What's Your Maximum Maternal Age?

Panaceia · July 2014

I saw this topic while lurking on another board and wondered what J14 thinks.

What is the maximum age you would consider having a child at and what is your reasoning?

ETA clarify title

Roses87 · July 2014

I think its nbd before 40. I think some physicians make a huge deal about it and makes the pt feel bad (like a 35 yr old) I still think its shouldn't be a big deal after 40. But I do think more testing should be offered since you do have increased chances for trisomys.

I do get 35 yr olds labels as AMA (advance maternal age) I think its pretty crappy some ppl don't get married till later or go through doctoral programs and wait till they are established. I think it makes people feel bad when they are labeled that (I have had pts comment before) I would have kids after this point. I do plan to be done though because I want my kids closer in age. I have seen plenty of ppl have normal baby's after 35 even 40. I have also seen teenagers have a baby with a trisomy. So you always have that chance no matter the age.

moosebaby2011 · July 2014

I'm not sure. I'd probably still consider it up until I hit the 40 mark. I don't think I'd have the energy to be pregnant in my 40's! This is especially true because I already have 2 rather energetic little boys who will be 7 and 5 years old when I turn 40.

somewierd_person · July 2014

Personal preference I told H whatever we have when I'm 34 is it. No real reasoning it's arbitrary, I just wanted to get the infant stage over with while I'm younger. I still have 4.5 years to go until then and I have even thought about adoption after that age if it's the right thing for us.
As far as others go, I've known women who have had pregnancies close to 40 and I think it's nbd. I think over 45 I personally would weigh the health risks and energy requirements before trying. I also have lots of friends in their forties and some are perfectly happy with no kids. Maybe this is judgemental but I think if you reach your thirties you should form an idea of whether you're going to try at some point for kids or not regardless of the age you actually try at. Not that you have to tell people or anything just figure it out for yourself.

precious72381 · July 2014

I'll be 33 Wednesday and hoping for one more. I started trying at 29 (married a month before turning 28). And finally had my baby by 32. So I hope to have the next one by 35. I wouldn't mind an "oops" before 40 but think that would be my max age. I do worry about being older and higher risk but I think if a woman wants to have a baby and physically is healthy enough to do so, go for it. I work with someone that thought she was in the beginning stages of menopause. She was about 45, periods stopped, hot flashes began and went to her doc and to find out she was actually pregnant. That is crazy to me!!! But she says it was the best surprise. He is in middle school now.

peanutmuse · July 2014

I fucking hate this topic. Age is so subjective.

To clarify, the number itself is obviously not subjective. But how it affects people, how people feel about it, what it means to us -- all of that stuff is subjective. My friend is 10 months older than me -- so basically the same age -- yet I have been told on numerous occasions that people would sooner believe that she was 10 years older than me.

Lena122 · July 2014

Around 33. I'm 28 and have 2 kids now. If we have a third (big IF) I just don't want him/her to be so much younger than the other 2.

RedSaffron · July 2014

I can't give a specific number, but I would like to stop in between 30-35. DD has shown me how physically challenging it is and I don't want to go through the whole baby stage later again.

amt0312 · July 2014

It's not so much my age I'm worried about, but rather DH's age as he is 9 years older than me. I am 29, he's 38 and we both don't want to have kids past him being about 42 or 43. His sister's husband basically fell apart and is having a lot of trouble dealing with having young kids being an older dad and I don't want that happening to DH. I do understand that everyone is different and can handle different things, but I see some of the same traits in DH that SIL's husband has and it worries me sometimes.

runnergrl6675 · July 2014

37. That's the age I was when I gave birth to my daughter. I'm exhausted.

NenaMarie84 · July 2014

I'd say around 35. Mostly because then my H will be 41 and he doesn't want to be any older when he has LOs to keep up with.

Panaceia · July 2014

When I was younger I wanted to be done having kids by 30.Then in my 20s I wasn't sure I even wanted kids - I was way too selfish for children at the time.

It wasn't until I was 32 that I knew without any doubt that I wanted children. I never really thought about maximum age for me as almost my entire family (including my parents' generation) had their kids in their 30s and 40s without any issues. My one cousin's aunt had a baby at 60 (did not conceive naturally and ftr this is way too old IMO..). So this is obviously a matter of personal choice.

I turned 35 one month after LO was born. If I wanted more kids and if (similar to @amt0312‌ ) SO was not 12 years older than me I would not have had any issue trying into my early 40s. But we are both happy with one so I guess 34 ended up being my max.

JennaRaek · July 2014

I would like to be done around 30. No real reason other than I just want to be done by then and I don't know how much more my body can take. I'll be 28 when this LO is born. If we have one more.. it won't be for a few years so I guess we'll see!

ac1259 · July 2014

Honestly, I'd say 30-32 at the latest. I found my guy early, had my babies at 24 and 25 and don't really want to have any huge age gaps between kids. We're 97% positive that we're done currently but if we were to leave the option open for a 3rd we'd probably want it to be before I was 30. Also we'd really like to have some fairly "young" time to have kids out of the house and travel ourselves when we're older.

km_md · July 2014

We aren't sure if we are going to have more but if we do it will just be one more and we will start trying around the time DD is 2. So I am thinking either way we will be done by 30 or a little after, depending on how quickly we conceive again. I wouldn't want to go much later than that but that is just how I feel about my own personal situation.

peanutmuse · July 2014

Arya808 said:

peanutmuse said:

I fucking hate this topic. Age is so subjective.

To clarify, the number itself is obviously not subjective. But how it affects people, how people feel about it, what it means to us -- all of that stuff is subjective. My friend is 10 months older than me -- so basically the same age -- yet I have been told on numerous occasions that people would sooner believe that she was 10 years older than me.

@peanutmuse If OP was asking for advice or if the title was "At what age should women stop having kids?" - Yes, I would agree with you. But pp's are just sharing their thoughts on the subject based on what feels right to them. I don't see the big deal is.

@Arya808, I know exactly what she was doing. I didn't say, "you're an asshole for starting this thread." Because that's not what I meant and that's not how I feel. I said "I fucking hate this topic." Because I do.

Babychuu · July 2014

I'm not sure DH and I are going to ever going to try for more, but if we do it has to be before HE is too old. I'm only 23 so I have quite a few fertile years ahead of me. DH, however, is already 37. Maybe if I don't want more children in the next 5 years we will just call it quits.

sugarland726 · July 2014

I had DD two weeks before I turned 26. DS was born was I was 29. So given those start ages, I can't imagine still having kids 5+ years from now. I just don't wish to be in my childbearing years for over a decade. DH said that if we had a third he'd want them closer together for the same reasons (he doesn't want to be having kids for an extended period of time). Given that I don't really want kids closer together in age than mine currently are, we're probably done.

PreDempsey · July 2014

My "max" will be pretty young but only because I want two children, not because I don't think I can later on in life.

Shannahbee · July 2014

Personally I wouldn't attempt to have kids after 40, because I want my kids to be out of my house and independent by the time I retire.
However, I feel lucky to have met & married my husband early enough that we will likely be done before 35.

peanutmuse · July 2014

tarajeannette said:

I don't know. I told myself in my 20s that I wanted to be done at 35. Because my mom was young and I liked having a young mom. Well, I didn't have one until I was 35 so I'm not going to make any more rules for myself. I may never have another. Or I might. I might get pregnant in 6 months or 6 years or never. What I do know for certain is that right now is not the right time.

@tarajeannette -- best laid plans, right? I never thought that I would have my first at 36. Or that it would take me so long to get pregnant and that I would have two losses. That's part of the reason why I hate this topic. It's not just about the age itself. We have so little control over our lives. And we never know what circumstances might present themselves to us. My husband certainly didn't think his father would be killed in a car accident because a diabetic man forgot to take his meds and went into shock while driving. That put a strain on our relationship in addition to altering his readiness and willingness to have children. There's no way we saw that one coming or knew the effect it would have.

bee1916 · July 2014

Right now, DH and I are content to just give DS our attention. We may try for a second down the road, we may not. The past few years have been so unpredictable with the loss of our first baby, my dad's diagnosis, my dad's death, helping my mom cope, selling our family farm, helping my brother through a divorce, etc. etc. etc. that we just want to enjoy the present and not stress about the uncontrollable or the "what ifs". We want to focus on our marriage, our time with DS (which is flying by) and ourselves because a lot of that got put on the back burner. Neither of us feel any pressure to have another baby anytime soon and any questions that we get regarding another baby are met with a, "We'll see" because that's honestly how we feel about it.

xanadu94 · July 2014

I had DD when I was 31. We may try for one more and ideally I would like it to be before I am 35. Depending on my mindset and how I feel, that may change.

goldenB · July 2014

I would like to be done by 36-38
I'm 28 now but already I feel like the post partum recovery has been difficult on me physically. I feel like my body is falling apart

So goal is to have another baby by 2016 and then the evaluate where we are at then (but ultimately we would like 3-5children) we are open to having a bigger family but not at the expense of my health

SandFHasse · July 2014

I'm 24 and the shop is closed, but we didn't base it on age. I just really don't think I could handle another pregnancy. If we decide we want more kids later on then I would be more then happy to adopt.

sabriel1 · July 2014

At this point we would like to have 4 more (we'll see how we do as time goes on

) and I'd like to be done by 36. I'm 26 now so we'll see if that gives me enough time, if not I might go for 37 but no older only because for me personally the risks of the trisomys is too great

Summer889 · July 2014

I really don't have a cut off age. My mom had a oops baby at 45, so I won't rule anything out.

painttheair14 · July 2014

My husband did not like having an older dad, so that is our main reason to be done before a certain age.

shortstuff15 · July 2014

35 purely because my body hates pregnancy. I only have one more in me I think. I am awful while pregnant and I don't see that getting any better with age.

But I very much understand where peanut is coming from. It is a sensitive issue in so many ways.

TheGreatBeyond · July 2014

I would have said 35 but I just had DD a few months before I turned 34. We may be one and done or we may have another. If we do have a second baby we will try for when I will be 36 or 37 but I probably wouldn't want to try after 40. I agree that life definitely doesn't go the way you plan.

peanutmuse · July 2014

holly1416 said:

*snip* 37 but no older only because for me personally the risks of the trisomys is too great

Ugh. And..... another reason why I hate this topic. No good ever comes of it. We'd never start a topic that says "how much is the most that you would weigh and get pregnant?" But there are risks associated with that too. Gestational diabetes, hypertension, etc. There is just too much emphasis put on age, IMO.

growingmybun · July 2014

Where's the "what's your minimum maternal age?" post <--- coming from the super old mom who had a fabulous time and built her career in her 20's.

Panaceia · July 2014

Whether easy or difficult, everyone has traveled their own paths to get them to where they are today. I wanted to hear people's answers to this question as well as their reasoning now that each of us has seen what it has taken to get to this point. I was curious to hear people's personal choices and opinions so thank you all for the responses!

What's Your Maximum Maternal Age?

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