Pregnancy and funerals

DaniGrace89 · July 2014

This is a weird one.

My uncle has terminal brain cancer and I'm not sure how long he has. It's awful to even acknowledge this reality.

My uncle and his family are Jewish.

It is a Jewish tradition not to go to a cemetery while pregnant. Though I do not share these beliefs, a piece of me is freaked out by the superstitions, and I don't want to offend or scare anyone by attending.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this?

angeltennis3 · July 2014

I would discuss with your family. Tell them how much you love your Uncle and want to honor their traditions. Ask if your presence at the cemetery would cause them comfort or angst.

I am not familiar with Jewish traditions, but at the Catholic funerals I have been to, the wake and the church ceremony have been the more difficult part to get through. By the time we get to the cemetery, everyone is usually emotionally prepared for the final goodbye and it goes pretty quickly. Usually just some brief words and everyone leaves the grave site.

DaniGrace89 · July 2014

@FamousEa‌ I honestly had to google this one. It is never written in any Jewish texts but is believed to be extremely dangerous for the mom and baby to be around a place of death and mourning. The contrast between forming life and ending life is too vast.
The mother is supposed to be focusing on positive energy of life and not that of death which is quite negative.

Although I am not a member of this religion, it freaks me out. He is my uncle and I love him to pieces. I also wonder if being at the funeral is frowned upon. I know it's premature, but I may call the funeral home/cemetery when the unfortunate time comes.

Mommy2Boys09 · July 2014

I would try to go to the services but respect their beliefs and not go to the cemetery. I'm very sorry about your uncle. I just lost my grandmother, the day before my anniversary. She passed on June 30th. I think the worst part of losing someone while pregnant is having the vivid dreams. I keep dreaming of my grandmother. They feel so real. It's so hard to get over. Sending thoughts & prayers for you and your family.

trisharenee0316 · July 2014

I also echo the suggestion to go to the temple services (if any) and skip the graveside out of respect. I went to a friend's funeral a few weeks ago and only went to the church service, mostly because I was a hot mess and couldn't get myself to go to the grave site. But I figured that the church service was the biggest part and it was the way that I chose to pay my respects.

CynthiaVRey · July 2014

Yes agree completely , my aunt passes away and had a fully catholic ceremony it was so draining and stressful and I believe the stress is what landed me in the hospital. @DaniGrace89‌ think about this if emotionally you can handle the funeral that's your choice talk with your family maybe you can have your own special memorial

MrsL2B · July 2014

I'm sorry your uncle is so ill. When the time comes, I hope you are able to pay your respects for him in a way that gives you a sense of peace. I'm not at all familiar with this tradition, but if it's shared by other family members, it's probably worth abiding.

AppleGrapeMSTK · July 2014

crawford411 said:

Also consider contacting the synagogue where the ceremony is held. Some are more traditional than others and the synagogue in question may not subscribe to that belief. The fact that you are being so respectful is honorable.

If you can't attend the funeral, maybe you can immediate family can do something small to honor your uncle and say goodbye.

This. My grandfather passed away last month, and I couldn't make it due to time/money issues (the funeral was in a different state). I did make the trip the following weekend to pay my respects and spend time with family. If the ceremony and funeral might make others uncomfortable, maybe something like this is an option.

k3montel · July 2014

I'm so sorry. I haven't heard of this before, but I would ask his family what their thoughts are. My mom's BFF (basically my aunt) passed away 2 months ago. It was very difficult, but I went to the ceremony. They didn't go to a cemetery, but if they had , I probably would have skipped that part. The cemetery is usually the hardest part for me. Again, I'm so sorry.

Cutiecruz327 · July 2014

I don't know what I would do, so I have no advice. Just wanted to send thoughts & prayers. I'm so sorry.

mandapear · July 2014

I'm an Orthodox Jew and this is not a tradition I've ever heard of being followed in this day and age. I wouldn't assume anything without speaking with the family first.

DaniGrace89 · July 2014

Thank you all for your thoughts and kind words! I appreciate them all. Will definitely take all of your suggestions into consideration while figuring this out. Thanks though!!!!

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