Baptism money

Babybeachbum · July 2014

Good morning,
We had LO's baptism yesterday and received a lot of money in cards for LO. I want to put it in an account that I started for LO with money he received when he was born. My SO wants to use the money from his side of the family for bills and his credit card. I feel like this is LO's money and shouldn't be spent by us. Especially since his credit card debt is from going out to dinner, putting gas in his boat and boat repairs, and buying a lawn mower and other things from Home Depot. He said he just bought our house and needs it for things around here.
What do you think? I feel like it was gifted to the baby not us and it's not ours to spend.
Either way I'm putting all of the money from my family in his
account.

angelsnight · July 2014

Definitely put it in LOs account, it's his money. I guess it would be different if you guys were really struggling to put food on the table, but I'd be really pissed if I gave a child money for a gift and found out the parents spent it on themselves for things they didn't NEED.

vacsx2 · July 2014

Baby's account for sure. They were gifts to your child, not to him. The checks we received were even written out to our LO.

Great pic! Congrats on his baptism.

kaking78 · July 2014

I agree with PPs. It should be used on or saved for LO.

linzerd · July 2014

I guess I'm the only one who would spend it. I think paying off debt is more important than some money sitting in an account for years when you aren't too sure what it is going to. If I put it in an account, I would probably end up using it to buy xmas or bday presents for my kid, so they would be getting it anyway!

kstar83 · July 2014

Nope account. Maybe a college account or a savings account where it can grow and not be touched. Think forward to starting your child off on the right foot, especially while college costs rise and finding a job after college gets harder.

Babybeachbum · July 2014

addisonsmom22 said:
I would also keep a really close eye on that account. Not to say your SO would do anything but I wouldn't want the money to be taken out without me knowing either.

LO's account is in his and my name only. I opened it with money I received from my family when he was born. My SO used the money from his family to pay the mortgage. He said he'll pay for college when the time comes and he's in a better place financially.

Babybeachbum · July 2014

Monster1984 said:
I agree with PPs. Sorry this is even an issue you have to deal with.

Your baby is super adorable

Thank you!

Babybeachbum · July 2014

linzerd said:
I guess I'm the only one who would spend it. I think paying off debt is more important than some money sitting in an account for years when you aren't too sure what it is going to. If I put it in an account, I would probably end up using it to buy xmas or bday presents for my kid, so they would be getting it anyway!

I understand your stance, it's the same as his. However, when he charges gas to fill up his fishing boat it rubs me the wrong way that LO's money is paying off his credit card. I guess it all comes around full circle bc he's paying the mortgage for LO to have a house. And he needed a lawn mover and hedge trimmer to maintain the property which he put on his credit card. I'm just upset bc the money was gifted for a purpose and that's not how it was intended by the giver to be spent.

DTNZ4Ever · July 2014

We started DS' college account and put some in his savings account. We use DS1 savings account for activities now like Tball, soccer, swim lessons etc. the rest goes to his college fund.

matthewmegan · July 2014

It should be used as the giver intended. I'm fairly certian they didn't intend for it to be used to fill a boat with gas.

kstar83 · July 2014

saving is never easy. You can always find ways to reason spending money now. But you will be SO THANKFUL later! And yes, he is spending money on a mortgage, and has less money for his boat. But he is a parent too... this is kind of part of the package.... boats are really expensive, don't retain value and cost a ton for upkeep. Those costs will not go down.

The bit about paying for college when in a better position? You get in a better position by saving. Your salary will likely go up and down. You may take a new job with better benefits but less salary. Commission might not be as good one year, god forbid you get laid off like a lot of people have been on this board. Saving is so easy to put off. But you can't go back and save money. You can always chose to spend what you have saved down the road.

kimberpoo · July 2014

I agree 100% with PP's - put that money in LO's account! That is absolutely LO's money, not his, regardless of what he wants to spend it on!

We have all the $ from our shower, gifts, etc. set aside for LO to use. It's for LO and LO alone.

Babybeachbum · July 2014

All of the money from my family will go into the account that I started for LO and is in his name and mine. SO has used all of the money he received from his family so far on bills and will prob continue to do that until LO is old enough to realize that it's his money. It bothers me a lot. I'm so glad we aren't married and don't plan on ever getting married to each other!! I wish LO would just get gift cards from his family in the future...

katka512 · July 2014

I also agree that the money should go into LO's account.
And your SO's thought that he'll be in a better position later to pay for college? You never know what's going to happen in the future - that's why saving money is so important.
Does SO's family know their gifts are going toward bills, etc?

ghostof5letters · July 2014

So your husband basically just stole from your child, and you're completely ok with it.

Khope87 · July 2014

Personally I think it's worth setting up an account in your babies name. Put the money you have in it then next time you sort the cards out and put the money straight in yourself before it's even a discussion.

snysilver · July 2014

Lurking, but wanted to put in my 2 cents. My DH grew up with a mother that "collected" all his gift money for his "savings account", from his many aunts & uncles' bday cards, xmas cards, first communion, etc. When he graduated high school and got into college he asked his mother for the money from his savings to help pay his bills. I'm sorry to say, there never was an account, she kept all his money for herself.
I'm sure she could justify her choice by saying she was paying household bills with it or whatever, but DH was mighty disappoined to learn his money was never actually his own. Their relationship is very damaged (not just from this, but she has other issues as well), but I really suggest you point out to your SO that this is not a great attitude to take about your LO's gift money. The givers intend for that money to go to the child.
It makes me so sad to think of my DH as a young man, learning how his mother deceived him for years. I hope your SO doesn't begin a similar pattern.

myfriendscallmemeg · July 2014

The only bills I would be "okay" paying with baby gift money would be hospital bills. And like other PP's have said, only in dire circumstances.

Unknown · July 2014

This content has been removed.

nlane0723 · July 2014

I agree with PP, that money should go in LO's bank account/college fund. I can't even imagine what college will cost when our children are 18 and by setting up an account now, you are helping LO immensly.

If I knew funds intended for my nephew were going to pay for gas in his father's boat, I would be pissed.

notkateanymore · July 2014

Maybe he just wants to use the money to buy the baby a special M14 onesie.

Babybeachbum · July 2014

bsouls said:
I think it's acceptable to use the money on stuff for the baby - like, pump parts, formula, diapers, clothes, toys etc. But, I doubt people gave the money thinking that the parents would use it on themselves.

Sell the boat if you can't afford it. Your significant other sounds immature. I'd also consider removing him from the bank account, because if things go sour with the relationship then he could deplete the account.

Another option - create an account for yourself and baby in order to have family be able to give savings bonds (you live in the US right?). Then you can provide the family the information so that they can give bonds if they want. I emailed my family the info, because giving bonds is a lot more complicated now but it's still a good gift.

https://www.treasurydirect.gov/tdhome.htm

https://www.treasurydirect.gov/instit/savbond/otc/HowtobuygiftsavingsbondsinTreasuryDirecttipsheet.pdf

Thank you for the bond info!! My SO isn't named on LO's account. It's just me and LO.

ColeyCannoli · July 2014

I'm lurking but this thread really bothers me.

My mother was a lot like your SO. She used every dime she could get off of me - even stuff I saved as a child in my piggy bank - because she was terrible with money (still is) and always needed something "just this one time."

I just want you to understand that when your SO says stuff like "when I'm in a better place, I'll do X" it is a LIE - there will never be a better place or a better day. My siblings and I heard that line over and over and over. But no matter how good the economy or how good the job, there is always another crisis. Always another illness. Always something else broken. Always another thing that needs to be paid off right now. Do your baby a huge, wonderful favor and save for him even if his father won't. My parents saved nothing for me even though they were never that bad off. I made it out of school and into the workforce okay, but I am drowning in student loan debt and I can't invest or move forward the way I would like for my own family.

You don't have to be rich to start saving. Anything you can put away is great! And your baby will love you for it down the line because it shows just how much more important his future was to your present. Don't let your SO steal from your baby. Let people know to write checks in his name or to give you something like a savings bond instead of cash. Good luck!

linzerd · July 2014

MrsMuq said:

linzerd said:

I guess I'm the only one who would spend it. I think paying off debt is more important than some money sitting in an account for years when you aren't too sure what it is going to. If I put it in an account, I would probably end up using it to buy xmas or bday presents for my kid, so they would be getting it anyway!

So.... you would take money gifted to your child and use it to pay off debt YOU accumulated instead of investing the money in a savings account or a CD or a college fund so your kid has some money to pay for school down the road? Klassy.

Not a significant amount, I don't think. I guess I'm changing my answer now. If someone did give like a huge amount right now I'd save it for her. But if I had a huge amount if debt, I really don't know what if do. I'm only specifically talking money that someone would give her right now when she is a baby, to which there is no reason for anyone to give her any money right now. When she is older and someone gives her money in her bday cards and such, I wouldn't take that. I don't think my parents ever had an account for me. They paid for my college and my wedding, but there was no account that they were just like "here you go, do with it what you please". When I was old enough I had my own savings account, which is what I will do for lo. Whatever money is given to her when she can understand what money is, is hers. Anything before that (like now, unless we are talking $500, which isn't going to happen) I would use. Most likely I would use it for her anyway.

babylimas · July 2014

People don't give cash here so I don't think I have received anything for Will. My online friends did a collection for us while he was having surgery and I definitely spent that. I was going to use it for medical bills but then Obama paid for it so I bought things that benefitted him. I also pocket the random $20 my ILs send him. It goes to my wine fund.

My daughter gets hers bc she would notice my theft.

linzerd · July 2014

Eh, to each his own. I honestly couldn't say until I am in that situation. One person did give $50 and a piggie bank for our shower and I spent that money on baby stuff prior to her arrival.

clo1982 · July 2014

If it was a matter of putting food on the table or paying bills I would say ok. But it's not your child's job to fund your husband's luxuries. He's also living in the house so I can't get on board with the coming full circle reference. It's a parent's job to provide for their baby; it's not the baby's job to provide for the parents. If credit card debt is an issue sell the damn boat. Use the funds to pay down necessary debt. Double win...no more gas cost and reduced debt.

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