how do i get my 9 yr old to accept she is going to be a big sister — The Bump
School-Aged Children

how do i get my 9 yr old to accept she is going to be a big sister

my daughter is 9yrs old and bald her eyes out when she found out i was pregnant. i felt so bad. she doesnt want me to have this baby everytime we talk about the baby or try to involve her in thngs she says ' i dont care'... what can we do ??????

Re: how do i get my 9 yr old to accept she is going to be a big sister

  • thanks both children have the same father iv been told its because shes been the only child for so long...
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  • Spin313Spin313 member
    I'd stop talking to her about it. If she brings it up or gets upset when she hears you talking about it, just say "I'm sorry you feel that way, do you want to talk about it...?" If she says no, tell her you love her and you're here when she's ready. If she says yes, try to really listen and not dismiss her feelings.
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  • Time, time, time.

    It's a big change for a kid her age, who probably thought she was past the time when this would happen.  I would respect her feelings and acknowledge that it won't seem like a "good thing" to become a big sister right away.  I'm sure there's a part of you that also has mixed feelings about going back to parenting an infant, after being a parent of a self-sufficient older school-aged kid for several years.  If you are feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness, I'd share that with her.  Be honest and don't demand that she pretends to feel happy when she doesn't.

    Your children will have a different sibling relationship than the typical "two years apart/best buddies" thing.  In many ways, your DD will still sort of be like an only child because it will be decades before the two siblings reach the same stage of life.  You'll have to let things evolve between them however they're going to evolve.  Give her time and space to adjust and don't force her to pretend to feel happy about it until she's ready.
    High School English teacher and mom of 2 kids:

    DD, born 9/06/00 -- 12th grade
    DS, born 8/25/04 -- 7th grade
    MesmrEwe
  • thanks so much and i kinda know how she feels my brother and i are 15 yrs apart....
  • I would put the subject on the backburner for now as far as talking to her goes. She will come to terms with it eventually but she may need to take her own time and do it in her own way. She will come around.
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  • Maybe do things just you and her, like go to a movie or dinner date or shopping or something. Make her see that she is still special and she still is very loved.
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  • thanks for all the help with my daughter we havent discussed it in a long time and i think she is coming around she is coming up with names and she is the one bringing new baby up so thats good and we are going to start mommy daughter day where her and i have a whole day just us and do our hair and nail go to the park fun things she wants to do and then when baby comes we have our own day once a weeks maybe twice  or three toimes that i can give her that one on one attention shes used to from being the only child all your alls advice has helped so much and thanks again Congrats to all the mommys : :::::::::
  • Yeah, don't bring up the baby. Let her come to you, change is hard....and she's been an only child for 9yrs.
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  • We've got a 7 year gap in age and as the PP pointed out, it's a totally different sibling dynamic!  Some days DD is fantastic, others she's a bear!  A lot will change once baby is here and then gets to be old enough that they can actually play together.  Try to involve her as much as possible, but also remember to do some of the only child type activities.  There's only so much you can do when they get in the "life was so much better without (sibling).." phases - but realize that they will happen and not to let them get to you, which they will, remember to just roll with it!!!
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  • My son was 9 when we got pregnant again. We were really lucky in the way that he wanted a baby too, so he was beyond thrilled about it. I think girls tend to be more emotional and have more drama. I would try to let it go for a while, and then as you get further try to involve her as much as you can. Get baby thinks of “ I love my big sister”. Let her pick some stuff out. One important thing is to not let her feel replaced. I started a weekly “date” with my son when I was pregnant, and we continue it now so he didn’t feel replaced.

    Also, i will tell you its like having 2 only children. While my son loves his brother, its not like hes super fun or anything at a year old. and since they are in two totaly different stages of life, it cna be relaly hard to balance.

  • DS and DS2 are 5 years apart. DS1 was not happy about it at first but eventually came around. My mom bought some "big brother" books that helped a lot. Like baby's can't eat pizza or ride bikes etc. and how the big brother job is so important and what big helpers they can be. He loves helping any way he can. Also we did up DS1 room really nice with the Batman theme he wanted so he wasn't upset about the baby room. I try to make time for just us still to do things just us and still give him attention.
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