feeling awful

tigerlynx31413 · July 2014

So this was the week we were going to tell our mothers about the pregnancy. So I've had a couple rough nights thinking about it while DH has been at work. We're packing for vacation so I've been distracted enough. DH asked me if something was wrong and I deflected and he eventually got it out of me what was wrong. 1. He was mad that I felt I needed to hide something from him 2. He doesn't know why I think I can't come to him with things like this since I wasn't the only one who lost something. I feel so awful because I shouldn't have hidden how I was feeling especially since he is right and I'm not the only one who lost something. Sorry for the vent...I just needed to get it out.

Asallade · July 2014

Vent away!

Sounds like your husband is a great guy! I totally understand where you're coming from though. I frequently hold back just how sad/upset I am about something from my husband too. Of course, when I do tell him, MH mostly responds by trying to cheer me up, or worrying about why I'm still thinking about it so much. So then I feel worse because not only am I still upset, but now I know he's worrying about me on top of it! Just can't win, huh?

Oh, and at least in my own experience, I'd say your husband is half right - yes, you both experienced the loss, but in general men seem to handle it better or recover faster. They have the sadness of the loss, but they don't have the physical issues we do. Women generally tend to bond much more with the baby as they're the one carrying it, which also magnifies the reaction to the loss.

tigerlynx31413 · July 2014

You took the words right out of my mouth! I hate when he feels he needs to worry about me. That's why I hide it at times. Thanks for letting me vent!

mrsjg2013 · July 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss and that you're struggling with facing this weekend. Now that you and your DH have had this conversation, it will make it easier for you to share your feelings with him in the future. Don't be hard on yourself- there's no right/wrong way to grieve and we just deal with it (or sometimes don't) in the best way we know how at the time.

feeling awful

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