When you and partner don't agree...

mommy5point0 · July 2014

on something major, how do you decide? I'm talking issues that are black and white, one or the other decisions. How do you compromise?

It can be a name one of you loves and the other hates, whether or not to baptize, etc?

I'm refraining from sharing what DH and I are in serious disagreement are about as I don't want to start a debate here--much less to start the first thread about this debate--I'm just completely at a loss because both of us have very strong feelings about it.

WanderingA · July 2014

I'm not going to be much help because I don't think we've ever had a disagreement that was something that we could not compromise on or just agree to disagree on. I hope you find a resolution soon though, I hate the stress of fighting with my husband!

firelizard83 · July 2014

I always feel that it is at least important in these situations to fully understand where they stand and why. This can help put your feelings in perspective. Example: I am not religious, hubby sort of is. He wants to baptise, I don't support it, but don't see the harm in it. By all means sprinkle some water on them. They will form their own opinions later.

junebugjam · July 2014

For some reason I feel like the disagreement is about circumcision, just because of your desire to avoid a debate. I could be wrong.

Either way, do some research on the issue together, weigh the pros and cons, speak to someone who is impartial. One of you is going to have to bend, so you need to both set stubbornness aside and be willing to see the other's point of view, even if you think you disagree with it. You will make the decision somehow because in the end, you have to.

aggiebug · July 2014

If we disagree then my say goes ;-). Obviously kidding.

I can't say we have opposed each other so strongly that we couldn't come to an agreement. I agree with pp listen to the others reasons for their view and explain yours. It can help. And if need be ask a knowledgeable and neutral 3rd party for their advice.

mommy5point0 · July 2014

@junebugjam‌ , you're smart... ;-)

Mommy2CB · July 2014

We've typically agreed with stuff in the past though with this baby (#3) I want to be Team Green and he will only do that if I agree to the name he wants (which I don't really like. It's unisex and I'd be OK with it as a boy name but we had a girl name picked out for YEARS that I just can't imagine not using). So this has been the hardest thing for us.

I will probably cave and find out if it's a boy or girl just so I have a say in the name, but I really wish he would just be Team Green.

GL!

AnotherSun · July 2014

Shelf it. Come back to it later when hormones die down a bit (and when you find out if you even need to worry about it) my husband and I disagree on the subject of circumcision and did all the way through but I gave in as I don't have a penis

stefani103 · July 2014

I would give it time and do your research while you wait, especially now we know the issue (which is more helpful).

The hubs and I disagree on a boy name (we like each other's name choices, but disagree on which should be first and which should be middle). But since we won't know if it's even an issue until later, we're not even debating.

mommy5point0 · July 2014

AnotherSun said:
Shelf it. Come back to it later when hormones die down a bit (and when you find out if you even need to worry about it) my husband and I disagree on the subject of circumcision and did all the way through but I gave in as I don't have a penis

This has been a discussion since right before we were TTC; I had no idea he felt so strongly. We just found out last night -- this WILL be an issue. We are having a boy.

annagrya · July 2014

We pray about things together. If you're the praying type, I think it really helps.

maltwin1 · July 2014

I agree with the PP that the very best thing you can do is really try to is see the situation from your partners point of view and he commits to do the same. After that, take an objective look at whether or not one person has more information than the other. Example: if DH and I disagreed on whether or not DS should be allowed to play little league football at an early age. I don't see the harm in it, but DH played and I didn't, so if he's worried about health and safety risks I'm going to defer to him because he has first hand experience and I don't.

Beyond that you just have to commit that loving each other is more important than any one issue. Maybe one of you has to agree to let the other person have this one and you get the next one. Not a great solution, but sometimes someone has to settle.

missnicoleo · July 2014

If you really truly cannot come to an agreement I saw flip a coin and let fate decide.

lilrubberduckie · July 2014

This is so tough. Its a huge life altering choice for your baby. I say both do your research and be open to changing your mind. As one of you will have to. From there you just have to find what is right for your family.

Eta: if you cant come to an agreement. Why not wait till you do. You cant undo it if you change your mind.

chicagojackie · July 2014

We give it time until we can have a respectful decision where we don't get even more stressed at each other.

krispy83 · July 2014

I agree with the suggestions of talking about your reasons, do your research and have a calm discussion about it. Try to see each other's point of view as much as possible. And don't be afraid to come back to it in a little while, once you've both had some time to think about it.

ems0523 · July 2014

Personally, we love paper, rock, scissors.

I know that's not much help but i cant think of anything really trivial where we have had completely different viewpoints. I would probably sit down together and make a list of pros and cons.

Good luck in whatever decision you make.

mommy510 · July 2014

We do a pros and cons list. Also, in most decisions, one of us has more of a say in it than the other.
For example, when DH quit his job to focus on his business, that had a huge impact on both of us. But, it affected him more than it did me because it was his career. (We didn't have an argument about it, but it was a lengthy discussion and not something that we agreed on at first.)
As far as babies and children, I usually have more of a say in matters like diet and discipline because I spend more time caring for the kids than DH does. Circumcision is one area that I let DH have his way with because I don't have a penis.
If it is more of a black and white issue, we don't do anything that can't be undone until we agree.

Mrsgclark81 · July 2014

My husband thinks that it is okay for little boys to have an earing in their ear. I on the other hand will not allow it. There is no comprimise on this with me...not having it!

mommy5point0 · July 2014

Mrsgclark81 said:
My husband thinks that it is okay for little boys to have an earing in their ear. I on the other hand will not allow it. There is no comprimise on this with me...not having it!

I would have a hard time agreeing to that also!

hillarylo · July 2014

I agree. We were laying in bed looking at names and everything he likes I hate! And when we were looking at nursery stuff we have a complete opposite ideas. This is going to be a battle I can already tell! Haha.

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