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Possible day care change -need help

cwallin500cwallin500 member
in Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
I apologize for the long post but I need help.    My DS is currently 20 months and up until recently we really liked his daycare.   He moved rooms a little over 2 months ago and still cries/clings to us when he is dropped off.   At first I thought it was separation anxiety since it seemed to get better after a couple of weeks, but he has regressed.   My husband and I have personally witnessed another child on several occasions push my son, poke at him and all around get up in his face and scream with the teachers doing absolutely nothing about it.   My concern is if it happens in the 5 minutes I am dropping him off, how much does it happen throughout the day ?   I have hesitated saying anything because I do realize that every child is different and my son will need to learn to be around all types of individuals but I feel like the teachers should at least try to correct some of the child's behavior, but I feel as though they don't with this particular child because his mother is the owner of the daycare.  So my questions are - has anyone changed daycares because of an issue with one and how did the change affect your little one.   Also, I really like the Montessori Method and am considering a couple in my area.   Does anyone use a Montessori school and what are your thoughts on how well your child does there ?   Again - any feedback is appreciated !
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Re: Possible day care change -need help

  • steelerbaby29steelerbaby29 member
    If I watched a child behave like that and the teachers didn't do anything, I wouldn't have my child stay there. Pushing, poking, yelling that is a little much for me and since its the owners child that is why they get away with it, even more reason to un-enroll. If you really like the daycare you could try to talk to the owner but she could get defensive and then it could be awkward. I personally would be touring other places asap. It may be a hard adjustment for your LO, but in the end it will be better. Yes your LO will be around different types of people, but it sounds almost like a bullying situation and you said yourself your son is having a hard time at drop off lately. Seems like its starting to affect him and a change might be the best.
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  • =Lee=B=Lee=B member

    That really sucks.  I've worked in daycares and with difficult children, and it is tough.  If 'that' child is your bosses child then it would be really tough...depending on the boss (how they view their child etc.).  If you have seen this on numerous occasions then sadly it may not improve and I would have no problem finding a better daycare.  Just keep in mind the next daycare may have a similar child, though hopefully it wouldn't be the bosses child.  So just make sure you are looking at the bigger picture.  If everything about this daycare is perfect expect this one child then maybe it is worth trying to work it out.  If there are other issues or you feel you can get a better daycare elsewhere then it's worth a try.  In the meantime when this child is in your child's space or harming them speak up...loud enough for the teachers to hear hopefully it will nudge them into correcting the behavior themselves...even if it's only while you are in the room.  It will make it clear to the adults (and children) that you are seeing inappropriate behavior. 

    Hope it all works out for you and your little guy!

     

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  • mb314mb314 member
    I would see your son's behavior at drop off as a red flag.  My DS has terrible stranger danger/separation anxiety, but because he loves his daycare we rarely have an issue.  We recently went on vacation, and for the first two days we were back, he cried at drop off, and on the third day, he hesitated.  But after a full week of being back in the routine, he is back to just running to the daycare provider when I drop him off.   So long story, I think most kids who have stranger danger get over it when they are in a familiar routine and at a place they like. I would take your son's behavior as a sign that he's not happy there. 

    Have you spoken to the daycare director?  I would say a first step is to speak to her about your son's seemingly unusual behavior at drop off and to see if there's something that has happened or is happening during the day that could be causing the issue.  It could be the director's child's behavoir, or it could be something else (another kid that is also picking on him, etc).

    In the end, if it were me, I would look into other facilities.  I don't have any first hand experience with Montessori, but I know people love it.  Actually, I did go to a Montessori preschool and kindergarten myself, and I turned out totally awesome, so it must be a great program :) 
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  • cwallin500cwallin500 member
    Thanks for the feedback ladies.  I will say that I don't believe the other child is in any way malicious, he's just a toddler - I feel like he possibly has some developmental or behavioral issues that might need some help.   He just hasn't learned that screaming and poking someone when they first walk in is not socially acceptable.   The problem I see is that no one is trying to redirect or correct the behavior.  I think I'm just overall uneasy, call it mother's intuition, that he hasn't warmed up to the classroom yet.   I have scheduled a couple of visits at some Montessori schools since I do believe my son would prosper in that atmosphere, I mean he learned months ago how to operate our Keurig machine (with supervision of course LOL).   He just loves to help around the house. 
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