Any advice??? 10 months trying

Bfrisch12 · July 2014

HELP!!! I'm stating to get discouraged because we are 10 almost 11 months trying for kids. My husband hated when I charted or took my temperature so I chart when I ovulate in secret because of TTC but also charting my periods because once upon a time I would sometimes get 2 in a month. However, I don't know when it's to soon to see someone about checking on my fertility. Everyone says to relax and let it happen naturally, but I know sometimes just getting the piece of mind by seeing a doctor helps. I guess I'm looking for some words of encouragement and advice or even some tips. Thank you everyone!

Pintobean39 · July 2014

The recommended time to see a RE is after 1 yr of trying for anyone under 35.

You say you are tracking ovulation in secret .... Are you taking your temp or using OPK's? Personally I'd try everything I could as far as charting goes to make sure you are hitting the best days before seeing an RE. Going to see an RE was a huge step for us. Not only was everything OOP and we spent thousands just the first month but it's emotionally draining.

Good luck!

bravegrace22 · July 2014

My DH was weird about me charting/temping earlier on too. I've always kept track of my AF just so i knew when to expect it, so that wasn't a big deal, but it took him much longer (prob not until about a month ago) to really realize that we needed to start taking some extra measures. Seeing my OBGYN was a big help with that, because it was a dr telling me to do these things instead of what he suspected as me overreacting. If you are under 35, and def are in you are older, I think you are close enough to the year mark to make an appointment and at least get the conversation started with either OB or RE . i agree with pp that you should try to chart your entire cycle to really have a better idea of what's happening when. Good luck!!

BunnyBerry · July 2014

I'm sorry you're struggling with TTC. It makes sense to start anticipating testing and treatment when you've tried for 10 months. I agree with PP that this is a great time to contact an RE. I would recommend skipping a few months with an OB, since if you do reach 12 months of TTC (regular intercourse, whether or not you timed it flawlessly with charting) without pregnancy, then you have met the criteria for infertility.

As far as YH...perhaps letting him know that 12 months indicates infertility, and that fully charted cycles (preferably 2-3) can save time and money by providing very important information.

Perhaps also let YH know that charting fully can prevent the need to see an expensive, invasive RE if you find you've been really off in timing TTC...instead the two of you can try timed intercourse at least a few more cycles on your own. I don't know how your experience has been, but if, for example, you find out you actually O really early and have a longer luteal phase, then you may have started regular babydancing too late in many of those cycles; or the alternative, if your luteal phase turns out to be quite short, you may have stopped too early, and/or had unknown trouble with implantation.

Once you've seen a good complete picture of your cycles, and if they tend to be regular, you can get away with starting to temp later and stopping once you've had a clear thermal shift (I usually temp CD12 - CD23 or so because after almost 6 years of charting, I've always O'ed in that window). I would consider adding OPKs (the cheap ones work fine), and just keep an eye on cervical mucous when you wipe perhaps, to get a stronger clue that the temps are accurate.

I hope that either you get that BFP in the next couple months, or you discover through charting that you and YH can make a big different through the timing of intercourse!

But if not, know that we will be happy to be here for support and experience if you and YH choose to begin testing. Know, too, that's it's a personal choice - even after 12 months TTC, of those who did not yet get pregnant already, over 1/3 will get pregnant naturally in the second or third year.

LindseyM2012 · July 2014

I agree with @BunnyBerry‌ and others. Charting your whole cycle is so important. If you haven't charted the whole cycle a few times, you can't confidently say you're ovulating at the same time every month or at all. Especially if you get two periods in one month's time. To me, that alone indicates at least some irregularly.

10 months trying is so close to the 1 year mark that I would just go ahead start diligently charting and make an appointment with an RE. If it takes you a little while to get in (I consider myself lucky that I only had to wait 3 weeks for a consult) you'll be just around the one year mark. Or if you're confident that your ob/gyn is smart and trustworthy (i.e won't start you on medications without monitoring your responses) then you could start a conversation with her/him about fertility. Again, I consider myself lucky that my ob/gyn ran a lot of diagnostic tests and figured out what the issue was and referred me to an RE when she realized treatment would be beyond her scope.

As far as your husband is concerned, explaining why you're charting may decrease his weirdness about it. And like a PP said, if he knows that you're charting to make sure your body is doing what it's supposed to be doing he probably won't think you're over reacting. My husband did not know much at all about this stuff before we realized there was a problem. I don't go into detail with him about everything. Just enough so he knows there is a reason for all this stuff and that it is a big deal.

Sorry to go on and on, but I hope this helps. I'm sorry you're not having success, but welcome to the community.

WishUponAChild · July 2014

Fightersince83 said:

Do you think there were 2 true periods or do you think the mid cycle bleeding could be O bleeding?

What is O bleeding... I think I have had that but never heard of it.

kwest80 · July 2014

Have you ever tried preseed? We used it after a few months of bfn and got a bfp first try.

Pintobean39 · July 2014

kwest80 said:
Have you ever tried preseed? We used it after a few months of bfn and got a bfp first try.

Preseed isn't a treatment for IF, it won't get you pregnant. It's just a sperm friendly lube if you happen to need one.

LindseyM2012 · July 2014

kwest80 said:
Have you ever tried preseed? We used it after a few months of bfn and got a bfp first try.

I'm sorry but this is not helpful for those struggling with IF issues.

WishUponAChild · July 2014

kwest80 said:

Have you ever tried preseed? We used it after a few months of bfn and got a bfp first try.

Holy smokes! is that all I needed to do? *sarcasm

I got 99 problems, and lube just ain't one...

Please know where you are posting.

Chasity08 · July 2014

WishUponAChild said:

kwest80 said:

Have you ever tried preseed? We used it after a few months of bfn and got a bfp first try.

Holy smokes! is that all I needed to do? *sarcasm

I got 99 problems, and lube just ain't one...

Please know where you are posting.

*snort* I'm dyiiiing right now from this one. LOL!

BunnyBerry · July 2014

O bleeding is some light spotting (usually just a tinge of color or a drop or two) experience sometime just before, during, or after ovulation, that can be caused by the maturing follicles rupturing. To have enough bleeding to consider it a period, though, it sounds like you may have had some breakthrough bleeding, which could just be a fluke or could indicate a hormone issue.

WishUponAChild · July 2014

@bunnyberry thanks!

cupcake122 · July 2014

I second @BunnyBerry‌s advice. Chart your whole cycle for a few months and double check that you are hitting your fw. Then, if you've been doing it correctly and still nothing, make an appt for an RE bc it will have been a year of trying. It's a tough step to take, but I've found that my RE is much more knowledgable than an obgyn.

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