it's hard not to fall into depression

nickys20 · July 2014

Hi! my name is Nicole and me and my hubby have been ttc for over a year now. every month I get my period I cry and want to go right into depression. it's even harder seeing friends who got married after me have babies already or others having their second baby. I can feel them looking at me like "what's wrong with her?" and people at work always asking if I even want a baby or why I haven't had one yet. it makes me want to slack their snide faces! I try not to tell my hubby about these problems too much cut I know it bothers him or makes him feel helpless . I also don't want to put it on Facebook cut I don't want people to know how unhappy I am and make more remarks or be he center of their gossip. so I'm ranting to anyone who will listen on here...

catlover790 · July 2014

Hi Nicole, I'm sorry you and your DH are having trouble conceiving. You will find lots of ladies here who are in a similar situation with the same frustrations! Have you started seeking out some medical help to see what might be causing the TTTC? do you chart you bbt? That can help you see if you are having sex that is timed well.

As for the comments, people can be very insensitive when it comes to infertility and unless they have gone through it many just don't understand. I'm sorry you are dealing with this. We have "throat punch Thursdays" where we rant about people who have said something annoying that week so definitely join in! If you are feeling depressed is there someone you might be able to talk to? Maybe a family member, or counselor?

Good luck with everything.

lilmamapanther · July 2014

nickys20 said:
Hi! my name is Nicole and me and my hubby have been ttc for over a year now. every month I get my period I cry and want to go right into depression. it's even harder seeing friends who got married after me have babies already or others having their second baby. I can feel them looking at me like "what's wrong with her?" and people at work always asking if I even want a baby or why I haven't had one yet. it makes me want to slack their snide faces! I try not to tell my hubby about these problems too much cut I know it bothers him or makes him feel helpless . I also don't want to put it on Facebook cut I don't want people to know how unhappy I am and make more remarks or be he center of their gossip. so I'm ranting to anyone who will listen on here...

I get that all the time at work. Co-workers asking do I ever wants kids. I totally feel the same I just want to tell them shut the hell up.

BethKate2 · July 2014

Having trouble TTC is really tough. Since it's been over a year, seeking out assistance from a RE is probably a good idea, if you haven't already. Also, have you considered seeing a therapist? I haven't started counseling of any sort at this point, but I know that many people who suffer from IF find it incredibly helpful to have someone to talk to. There are therapists who specialize in IF, and someone like that could be really helpful to you with how you're feeling.

nickys20 · July 2014

Thank you. I have been charting for a couple months now, I went to a doctor after 8 months of ttc and he told me there wasn't anything apparently wrong with me. It is hard not knowing how to fix the problem. I am going next go to a natural doctor to see if it's a hormonal problem.

BethKate2 · July 2014

nickys20 said:

Thank you. I have been charting for a couple months now, I went to a doctor after 8 months of ttc and he told me there wasn't anything apparently wrong with me. It is hard not knowing how to fix the problem. I am going next go to a natural doctor to see if it's a hormonal problem.

What kind of doctor did you see? Your obgyn? What tests did they run? Did your husband have an SA?

There are a lot of people who, after lots of testing, are diagnosed with unexplained infertility, but their REs don't just send them on their way. They try different treatments and courses of action to see what works. If you want to see a "natural" doctor (I'm not quite sure what that means), that's your call, but I'd definitely recommend a reproductive endocrinologist.

nickys20 · July 2014

Thank you all! I initially went to an obgyn, and he did some tests, don't remember which ones, but said to come back after a year of ttc, but I was trying to wait a couple months past a year because I was scared to go back, guess I didn't want to find out if something was really wrong. What I mean by a "natural" doctor is one who prescribes whole food supplements and gets your diet on track to balance the hormones. A couple other people I know tried it and had babies. But I'm also going to see an obgyn again to run further tests....

BethKate2 · July 2014

nickys20 said:

**snip**. But I'm also going to see an obgyn again to run further tests....

I wouldn't bother. OBs aren't specifically trained to help you get pregnant. I know I sound like a broken record, but I'd go straight to the RE if I were you.

nickys20 · July 2014

I haven't been temping yet but have done some charting...

nickys20 · July 2014

Good to know, ya i was hesitant about temping but I'll look into it

BethKate2 · July 2014

nickys20 said:

Good to know, ya i was hesitant about temping but I'll look into it

Definitely check out fertilityfriend.com. Their tutorials are really helpful.

dancerspose · July 2014

I'm so sorry for all your frustrations. I, and many other women here certainly do share them. I definitely have issues with the nosey questions from people, especially coworkers. I don't know what it is about people in an office setting that they think they have a right to be very presumptious with their comments and questions. Sometimes I think if I had a less visible job (I work for the director of a hospital) I would be a little more rude in my responses, rather than just smile and crack a joke.

Have you told anyone about your struggles - a close friend or relative? There are a lot of different techniques with regard to sharing your struggles or not. I am generally on the side of more private, but I have found that just having one close friend who knows what's going on to run to when I'm having a particularly rough day really helps.

I also would recommend seeing an RE. Good luck!

BunnyBerry · July 2014

Welcome, and sorry for the struggles you're feeling. You are definitely not alone.

To be a devil's advocate here...My husband and I waited until the 5 year point of TTC to get help (my GYN was willing to send me to an RE for years but we just weren't ready yet). I prayed about it, and also struggled with fear and denial, and finally something clicked and we were both ready to get help.

So I just want to say, the time frame is totally up to you.

At the same time, I wouldn't necessarily recommend going through a bunch of treatments that are not proven to be highly effective, because chances are it will just turn into months of frustration, dashed hopes, and probably you'd still end up with an RE.

Another thought would be, to get fully tested on both sides so you have a clear picture of what may be wrong, and then take your time with natural remedies as long as you feel comfortable. Probably a lot of those fears and pain will be eased when you have some answers. Sometimes the comments/questions of others feel the most powerful when we are struggling ourselves, wondering, is it me? Is it him?

I am not one to have regrets. However, I do have a clear picture that I am almost 30, 6 months into testing and treatment, and our chances for a big family of 3-4 or more kids is not necessarily something we can hope for much at this point. So perhaps give yourself an honest and realistic count backward based on your age and your hopes (one child? two? more?), knowing that it can take months or more each time, and just figure out a time frame that you feel comfortable with.

Of course, that is a lot easier to do wisely with info such as your hormone levels, ovarian reserve, husband's SA (since you might need to wait months at a time to see the effect of treatments for sperm), etc. Good luck with whatever you choose.

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