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S/O wedding/shower etiquette.....

raraavis28raraavis28 member
in Stay at Home Moms
Just got back from SIL's bridal shower. While it was not a BYO watermelon event (though they did pass out envelopes so we could pre-address our thank-yous....all the ILs do this and it makes me cringe a little every time....) they did so something I hadn't seen before at a shower. Instead of the bride-to-be opening her presents, she had the bridesmaids unwrap them and then pass them down to her unwrapped, so she would read the card and then just announce what the gift was and pass it to her other bridesmaids, assembly-line style. WDSAHMT? My first thought was "tacky".....actually, that's still my thought (and it provided for kind of an awkward mix-up when some of the gifts were piled together....I almost got to take credit for a cake-server I hadn't gotten them....) but on the other hand, it sure did speed along the present-opening part of the shower. Maybe this method could be adopted for kids' parties as a compromise between opening and not opening presents..... ;))

But yeah.....WDYT???
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Re: S/O wedding/shower etiquette.....

  • JeffandLeslieJeffandLeslie member
    A girl I know had to do this against her wishes at her shower because her MIL planned it. The reason her MIL gave was that the venue was a Jewish Community Center and apparently that was some sort of tradition? Sounded weird to me but all that to say I have heard of it. My friend hated it.
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  • littlemermaidlittlemermaid member
    A lot of showers I attend are like that.  The showers are so huge, 50+ women, that it would just take too long if the bride had to open up each and every gift herself.
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  • rosesandpetalsrosesandpetals member
    Tacky. Unless it is some sort of religious/cultural tradition.
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  • lavendergiraffeslavendergiraffes member
    It's better than the 'don't bother wrapping/present display' showers which I've heard of. I think those are uber tacky. At least she announced what everyone got her.
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  • raraavis28raraavis28 member
    To be fair, it was a big shower (and there was spiked punch, heheh). The present-opening part definitely had a "Let's get this over with" vibe, so maybe that's what rubbed me the wrong way.....*shrug*
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  • bumpuser8448316bumpuser8448316 member
    Never seen it, don't care how people open their gifts. What the hell is BYO watermelon? How much watermelon do you need at a shower?

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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member

    I'm in the "tacky" vote club... Honestly, to me it sounds like Nosey Nellie bridesmaids who want to know what the bride got and "all about them" instead.

     I get the "HUGE" showers, but really, I'd rather have a no gift opening engagement party/shower and let the bride do this at her own pace than the public gift openings, or set a time limit so guests aren't bored to tears for 4 hours. Then again - my family is HUGE, so letting the bride/couple open things at their own pace makes things so much easier for them too (whomever was doing the recording for our wedding did such a wonderful job that writing thank you notes was a NIGHTMARE - "Bowl" tells me NOTHING to remind me... or "knives" - when we got 72 steak knives it'd been helpful to know which ones - the $20 set from Fleet Farm or the $150 Wustoff set to be more specific!)...

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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    cjcouple said:
    Well, I think it is fine tbh.

    I had something similar.  One of my BM's slit open card envelopes and another cut ribbons off. I opened the actual gift (My niece and FG grabbed wrapping paper for trash) and announced who from and thanked them before handing to my MOH who taped card to gift and 2 more arranged on a table nicely so everyone could go over afterwards and browse what I received.

    Also similar with my baby shower, I was so uncomfortable (baby was sitting in a bad spot that day) that after a couple gifts, I even quit opening them. I had my niece help and just read cards, etc.
    It didn't take hours to open gifts that way. Maybe I was tacky too but something like that wouldn't make me even think twice about it.      

    IMO - I don't find that level/kind of help tacky at all - it's the magical "line in the sand"..  You're the first person other than the gift-giver to really see what they got you and do the physical opening up and appeasing the kids who want to be the stars.  As for the baby shower - that's a different animal when one has a hard time even sitting down and anyone who has had kids understands...
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  • spring_timespring_time member
    If the BM were opening the gifts, how do all the old ladies know how many kids the bride will have? Anybody else deal with that annoying superstition with the ribbons?

    I have never seen the BM open the gifts, but I have seen an assembly line where someone grabs the gifts, someone opens the card (keeping it with the gift), and someone pops off some of the tape.  The actual reveal is done by the bride, though. 

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  • DochasDochas member
    Anything that cuts down on or eliminates the time I have to spend watching someone open gifts is fine with me.  They can call it cultural or religious if they want, just thank you for not making me sit through it.  I went to a shower where everything was requested to be wrapped in clear cellophane or unwrapped.  It's perfect because the old biddies can peruse the gifts and we're spared the agony of the opening.
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  • raraavis28raraavis28 member

    diapersnwipes said:
    You know what I hate? When the bride opens gifts and tells a story about how she knows the person that gave the gift. Or worse, when you gave to tell a story about the bride. Quit taking and start opening gifts dang it and pass me a drink while you are at it :)
    See, at my showers I took the few moments while unwrapping the gifts to say a word or two about the person who had given it (not a whole story, just a "So-and-so is my friend from work, so-and-so came all the way from Canada to be here!" etc.) People told me afterwards that they liked that.....call me old-fashioned, but it was important to me to take a few extra seconds to ooh and aah and make the people feel special who had taken the time (and spent the $$) to be there for me.

    With anything, I think the spirit in which something is done makes a huge difference. Like, if you can figure out how to streamline a present-opening process, nothing wrong w/ that in and of itself, but if it really comes off as "I don't want to deal with this" it's gonna cross into "tacky/less than gracious" territory.....

    And, @spring_time.....I thought of that too! Now that you mention it, maybe she did it on purpose, after watching me break ribbons right and left and end up w/ twins by my first anniversary :P
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  • raraavis28raraavis28 member
    QueSyrah said:
    Never seen it, don't care how people open their gifts. What the hell is BYO watermelon? How much watermelon do you need at a shower?
    LOL!! This refers to this thread: https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12395625/get-ready-to-sh-t-yourselves#latest

    Though I think now I'm going to start hosting BYOW parties.....
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  • Disneygeek77Disneygeek77 member
    I don't know, I can see both sides.  I also know there are people that put thought and effort in how they present or wrap the gift, but on the other hand, if it is a large shower, speeding up the process a bit can be appreciated.

    I suppose I would do it for something easy like gift bags or cellophane, but if I see that someone put an extra effort into wrapping the gift nicely, I might have the MTB unwrap it herself. 

    But then again. who determines what is wrapped nicely and what isn't ?
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