Missed Milestones of a Working Mom

kare_bear_12 · July 2014

I am at work crying at my desk. I just got a text from DH saying that Hudson sat up. DH kept Hudson home today because its raining and DH is a roofer. He will occasionally do this. My heart is broken because I missed it. I know that I will have alot of other milestones and have been apart of alot of them already, but this is the first one I have missed. So exciting and painfull at the same time. He sent me a picture too. Just glad DH could be there and not while he was at daycare.

angelsnight · July 2014

I'm sorry, it sucks to miss milestones. My SIL suggested that my dad, who watches her, not tell me when she does something first so if she did it with me I would think it was the first. Well, a couple weeks ago sh excitedly told me she belly laughed and I was outside and didn't hear it. Hmm, thanks.

My dad also agreed to not tell me things but he does it often. I chalk it up to being so proud of their granddaughter/niece they just can't hold it in, and THAT makes me happy to know how many people love her and are proud of her. But in her baby book, I counted the first time I heard her belly laugh as her first time....I figure if I didn't hear it, then it didn't happen.

ProudMommy030614 · July 2014

Everyone already said what I was going to say but hugs

YankeePeach08 · July 2014

So sorry you missed it. When Ds1 was in DC I asked them to not tell me if he did anything big/milestone.

kimberpoo · July 2014

bennieangel put it. I'll try to think of it that way!

Imagining missing big milestones because I have to work makes me SO. UNBEARABLY. SAD.

BerryBaguette · July 2014

I'm sorry. That is so frustrating. But on the bright side, hurray for sitting up! You're going to have so much fun together playing around in new ways!

fish8412 · July 2014

bunnyfungo said:
I try to remember that even when I was a SAHM I still missed milestones. DH fed her solids while I was napping. She rolled over while I was putting laundry in and I came back and she was on her tummy. And DH usually had to miss things because he was working and I was not.

I know it's no consolation now, but there are so many firsts that years from now you won't even remember what you missed!

This exactly.

pepperedmoth · July 2014

Hmm. As another working mom, I don't feel like this AT ALL, and I'm trying to parse out why, in case it is helpful for you.

First of all I agree with others that I care much less about the actual first and much more about the first time *I* get to see it. There's no diminishment for me in missing the First.

My mind isn't big on "firsts" in general. I think about all the skills I've mastered and inevitably what I remember with pleasure and excitement isn't the specific "first" --- like my first successful time with a stick-shift, or my first time using a stethoscope or whatever --- but the *process* of learning to do it. So that's what I love watching in Arthur. I missed his first roll (actually while I was still home with him --- my back was turned!) but that didn't bother me at all because what was so fun and exciting to me was watching all of his practicing, before and after the First.

Another thing that may or may not apply to you is that I honestly love my work and have no interest in giving it up. So I don't feel like I'm losing out by being there. I feel like I'm making reasonable sacrifices to pursue what I love.

And last but not least, when I think back over the sweetest memories of the last four months, almost none of them are Firsts (except for the first time I saw him and touched him and held him....but that was MY first, not his!). My happy thoughts are moments we shared cuddling or reading or laughing together.....I barely remember most of the Firsts that I am "supposed " to care about.

The Firsts I DO remember are quirky ones --- first thunderstorm, first Quaker meeting, first yawn, first mosquito bite! I can't predict which Firsts are going to feel special and which will feel mundane. Even if I HAD seen his first roll, there's no guarantee it would have been a favorite memory!

I also agree that there are so many Firsts that most individual ones will be lost in the rush. I'm excited for his first mud puddle, first rainbow, first blueberry, and first finger painting, but I am OK knowing that I'll be there for some but not for others.

Maybe pick out some Firsts that you can definitely plan to share with your LO. I want to be there for Arthur's first apple orchard, his first dip in the ocean, his first picnic, and his first time boarding the school bus. These are things that are relatively easy to plan for and that I can make an event of.

I'm sorry you're feeling sad! I hope you feel better soon!

wearallthebabies · July 2014

First, let me say I am so sorry that you missed something you wanted to be there for As a working mom, I understand it can be very hard some days and the emotions can be overwhelming!

However, I agree with everything @pepperedmoth said. I also don't feel like I am missing anything while at work and I truly love my job and what I do. Although LO has done a ton of "firsts" at DC, it hasn't made me sad once. I think that is only because of the outlook I have on it, which is that the first time he does it with me is JUST as special While he will do many things at DC or with DH before I get to see them, my memories of the first time I am with him when he does it are not any less diminished because it isn't technically the "first" time he did it. It is his first time showing mommy

botbot · July 2014

I think this is a testament to your relationship with your daycare.

With DS1- he took his first steps for the nanny. She told me and I cried all night. I vented about it here, and many told me that she was wrong to tell me. A month or so later, I had to let her go (for unrelated reasons) and we found another nanny. One evening, I watched my son run across the entire room (for the first time) and told the new nanny the next day. She smiled an enjoyed my excitement with me. I never heard if he had done it for her, and daily updates from her would be mostly on what he had eaten and naps and such. I really appreciated that about her.

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