How do you get along with your MIL?

gypsymystic · July 2014

I have noticed a lot of threads about MILs so I thought I would ask... how do you and your MIL get along? :-?

Depends on the day, but my MIL and I either avoid each other, or we usually do not get along. Reason being... she's usually drunk and beligerent (H refuses to say she's an alcoholic, but she drinks every day, all day) that, andplusalso, she's crazy.

Nikkipal82 · July 2014

I said SS, bc she is ten hours away, but still pretty present in my life. She's kind of nuts, always has some drama or other going on, which I try to stay out of. But I love her, and we generally get along.

stephierd81 · July 2014

I said SS-- I'll try to explain. I love my in laws and they do stuff for us but everything with them is strings attached. DHs parents are still married while my family is the "broken " divorced parents since I was 8. Mine are so much more sincere even tho they don't have the $$$ DHs do. And my 38 year old DH is scared to stick up to his parents. While I've always had an open argumentative type relationship with mine. His parents cause arguments in our relationship for sure and I'm trying to figure out how to not let them get in our way. They're so intrusive! But my hubby is the baby and spoiled and as long as he stays in that role I'm afraid there will be problems.

flockofmoosen3 · July 2014

My MIL held one of my legs and was one of my birthing coaches. She definitely witnessed everything that day.

She is actually really great. MH and her have a great relationship. She is really supportive of us and never has anything bad to say about anyone. She is just someone who enjoys helping ppl and taking care of things without overstepping any boundaries. Actually, I get along really well with my husband ' s whole family. I feel pretty lucky.

ho11yday · July 2014

Eh, nothing really fit. For the most part, we get along. It seems to have gotten better in the last couple of years, especially after the birth of my first son. I think we've ironed out where we stand in relation to DH. His mother has become less smothering and I've accepted that she is his mother with all the bonds that happen as a result of that.

This does not mean that she is not BSC. I mean, DH's entire family is nuts except for his dad. I love his dad. His mother is a hypochondriac, hoping that being sick gets her daughters to love her; her daughters are passive-aggressive (so is their mother); the brother-in-laws all try to drive a wedge between their wives and their mother. And poor DH gets put in the middle of it, feeling like he needs to referee. Dealing with it can get difficult, to say the least.

I know DH feels the same way about my side too.

Neffa1024 · July 2014

SS - she thinks we get along great but she really drives me crazy! I make it very clear that she is out of line but she is oblivious and still thinks we are BFF's. Example of an annoyance: my husband is a musician. I go to an outdoor gig with the baby, MIL shows up too (uninvited and unannounced). She rips LO from my hands and holds him for the length of the show. I ask her repeatedly not to get too close to the stage because he keeps taking his infant headphones off (she ignores...) Trying to distract myself to keep from strangling her, I chat up another mother with a newborn and toddler. She interrupts our conversation and asks the lady to give me advice because her kids seem well behaved and my LO is "so fussy". I should have just strangled her when I wanted to the first time!

jsaffer01 · July 2014

I put we get along OK. She's really nice, and she tries to help with a lot of things. She is the one who watches LO while I'm at work. But she definitely does things that just annoy/piss me off. I def have a small case of OCD and it has gotten worse over the years especially since we moved into our own house. Well MIL will clean while she is babysitting and she doesn't do as good as a job I would do. And she just piles everything up. And I also hate the fact she plays favorites between her 2 boys, and everyone can see it.

CamrynnsMommy · July 2014

My MIL is deceased, but prior to that she lived in FL and I in NE. My oldest DD got to meet her three times, my middle DD met her once when she was in the hospital (she later died of a stroke), my youngest will never meet her.

dogsombrero · July 2014

MIL lives in SoCal and we are in the Midwest. I like her and we get along pretty well. She's a little more demanding as a Grandma but still really cool.

jenniferroshto · July 2014

Mine lives with us at the moment because she absolutely refuses to be a responsible adult and would rather be a freeloader. We have a few moments once in a blue moon where we get along for maybe 5 minutes but I just have no tolerance for lazy irresponsible people who think the world should revolve around them.

usernewname · July 2014

I get along pretty well with mil. She just annoys me when her and fil get super involved without invitation. And when she thinks her opinion is best and doesn't listen to mine. But I just ignore it or do it my way anyway.

frugalwife · July 2014

She lives less than 30 min away but we only see her 2x/year...Christmas and for our older son's birthday party. I guess that will increase to 3x/year since we have another child now. I don't get her. DH gets a text from her on his birthday! For whatever reason she chooses to not be involved in her children and grandchildren's lives.

jenb_99 · July 2014

I wish I had a MIL. DH's mom had breast cancer and died in his arms 3 weeks after our wedding. I get along great with his two aunts though. They both live close by and we see them often.

DH gets along great with my mom.

FlemDance · July 2014

@jenb_99‌ similar situation for me - MI died of a stage 4 brain tumor a few days before our wedding. I absolutely adored her and cannot think of anything negative. DH adores my mom as well so we're lucky!

momthatlifts · July 2014

Since we moved out life has been better but she's a little unrealistic. She is always demanding pictures and then calla me "cranky" if I don't respond immediately to jet text messages. For example, she purchased something for toots off etsy and I gave her a big thank you. That is ALL I said. Then (due was drunk) she started sending me text after text asking me what I wanted her to wear for her 1 year pictures. Wtf? Relax she wasn't even two months at the time. I told her I was busy taking care of a fussy 8 week old and as soon as she goes to bed I will text her. Her response "ohhh that's why you're so cranky." Huh? The only text I sent you was a thank you... she talks bad about my mom and sisters. Like makes fun of them which I don't like. All in all I tolerate her for the sake of dh. Who, if he had it his way, would probably never speak to her again. But she's all he has. I just think she needs to learn to keep her mouth shut. An she tries to take over mommy business with toots and because aggressive towards dh yanking her out of his arms!! OK vent over. She drives me nuts

sparklingdiamond · July 2014

I never met DH's mom, as she passed away before we even met.

springbeduk2 · July 2014

Different of the poll options would apply at different times. Normally she is on a different continent so it's just the occasional phone chat usually with a bad connection. Dh and I were together 9 years and married almost 5 before I even met her (we had a tiny and simple wedding - dh would consider a traditional Indian wedding one of the worst possible forms of torture and a typical American one didn't appeal to either of us either).

BUT she is living with us now to "help" with and spend time with our baby (as she was mostly in the same household with her first 2 now adult grandchildren) - 3.3 months down and 2.2 to go. She is nice and not overbearing in the stereotypical MIL way. And she has been totally willing to welcome me into the family even though i'm not indian.
But she is still driving me bonkers because (long vent starts here - feel free to scroll past): a)I do not have the temperament or skills for living in a 3-generation household ; b)dh treats her kindof like a naughty child rather than showing her respect which I find odd, though I'm starting to get it because c) between learned/feigned helplessness and actual issues having her around is more another person to take care of than it is helpful. She's kinda helpful but about like a reasonably responsible 11 or 12 year old would be (who can cookbut o.ly some things) - can't count on her too much andalso can't count on her to say so if something will be too hard for her. And d) while she speaks English and was educated in English (their whole family was) she had gotten lazy about it and now speaks this bizarrely mangled form. Like, she doesn't do word order right for questions so I can't tell if she's asking or telling something. And her word usage is weird in that she'll use a word that is a synonym for the correct word but not actually right for the context or because of the connotations. So again it's often hard to tell what she means. And she doesn't listen. So trying to communicate with her is tiring and I've pretty much run out of patience which makes me feel like a bad person. Though then not because she actually does have the education to speak more clearly and the intelligence to have re-learned more in the time she has been here if she bothered. But still ... I feel guilty being grumpy with her but can't help it sometimes at this point.

Kris2011RN · July 2014

I said SS because we got along well for the most part until DD was in the hospital. She said some pretty off the wall stuff that pissed me off.

MissLadyTay · July 2014

I love my MIL. She raised my husband to be a good man. She's very good with children, so patient and gentle. I try to be more like her with my boys!

Our only issue is that we are complete opposites on political issues. This is normally not an issue but sometimes she and FIL bring politics up. Drives me and MH crazy. We disagree and no one is going to change their mind. Why start a fight?!? So that's frustrating. But otherwise I am very lucky. I try to be a good daughter in law to her.

Bootsie327 · July 2014

I put SS. We get along, she does very nice things for us, but she annoys me a lot of the time. Just a clashing of personalities- I'm very laid back and she's really intense. Small doses and we are good.

pistolpackinmomma · July 2014

I need an option for we pretend to like each other but I think she's BSC and she likes to complain to DH about everything that I do because she thinks he should have married his ex.

babyaotw · July 2014

I'm on the we pretend to like each other boat. We get along, for the sake of it. She doesn't like me, I know that, and we are very different. Luckily, she lives ten hours away. DH isn't very close to her, as she openly favors her youngest son. When she came to visit, she only took pics of the baby and uncle. None of the baby and DH, who is his Dad!

lrmrtn · July 2014

I put SS and here's why- MIL adores me and means well. She also loves DS. BUT they live about an hour and a half away and have only seen DS twice in 9 weeks. She has some medical issues , some in her control, some out of her control, some real, some exaggerated. Its all she talks about ever to get attention and use as an excuse to get out of everything. She is also very religious and conservative which we are not. We just don't have anything in common. That being said they treat us pretty well and raised two great sons. We'll just never be friends.

pistolpackinmomma · July 2014

babyaotw said:
I'm on the we pretend to like each other boat. We get along, for the sake of it. She doesn't like me, I know that, and we are very different. Luckily, she lives ten hours away. DH isn't very close to her, as she openly favors her youngest son. When she came to visit, she only took pics of the baby and uncle. None of the baby and DH, who is his Dad!

I'm jealous yours lives so far away. Mine comes to visit "her babies" every week. DH is an only child because "if you get it right the first time then you don't need more than 1 kid" and she honestly thinks DH is perfect. Of course when we told them I was pregnant with DS2 but had a little bleeding (I had a lot of bleeding with DS1 and was almost put on bed rest for the duration of my pregnancy, in first tri) she said that she hoped this was our last because we "just can't keep doing this". She's awesome.

usernewname · July 2014

pistolpackinmomma said:

babyaotw said:
I'm on the we pretend to like each other boat. We get along, for the sake of it. She doesn't like me, I know that, and we are very different. Luckily, she lives ten hours away. DH isn't very close to her, as she openly favors her youngest son. When she came to visit, she only took pics of the baby and uncle. None of the baby and DH, who is his Dad!
I'm jealous yours lives so far away. Mine comes to visit "her babies" every week. DH is an only child because "if you get it right the first time then you don't need more than 1 kid" and she honestly thinks DH is perfect. Of course when we told them I was pregnant with DS2 but had a little bleeding (I had a lot of bleeding with DS1 and was almost put on bed rest for the duration of my pregnancy, in first tri) she said that she hoped this was our last because we "just can't keep doing this". She's awesome.

:-O

letal316 · July 2014

I chose, we avoid each other, which really isn't hard to do when she lives a four hour flight away. DH is not close with her and they only talk on birthdays and holidays. Her and I haven't spoken in more than 3 years since we were back there for a visit. We don't even pretend to get along ever since she told me, 'she cried herself to sleep when DH told her he was proposing to me.' Not exactly warm and fuzzy.

babyaotw · July 2014

pistolpackinmomma said:

babyaotw said:
I'm on the we pretend to like each other boat. We get along, for the sake of it. She doesn't like me, I know that, and we are very different. Luckily, she lives ten hours away. DH isn't very close to her, as she openly favors her youngest son. When she came to visit, she only took pics of the baby and uncle. None of the baby and DH, who is his Dad!
I'm jealous yours lives so far away. Mine comes to visit "her babies" every week. DH is an only child because "if you get it right the first time then you don't need more than 1 kid" and she honestly thinks DH is perfect. Of course when we told them I was pregnant with DS2 but had a little bleeding (I had a lot of bleeding with DS1 and was almost put on bed rest for the duration of my pregnancy, in first tri) she said that she hoped this was our last because we "just can't keep doing this". She's awesome.

Getting away from them is one of the reasons I agreed to move, as we used to live in a rental of hers. She'd come over as she pleased, and totally invade our privacy. She also once held an intervention for DH behind my back, because she thought he was depressed because we didn't go out much. Umm, one, we are introverts, so we don't go out as often. Two, I was in graduate school and studying my ass off.

gypsymystic · July 2014

pistolpackinmomma said:

I'm on the we pretend to like each other boat. We get along, for the sake of it. She doesn't like me, I know that, and we are very different. Luckily, she lives ten hours away. DH isn't very close to her, as she openly favors her youngest son. When she came to visit, she only took pics of the baby and uncle. None of the baby and DH, who is his Dad!
I'm jealous yours lives so far away. Mine comes to visit "her babies" every week. DH is an only child because "if you get it right the first time then you don't need more than 1 kid" and she honestly thinks DH is perfect. Of course when we told them I was pregnant with DS2 but had a little bleeding (I had a lot of bleeding with DS1 and was almost put on bed rest for the duration of my pregnancy, in first tri) she said that she hoped this was our last because we "just can't keep doing this". She's awesome.

Ditto that... She sounds like a peach @pistolpakinmomma. Quote box fail. :P

mcnava · July 2014

mine is ridiculous...she, too, is drunk most of the time. she loves Hunter and wants to come see him as much as possible...so its more she's overbearing and won't let me have time to myself. She texts almost every day "does he miss me?" She's fine...I just need more space.

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