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worried...

Mrs.JohnsonMrs.Johnson member
in Adoption

We got a call from our agency the other day and our contact person told us that our birthmom missed her doctor's appointment.  I am starting to worry about the baby.  She's only been to the doctor once (Nov. 3) just to hear the heartbeat.  She's almost 18 weeks and I was really hoping they would do a sonogram to check the baby's growth and gender.

This is so hard.  If I was PG I know I would put the baby's health first and sometimes she just does whatever she wants to do.  I just want the baby to be healthy and I don't even know if she is taking prenatal vitamins or if she's still smoking and doing drugs. UGHHH!  Why does this have to be so hard?

Thanks for letting me ventConfused

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Re: worried...

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    Honeydew1894Honeydew1894
    Oh no...I am keeping my fingers crossed that the BM gets her act together!
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    Amy720Amy720

    I know how worried you can be.  When we were matched with a birth mother a few years ago, we were also matched when she was only 3 months pregnant.  We worried all the time about how she was taking care of herself. (this adoption didn't work out).

    When we adopted Ben, we were told that the birth mother didn't go to the doctor even once during her pregnancy.  She also smoked and did drugs and drank early in her pregnancy.  Well, Ben was a whopping 8.7 lbs.  He was so healthy and strong.  He hit all his milestones early from the very beginning.  He crawled early, walked early, started talking early.

    I'm just telling you this to try to help you not be quite so worried.  Babies turn out fine, even if their birth moms don't do everything we would do if it was our bio baby.

    I hope everything turns out fine, and she's just a little behind in her appts.

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    Mrs.JohnsonMrs.Johnson member
    Thanks girls.  I know its probably not that big a deal, but I feel so helpless.  I keep worrying that the baby will be small or have learning disabilities because of the drugs.  My DH says I am already a mother because I worry like one!  The lady at our agency said she is going to talk to the birthmom and get her to go to the doctor.  She also said she would try to get a copy of the sonogram if there is one.  Our birthmom's life seems to be full of drama, which I don't deal with well.  I am going to take a chill pill and try to enjoy New Year's Eve without worrying if she is out drinking and doing drugs tonight.
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    Married3.22.03Married3.22.03

    (((hugs))), Mrs.J.  It's rough to feel like a situation is completely out of your control, huh?

    I'm sorry this e-mom is missing out on important medical care for herself and her baby.  There could be a number of reasons why.  I know our DD's mom had such issues with her insurance being dropped, and even having dr.'s cancel appts FOR her, even though she'd been waiting in the lobby for three hours!  Confused

    For some e-moms, prenatal care is just a painful reminder of what is going on in their body and what will soon be happening.  NOT that it's right, of course!  But it's a way some "detach" from their baby and put up emotional guards.

    Just another word of "testimony" that it is completely possible to have a 100% healthy, happy, normal baby, even w/o prenatal care.  I know how you feel about wishing you could be the one PG so you could be in control and making the best choices you know how!  But hang in there... it will all be ok.  Take some deep breaths and eat some chocolate.  Wink

    Praying that e-mom and baby get the care that they need!

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