Benjamin's birth story and update on me (way too long)

ball.and.chain · July 2014

Better late than never? And I apologize in advance -- brevity was never my strong suit and the fact that things happened slowly does not help!

A week after we found out my BP was rising and I was being watched for possible pre-eclampsia, I went to my regular OB appointment and my BP was officially high enough to diagnose me with gestational hypertension. My doctor told me I was done with work effective immediately and that they would schedule me an induction for 7/5 or 7/6, which would get moved up if any other test results didn't look good (at that point we were awaiting BW and 24-hour urine). I was a little anxious about delivering earlier than expected (I had sort of assumed he'd be late) and leaving work so suddenly, but I was also looking forward to a week or so on the couch.

The next morning (Thursday 6/26) at 10 am my OB nurse called and said, "How do you feel about going in to have a baby today?" The protein in my 24-hour urine was too high. Definitely pre-e -- a mild case, but they didn't want to sit around waiting for it to get worse when the baby was full term (I was 37w4d). They had scheduled my induction for 2 pm. My wife and I went into panic mode, packing bags, making phone calls, and taking care of a few things around the house, then headed in to the hospital. I think my wife was excited (among other things, she'd been about to head in to work and was thrilled to have to call out!), but I was kind of a mess. I was anxious and nervous and cried when we left the house.

They did a cervical check at the hospital and of course I was not even a little bit dilated or effaced. So they started out giving me misoprostal and then waiting for four hours to see if it worked. It did, but only a tiny bit. Next step -- Foley balloon. They said some women have cramping when it is inserted and some don't -- I had severe cramping; it felt kind of like my HSG except that it didn't go away when the procedure was over. I took Nubain, which makes you feel tipsy but killed the pain immediately, and was able to sleep. The balloon stays in for 12 hours, so we had to wait until morning before we could see any results.

The balloon also made only a tiny difference, so on Friday morning (6/27) we went back to the misoprostal. Four hours later I was dilated enough to start pitocin. Pit scared the crap out of me. I'd always felt that I wouldn't want pit without an epidural, but it was way too early for an epi and there wasn't really another good way to get things going. They started me out at the lowest does and raised it every...half hour? Hour? Details are getting blurry. The crazy thing is that I wasn't even feeling contractions, just a little crampiness. And at some point my water broke spontaneously, although again I am not sure exactly when. Eventually they had me at the max dose at pitocin...still no real progress.

At about 2 am on Saturday (6/28), I woke up with incredibly painful contractions. I was only about 3 cm dilated and felt that it would be better to wait on the epi, but I was struggling with the pain. At this point I'd been on max pit for hours and things were pretty intense. The nurse offered me Nubain again -- she said it wouldn't take away the pain but might take the edge off enough to buy me some time. Unfortunately, it did nothing for the pain but did put me to sleep between contractions -- so I would sleep for a few minutes, wake disoriented and in pain, try to breathe through the contraction, and promptly fall asleep again. I managed to make it through about an hour or two that way, then asked for the epidural. Sitting still through contractions while they placed it was excruciating, but once it was working...ahhhhh. It was around 5 am on Saturday. We went to sleep.

Saturday was basically waiting to get up to 10 cm. After the night of contractions, I had made some progress and the baby had dropped a station or two, but things were still moving fairly slowly. At some point the OB told me that if we didn't make some more progress soon, it would be best to prepare for a c-section. S and I were completely fine with that. We'd been at the hospital for 48 hours. I'd been on magnesium since midday Friday (to prevent seizures in women with pre-eclampsia, it is administered via IV during labor and for 24 hours after delivery), and they won't let you eat on magnesium, so I hadn't had solid food since Friday lunch. S was sleeping on a cot and I was sleeping on a L&D bed, which is designed for labor, not sleeping, and is incredibly uncomfortable. We were exhausted and it really didn't look like the baby was going to come out on his own. At my next check, I was still only 9 cm dilated and the baby had moved UP a station. The OB officially gave us the c-section talk. A little while later, they did one last cervical check and I was 10 cm. We were shocked. The OB said I could start pushing and maybe I would be able to move the baby down. We decided to give it a shot.

Every doctor who saw me that evening (and it's a teaching hospital, so there were lots) kept raving about what a great epidural I had. I felt no pain, but could feel pressure and faint contractions and had some feeling in my legs, so it didn't inhibit my ability to push in any way. I could tell something was moving down when I was pushing, so I knew I was making progress (although no lie, at the beginning I was convinced it was a poop. I told the nurse, med student and my wife, who were all helping me push, "I'm just warning you now. There's going to be poop."). He was occiput posterior (OP) or sunny side-up, which is harder to deliver, but I just kept at it. It was tiring but at least I didn't have to worry about pain. After about three and a half hours of pushing, they told me I was close and brought in the whole team. Four more pushes and out came a tiny 5 lb 7 oz conehead with the cord wrapped twice around his neck. He was responsive and making noise but not crying as vigorously as they would have liked, so the pediatric team spent a lot of time poking at him, which freaked my wife out, but the attending OB assured us he was fine and she was right. I had a second-degree tear but otherwise felt fine at the time.

A couple of hours later, we went to our post-partum room and that is when I started feeling the magnesium, which makes you feel like you have the flu plus double vision. It is nasty stuff. I couldn't walk, so I had to use a bedpan -- not pleasant or easy when all of your muscles are shot from pushing out a baby. We assumed the weakness in my legs was left over from the epidural, then thought it was due to the magnesium (which makes your muscles weak), but eventually realized something else was up. I couldn't move the muscles in the top of my left foot -- it wasn't painful, just felt dead. They sent me for ultrasounds to rule out deep vein clots, then diagnosed me with a nerve injury. Apparently nerves can get stretched, compressed or torn during delivery and can take 3 months to a year (!) to heal completely! So I was barely sleeping because of the baby, trying to learn to breast feed, feeling like someone drove a truck through my vagina, battling the magnesium effects, STILL not allowed to eat solid food, AND then on top of that I had a bum foot with no hope of immediate recovery. They brought me a walker and a prescription for obstetric PT and I cried.

I am actually pretty happy with the way things went, even though it was a long process. Inductions suck, especially early inductions, and I wish I hadn't needed one. Given my situation, I feel like we made the right decisions and I respected the decisions of the medical team at the hospital. Because we were in L&D so long, we had a ton of different nurses, and they were all fantastic. The doctors were great, and I felt like they gave me plenty of time for my body to get on board and do what it needed to do -- I think some doctors would have tried to rush me into a c-section sooner. They explained everything well, they eased me into the pitocin, and they gave me a fantastic epidural. If I were to do it all again, I would have skipped the second dose of Nubain. Otherwise, I'd make the same choices. I honestly think that if I hadn't chosen to have an epidural, I probably would have ended up with a c-section. We were 48 hours into the process and exhausted by the time I started pushing; if I hadn't been able to sleep for several hours that morning -- which I believe would only have been possible with an epidural -- I don't know that I would have had the strength to push for over three hours. I had always planned on an epidural, but I can't imagine going through an induction process without one, given how hard your body is being pushed into something it doesn't want to do. Plus, pitocin contractions are excruciating. I can't compare to natural ones, but I know I was in a hell of a lot of pain.

The first week was hard. I was definitely battling the baby blues and because I have several risk factors for PPD, I worried about that a lot. I felt strangely sad that I wasn't pregnant anymore, totally overwhelmed, inadequate and clueless. Fortunately I felt much better after the week mark, and even better now that we've passed the two week mark. I didn't end up needing the walker; I can get along fine as long as I don't try to do anything other than walk (running, jumping etc would be out of the question at this point), though I do have a limp and have to move slowly. I am in PT twice a week -- not sure yet if it's helping, but I am trying to just roll with it. My nerve injury is relatively mild and limited (it could be my whole leg, and is just the top of my foot), so I suppose I am lucky in that regard. I had a follow-up with my OB today, and my BP is back to normal.

Ben is a great breastfeeder but I am not a huge fan. I'm trying to take it a week at a time because I know it's good for him and me, but I don't love being the only person who can provide food for him and I'm actually looking forward to starting to pump so my wife can give him bottles. Despite what appears to be a good latch, my nipples are super sore. Fortunately he has gained a ton of weight so I know he's getting what he needs, which is the most important thing. We are struggling, as all new parents do, with the sleep issue but I think we've made some good strides in the past few days and I'm feeling optimistic. We've also had excellent help from my MIL and aunt, who have stayed with us and helped with baby care and house work after my wife went back to work.

The good news is that Ben is adorable and amazing and we're in love with him. Here's a picture to reward you for the long story.

StacyLH24 · July 2014

Goodness...what an ordeal you all had to go through to get Ben here into the world. I'm glad things are looking up as time passes. I'm glad that you are comfortable with all of the choices you made and with how things turned out. No matter what, your sweet baby is here for you to enjoy.

A coworker of mine who has had three children said that it is very common to miss being pregnant. She said she did after the births of all three of her children.

I hope things continue to look up and that you get more settled into your new life as a family of three.

2MamazInSeattle · July 2014

Thanks for sharing all the details! You did great mama, and are already a stand-up mama! Stay the course, you've got this. But as always, I love your honesty and the realness you bring with your words. p.s. I miss you being pregnant too...you were an awesome PAGL, PAIF, AMA, etc. etc. etc. pal. Though, I'm betting you'll be an awesome new mom friend too!

Karlamo · July 2014

Thanks for sharing your journey with us. I'm glad you had great care. My first week as a new mom was so overwhelming too. I kept thinking what did we get ourselves into! It just keeps getting better with time. Hang in there with the bf. I bet once your wife is able to feed him you'll get some breathing room and maybe a hot meal:)

trisholio · July 2014

Thank you so much for sharing! You are an amazing woman.

Little Ben couldn't be more precious!

KH826 · July 2014

What a story! I am continually amazed at what parents do to bring their children into this world. The whole process is just totally mind-blowing to me. You did a fantastic job, and Ben is beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing him (and your story) with us. As someone who pushed for 10 mins, I cannot imagine pushing for 3.5 hours. You totally rock!

ATXmommas · July 2014

Thanks for sharing Benjamin's birth story with us. I'm so glad that you feel positive about the experience despite it happening earlier than planned. And, wow, what a cute lil guy!

And, yes, thanks for keeping it real. I can relate to so many of your postpartum feelings. Nothing can quite prepare you for what it's like to be the parent of a newborn.

Looking forward to hearing much more about Mr. B!

Jazibel · July 2014

Thank you for sharing Ben's birth story. I am so impressed by your tenacity and endurance. Days without food and over 3 hours of pushing, sounds impossible but you did it and Ben is the beautiful proof. I'm glad you're spirits are lifting, I definitely had a rough couple of weeks at first, full of many tears and just low feelings. Our midwife explained that the hormones post-partum can be intense. I also miss being pregnant, though I love holding Owen. I look forward to witnessing your parenting journey and seeing more pics of Ben's adorable face.

ball.and.chain · July 2014

herbabymama said:

I'm overwhelmed with joy that your little Ben is here after the long journey with IF and then a long labor!

Thanks! I will say that several of our L&D nurses commented about how good our attitudes were through the whole process, even 48+ hours in. With the exception of my intense middle-of-the-night contractions, we were cracking jokes with each other the whole way. I told them after what we'd been through, we were just grateful to be getting ready to welcome a healthy baby at the end of all of it. I said I knew a lot of people whose IF/loss stories did not end with babies and I wasn't about to complain about a two-day wait to meet mine! I certainly wouldn't have asked to go through IF and loss but sometimes I am grateful for the perspective it has given us.

redrockmama · July 2014

Thanks for sharing your story. You are really tough! I totally agree about the hormones, such a crazy ride I felt like I was in for a couple of weeks. I worried about PPD too because of all of the trauma with the birth. I'm glad we ate both feeling better.

Also thanks for the reminder that I need to write mine up too.

firstcomeslove2013 · July 2014

So glad to read your story. Thanks for sharing with us. I have loved (and will continue to enjoy) following your story. You are the definition of perseverance!

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Benjamin's birth story and update on me (way too long)

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