Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Asallade
member
Coming back
Asallade
member
Hi ladies, I think I'm finally ready to join you again. I had my second miscarriage last week.
A little background: I started on the Sept. 14 board in January, and in early March had a MMC at almost 12 weeks. The baby had only made it to around 8. I had a D&C because my body was showing no signs of recognizing the loss. We were benched for two full cycles, and finally able to start trying again in June. We got our BFP on June 29th, and I started spotting over the 4th of July weekend - at 6 weeks. I miscarried naturally this time. I had just gotten brave enough to post an intro on PgAL, never did join the Feb15 board.
I'm still not sure how I'm doing. As the spotting got heavier, I struggled to maintain hope, but to be honest, I'd been panicked and braced for the worst since the BFP. The first miscarriage happened so quickly - I had the D&C the same day we found out about the loss - but this time I had several days of bleeding before blood tests confirmed the loss. I was in this terrible limbo-land, not wanting to lose hope, but not sure I had any to hold onto.
A week later, I'm just angry. Angry at my body for not being able to do it's job. Angry at people who don't realize what I'm going through and go on with life as usual (yes, I know they don't know because I haven't told them!). Angry that when one of the few people who know the truth ask how I'm doing, I completely fall apart - doesn't matter where we are. Angry at myself because I know I'm being completely irrational, but I just can't do a thing about it.
Thanks for bearing with me - I'm not thinking clearly, so I'm sure I'm not writing clearly either. I'm glad this board is here for us, but I'm sorry any of us have to be here.
A little background: I started on the Sept. 14 board in January, and in early March had a MMC at almost 12 weeks. The baby had only made it to around 8. I had a D&C because my body was showing no signs of recognizing the loss. We were benched for two full cycles, and finally able to start trying again in June. We got our BFP on June 29th, and I started spotting over the 4th of July weekend - at 6 weeks. I miscarried naturally this time. I had just gotten brave enough to post an intro on PgAL, never did join the Feb15 board.
I'm still not sure how I'm doing. As the spotting got heavier, I struggled to maintain hope, but to be honest, I'd been panicked and braced for the worst since the BFP. The first miscarriage happened so quickly - I had the D&C the same day we found out about the loss - but this time I had several days of bleeding before blood tests confirmed the loss. I was in this terrible limbo-land, not wanting to lose hope, but not sure I had any to hold onto.
A week later, I'm just angry. Angry at my body for not being able to do it's job. Angry at people who don't realize what I'm going through and go on with life as usual (yes, I know they don't know because I haven't told them!). Angry that when one of the few people who know the truth ask how I'm doing, I completely fall apart - doesn't matter where we are. Angry at myself because I know I'm being completely irrational, but I just can't do a thing about it.
Thanks for bearing with me - I'm not thinking clearly, so I'm sure I'm not writing clearly either. I'm glad this board is here for us, but I'm sorry any of us have to be here.
TTC since 8/13
BFP #1 - 1/15/14 MMC/D&C 3/6/14
BFP #2 - 6/29/14 - on our first wedding anniversary! NMC 7/8/14
BFP #3 - 2/11/15 - Also found out I have MTHFR deficiency - taking Foltx for more folic acid!
BFP #1 - 1/15/14 MMC/D&C 3/6/14
BFP #2 - 6/29/14 - on our first wedding anniversary! NMC 7/8/14
BFP #3 - 2/11/15 - Also found out I have MTHFR deficiency - taking Foltx for more folic acid!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Coming back
Ticker warning.
I'm so sorry for your loss and everything you are going through. Hugs!
BFP #1: 05/2012 DS born 12/30/12
BFP #2: 02/2014 Natural M/C 03/2014 @ 7 weeks
BFP #3: 06/2014 EDD: 02/17/2015 M/C @ 7w2d, D&E 7/15/14
I understand completely about the anger- that's what I've been struggling with the most this loss. I am also so very sorry for your loss. After what you've been through, it's ok to be angry, so allow yourself to be...it may not be the most productive emotion, but it's completely justified.
BFP #1 12/02/11, M/C 12/08/11
BFP #2 04/06/12, DD born 12/20/12
BFP #3 06/09/14, M/C 06/15/14
BFP #1 - 1/15/14 MMC/D&C 3/6/14
BFP #2 - 6/29/14 - on our first wedding anniversary! NMC 7/8/14
BFP #3 - 2/11/15 - Also found out I have MTHFR deficiency - taking Foltx for more folic acid!