep and will just lay in his bed playing with his stuffed animals for an hour or so.
As for her sitting on your LO, I understand and I'm glad I'm not the only one who has this problem. He actually rolled over on top of LO this morning and then I later caught him dragging him around the living room by his leg. :-t
We take toys away from him too when he acts up but just put them back that night for the next day. I like the earning them back idea! What does she do to earn them back?

catycate · July 2014

Interesting threenager fact- from about 3 1/2- 4 1/2 there is a huge hormone surge in kids similar to the adolescent surge that makes them notoriously moody. My 3 yr old is great...when he's great. When he's awful, it's a sucky day for everyone. My key things are making sure he has time and room to run, consistency in discipline and remembering to praise the good behavior.

Herefishy87 · July 2014

quartermisses said:

Herefishy87 said:

@quartermisses‌ I hope this is just a quick little phase and he returns to his chill happy self again. He is just like your DD and starts to act up and not listen when he is tired, it's usually the only sign he is overtired. He deft needs a nap during the day but sometimes refuses to sleep and will just lay in his bed playing with his stuffed animals for an hour or so.
As for her sitting on your LO, I understand and I'm glad I'm not the only one who has this problem. He actually rolled over on top of LO this morning and then I later caught him dragging him around the living room by his leg. :-t
We take toys away from him too when he acts up but just put them back that night for the next day. I like the earning them back idea! What does she do to earn them back?

Nothing too serious. It's usually something like "you can earn back 2 toys after you clean up the playroom." Or if she does something nice for the baby or helps out without being asked, I will tell her how much I appreciate it and give her one back. I think the longest I have had to keep any of her toys (and I usually only take whatever is the most popular for the day) is about 24 hours.

Great idea I'm gonna deft have to try that!

Herefishy87 · July 2014

catycate said:
Interesting threenager fact- from about 3 1/2- 4 1/2 there is a huge hormone surge in kids similar to the adolescent surge that makes them notoriously moody. My 3 yr old is great...when he's great. When he's awful, it's a sucky day for everyone. My key things are making sure he has time and room to run, consistency in discipline and remembering to praise the good behavior.

Wow I had no idea about the surge of hormones! That explains a lot! That's how my DS is too, he's great and it's all good but when he is having a rough day look out world!

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