DH and LO's movements

LaDyBostonRN · July 2014

Is this happening to anyone? Sorry so long, thanks for reading. If you make it that far.

DH's feelings towards the baby are different than mine and we've talked about this. Even though he is obviously excited for our first baby, he isn't as connected as I am (which is understandable given that I'm carrying him in my belly). He compares the situation to when we got our pup almost 4 years ago. He didn't really want any part in caring for her until I brought her home and now he absolutely cannot imagine life without her. He treats her as if she was our very own human baby (literally). So he says it's weird for him now, but that he knows when bean baby comes, he'll love him to pieces.

Given all that, he hasn't spent too much time trying to feel movement, or touching my belly, etc. But when he does, the baby NEVRER MOVES. At first I thought it was just a fluke. I keep waiting to be further along to feel more movement so he would be more likely to catch it but no. So now that I am almost constably feeling movement ----> last night, surprisingly, he says "come over here, I want to see what's happening in that belly of yours". I walk over, lie down, he puts his hand on my stomach and NOTHING. We give it 5 min, nothing. So then I make him come to the bed before I fall asleep and position myself on my side so that he'll start his dance party like he always does when I'm on my side. NOT A FREAKING THING. I'm so emotional about it, I get so sad/mad/frustrated. So after almost another 10 minutes, he gets up to let me sleep and the moment he leaves, baby starts up ferociously.

W.T.F.

Does this happen to anyone else and most importantly, does it bother anyone else as much as it bothers me?

:-@

angeltennis3 · July 2014

DH has felt our baby kick exactly once. She ALWAYS stops as soon as I have him come feel. It's frustrating for sure!

He hasnt flat out said he isn't as connected, but I know it is the case. He is excited to become a Dad, but until our baby is here he just doesn't have the same connection. I think that is 100% normal. I wouldn't let it bother you so much. Which I know is harder said than done! You will always have a different relationship with your child than your husband simply because you are different people. That's ok and completely normal!

archi35 · July 2014

Yeah we have a Trickster baby too. LO is all kinds of active when he first hears DH's voice come into the room, but the second DH puts his hand on the belly - zippo. What I've discovered is that if we just keep talking and acting like there isn't a hand there Trickster starts to move. I think I am actually the one who is giving off a tense, expectant vibe, that causes Trickster to stop all movements.

In general, our little guy tends to stop moving when something new is going on - conference calls, new people in the area, exercising, etc., like he's listening to what is going on (maybe not as actively as I think he is, but he's aware of something at least). He kicks and dances almost to amuse himself if nothing of interest is happening for him.

However, and this is where I think pregnancy is amazing, voices that are familiar, and even TV shows that we watch marathons of, become regular for him and he kicks along and amuses himself when a "familiar" noise is happening.

So I would (as much as possible in your situation) get DH to leave his hand on the belly while you chat and talk about normal stuff. I would guess Trickster will become bored while you relax, and start amusing himself again

LaDyBostonRN · July 2014

@angeltennis3 Thanks!

I should be more specific. It doesn't bother me that he's not connected, at all, it bothers me that baby doesn't move when he's around! My friend always jokes that we secrete some hormone when hands come near out belly that make the baby calm down lol.

LaDyBostonRN · July 2014

@archi35

I LOVE the bit about how your LO seems to recognize tv shows your watch a lot of. I think you're right because DH and I watch Jeopardy every night and I def think he moved a lot while we watch! :x

mari1014 · July 2014

Has he tried talking to baby? Usually the rare times my husband feels the kicks is when he talks to her

LaDyBostonRN · July 2014

mari1014 said:
Has he tried talking to baby? Usually the rare times my husband feels the kicks is when he talks to her

Indeed, he has

(

archi35 · July 2014

LaDyBostonRN said:

@archi35 I LOVE the bit about how your LO seems to recognize tv shows your watch a lot of. I think you're right because DH and I watch Jeopardy every night and I def think he moved a lot while we watch! :x

Honestly you're probably getting a little tense when the hand goes on, hoping and expecting LO to move. So they stop as if to say "what's up mom??" and then wait with you for whatever you're waiting on

I would bet good money that if you go about your business LO will start the party up again pretty soon with the hand on the belly!

Emerald27 · July 2014

Happens to us almost every day. LO doesn't like hands on my belly. He'll be kicking like crazy (and we can even SEE it), but if DH or I rests a hand on my belly, he goes super still.

We've had some success with feeling kicks after dessert or drinking juice. Even if he can't feel LO, DH will still love him to pieces!! I do understand wanting to share this important first connection with him, though.

Lele74 · July 2014

This is happening with us for sure. It's like every time DH puts his hand on my belly, lo stops! She'll be kicking up a storm and then nothing when he touches my skin. DH isn't bothered too much by it. I'm more annoyed about than him. It makes me paranoid that maybe I'm not actually feeling baby movement and it's gas (I know in my smart brain it is her- I even took a little video showing the kicks. But still. It freaks me out). I'm a FTM and I'm hoping that after 30 weeks DH will feel her more.

Maybe there's something to the thought that the body changes when we put a had on our stomachs. My lo will calm down when I gently rub where she's kicking. Who knows.

Unknown · July 2014

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MrsSinner402 · July 2014

My LO does the same thing. But I think its like @Emerald27‌ said, she doesn't like hands there. DH csn sit there and watch her make my belly move, but its rare that he can put a hand on her and feel her. She's a stubborn little shithead already. I told DH that's how I know she's his child.

cmcookaln · July 2014

I have had the same experience as well. I tell my DH that we already have a little brat. I will be sitting in the recliner and LO is going to town so I get up and go sit on the couch next to DH so he can feel and all movement stops. I get up and go back in the recliner, and it's the same thing all over again. LO will even stop when I put my hand on my belly. I want to see what it feels like from the outside (not just the inside), but LO stops as soon as I place my hand on my belly. So frustrating. I'm sorry that you feel like your DH is unattached. I can't imagine what that must feel like since my DH has been excited and totally involved since the beginning.

NavyFlyer · July 2014

literally everything you said applies to me! no advice, but you arent alone and you arent the only one whos DH isnt bonding and cooing over big belly kicks.

cozybluebear · July 2014

Just wait, in no time he'll be able to see baby moving from across the room. I remember during my last pregnancy, I was laying on the couch and baby started rolling. He jumped off the chair when he saw it from across the room. He'll get to feel it soon enough... promise! Just wait a couple weeks.

DreadGamerWife · July 2014

Our LO also doesn't like anything encroaching on her space. Hands, ultrasounds wands, etc. She keeps moving away from all of them. DH has felt two kicks - one pretty weak and one very strong one. But both times required him moving his hands off my belly and waiting a few minutes until I told him that she was kicking again and he could see where she was kicking.

bumpuser10309732 · July 2014

I have a friend that is a month ahead of me (exactly) and she said the exact same thing that you did. LO's been doing it to me a lot lately, I'll feel her kicking away and touch my belly and she stops. Stubborn baby! I've noticed she doesn't like being squished. DH and I cuddle every morning before I get out of bed and she always kicks him the entire time his arm is draped over her. So maybe if he squishes her she'll do the same thing :-) I wouldn't worry about it. Before you know it you'll be thinking "I wish this baby would stop kicking me for 5 minutes". I can understand the frustration.

LaDyBostonRN · July 2014

cmcookaln said:
I have had the same experience as well. I tell my DH that we already have a little brat. I will be sitting in the recliner and LO is going to town so I get up and go sit on the couch next to DH so he can feel and all movement stops. I get up and go back in the recliner, and it's the same thing all over again. LO will even stop when I put my hand on my belly. I want to see what it feels like from the outside (not just the inside), but LO stops as soon as I place my hand on my belly. So frustrating. I'm sorry that you feel like your DH is unattached. I can't imagine what that must feel like since my DH has been excited and totally involved since the beginning.

@‌cmcookaln thanks for your reply! Just as a disclosure ... DH is not "unattached", it's that he is not as connected with the baby as I am, which, as I mentioned, seems normal for someone who isn't actually carrying a baby. I am an OB nurse and I just went to a conference on how there have been studies that show that oxytocin is also produced during delivery by the father which plays a big part in their firs real connection. But he is EXTREMELY excited and has been more than involved in my midwife visits (he goes to every one!), baby registry, painting and decorating the nursery etc. Did not want people to make the assumption that he is unattached it not excited.
:x

LaDyBostonRN · July 2014

MrsBabe614 said:
I have a friend that is a month ahead of me (exactly) and she said the exact same thing that you did. LO's been doing it to me a lot lately, I'll feel her kicking away and touch my belly and she stops. Stubborn baby! I've noticed she doesn't like being squished. DH and I cuddle every morning before I get out of bed and she always kicks him the entire time his arm is draped over her. So maybe if he squishes her she'll do the same thing :-) I wouldn't worry about it. Before you know it you'll be thinking "I wish this baby would stop kicking me for 5 minutes". I can understand the frustration.

Thing is, I AM saying this already! He kicks NONSTOP. Until DH's hand is there.

(

LaDyBostonRN · July 2014

All these posts make me feel so much better! I'm glad I'm not the only one!!!! I'm going to try everyone's "tricks" im especially the juice/water trick ;-)

bumpuser10309732 · July 2014

LaDyBostonRN said:

I have a friend that is a month ahead of me (exactly) and she said the exact same thing that you did. LO's been doing it to me a lot lately, I'll feel her kicking away and touch my belly and she stops. Stubborn baby! I've noticed she doesn't like being squished. DH and I cuddle every morning before I get out of bed and she always kicks him the entire time his arm is draped over her. So maybe if he squishes her she'll do the same thing :-) I wouldn't worry about it. Before you know it you'll be thinking "I wish this baby would stop kicking me for 5 minutes". I can understand the frustration.
Thing is, I AM saying this already! He kicks NONSTOP. Until DH's hand is there. ( (

He should definitely try "squishing" her then ;-)

Glas43 · July 2014

This had been the case for us too. My DH has felt kicks and when baby is rock 'n rolling there ans yoi can see it if i put a hand on my belly baby keeps going nut if DH does baby stopa! We laugh about it. This was un until last night. You could see a protruding spot on my belly and DH put his hand there and baby started moving all over the place. DH smiled ao big he loved it. Baby always gets active when DH is talking. I just say DH will have the calming touch when baby is here.

DH and i have talked and he doesnt really feel that he is a dad until baby gets here. Unlike me who has this constant kicking reminder that im a mom. Dont get me wrong DH is uber excited about being a dad as hes going to be a stay at home dad!

ladybug0088 · July 2014

I can get her really wiggling when DH has cold hands. She goes crazy. If they are room temperature or warmer she ignores him, but if he has just washed his hands and they are slightly cold she just goes crazy.

She doesn't really like when he talks to her either, but she loves when he sings. I think it creeps her out to have people talking to her because even if I try talking to her she gets really still.

lrobi13 · July 2014

LaDyBostonRN said:

I have a friend that is a month ahead of me (exactly) and she said the exact same thing that you did. LO's been doing it to me a lot lately, I'll feel her kicking away and touch my belly and she stops. Stubborn baby! I've noticed she doesn't like being squished. DH and I cuddle every morning before I get out of bed and she always kicks him the entire time his arm is draped over her. So maybe if he squishes her she'll do the same thing :-) I wouldn't worry about it. Before you know it you'll be thinking "I wish this baby would stop kicking me for 5 minutes". I can understand the frustration.
Thing is, I AM saying this already! He kicks NONSTOP. Until DH's hand is there. ( (

Stage freight!! DH hasn't felt this guy move too much either. He doesn't move too much with other people touch my belly.

Roseypants · July 2014

This has happened with both of my pregnancies. I feel like DH gets super annoyed when I ask him to feel now. I just don't even bother with it anymore..

vrj0522 · July 2014

You are pretty much describing us. DH is not very involved, neither was he with DS, but DS is his world now and I know this baby will be too. It's normal... some men are just like that. As far as movement, DH has felt her kick 3 times and it was one kick each time. She stops whenever he puts his hand on my tummy. I remember DS did the same but at some point they get so big that they can't really get away from the hand. Give it a few more weeks and your DH will definitely be able to feel your LO (and even see him).

andrieya · July 2014

@LaDyBostonRN‌ yes yes and yes! Same experience w a dog too. We adopted a pup three years ago when I told him not having one was a deal breaker for me. --I grew up w pets and he thought he hated dogs because he was bitten by the same one twice as a kid. Now it's always "bugsy! You're my best friend! You're such a good dog! You are so cute!" Etc. he loves our little guy! With baby, she never kicks when his hand is there! So annoying! I wondered, in general, about his not wanting to feel it more. I feel like if weren't the one carrying I'd be more hands on, but who knows?

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