Working conundrum - would love some advice!

BabyCarryingVessel · July 2014

Hi girls, I feel like I'm coming to a crossroads with my job and I'm gathering as much information as I can before making any rash decisions. My hubby told me this morning to ask my "bump" friends for opinions! Haha! So here's my situation... I have an M.S. degree in Agriculture Business and Economics, so it's sort of limiting. You could say it's just a business degree with an emphasis in agriculture. I live in an area where there aren't many career opportunities and I'm married to a farmer, so we are tied to our location and moving isn't an option. I've been with my job for six years and I love this job! Great pay, good insurance, flexible hours, doing what I went to school for, etc. But there's one problem... my commute is 90 miles, ONE WAY. I spend anywhere from 15 to 20 hours in the car per week. Plus this is the type of work where there's lots of travel involved, so I'm away on business a lot. I do a lot of evening programs so there may be two or three nights a week where I get home around 10:30 or later. Like I said, this organization is flexible as can be and I can work from home some, but I'm expected to have a presence in my office. I could do this job forever if only it were closer. Seriously I love this work.

So lately I've been having these thoughts about becoming a SAH. On one hand I would be seriously heartbroken to leave this all behind. The income, insurance, retirement security and just the feeling of a rewarding career. But on the other I just can't mentally handle the commute anymore. Originally when I took the job I thought it'd be a bridge to something else closer to home and in six years I haven't found anything! I could possibly apply to local banks and start at the bottom and see if there's room for advancement. I could also teach at a local junior college if they have openings for temporary instructors. There's things that I *could* do, but they wouldn't be nearly as rewarding as what I do now.

In terms of safety, I've seen so many wrecks and had several close calls myself. I have ran two cars completely into the ground by driving 40,000+ miles per year. At the end of the day I'm going to do what's right for my family, just not sure quitting is the right thing. I have admitted several times here that I don't have what it takes to SAH. We could make ends meet and still save a little on husband's income, but I would really have to work hard to manage our resources. O12 bump girls, what would you do if you were in my situation?

Sillygirl85 · July 2014

I think you really need to figure out how often you could telecommute. If you could do that 3 days a week I think it would help to cut down on the driving burden for you. I would tell your employer that you are feeling like the commute is an issue for you and see if they are willing to work with you on that.

scrumpfy · July 2014

I also would have a hard time leaving a job that seems so great. I second the idea of talking to your superior and see what they can do to work with you. If you've been there that long and do a good job, Id think they'd like to try and keep a valued employee.

wesleycrusher · July 2014

I agree to first talk to your employer, like PPs have said. Some other thoughts, maybe you've already taken these things into consideration, but if you haven't (I don't expect answers to these but things to think about:)

You say you'll have some money left over. Do you have a budget set up now that you use so you can really truly know this? You'd save money on gas and wear on cars and of course daycare- but your health insurance premiums will go up- have you looked into the cost of that? Can you still contribute to a retirement fund? an education fund for the girls (if you're doing that)? If you say your budget will be tight, is there still money for extras? Are you going to put the girls in any activities- gym classes, music classes, dance classes- all cost money. Just be fully aware of your financials and don't lie to yourself.

If you left, how feasible is it that you would teach? That would at least keep your foot in the door in the field you're in. Is your field one where you'd be able to leave for a few years and go back? Or if you do leave and have a hard time SAH/need some money, are you really willing to work at a bank or other part time job. It may seem like a good back-up idea in your head, but are you really committed to doing that if the need the arises?

Another thing to think about if you don't think SAH is right for you- I think it's a lot harder to SAH (at least for me) during the winter (although that is probably a hard time to commute, too) Being cooped up inside sucks. Getting out of the house is harder and many of the indoor things to do cost money (museums, play places, classes). You may find your self want to just get out of the house, so you go to a store and you really have to be able to control your purchasing (I know you've said you love to buy clothes).

Sorry so long, but maybe some of these would help you . Good luck!

CnAnA · July 2014

I have no help, just offering good luck!

BabyCarryingVessel · July 2014

Thanks for your responses! You've given me a lot to think about. I work for the university extension service so working with people is a big part of my job. Our office also gets a lot of walk ins. Technically my salary is paid by taxpayer money, so working from home is frowned upon. I wish administration could work with me... I get outstanding remarks on my annual evaluations but a county council owns my position and they would never let the position move to another county, so that leaves me waiting for a similar position to open closer to me. I have voiced my needs many times to no avail. It's hard not to take it personally but really it's nothing personal. administrators look at positions and not people. I know I'm doing so much for my daughters by working right now and that's why this decision is killing me! I'm working on my exit strategy which may be a year or two or three from now. Maybe an opportunity will present itself, but if not I can work a little on the farm and at least it would be a resume filler. Thanks again for all your thoughtful responses!

BabyCarryingVessel · July 2014

@wesleycrusher! I was wondering if someone would say something about my ridiculous spending on girl clothes!

That would have to stop for sure!

BabyCarryingVessel · July 2014

CK2MD said:

I agree with all PPs who suggested you talk to your employers. If they knew that you were seriously considering leaving and were looking for a way to make the job work, then maybe they'd be willing to come up with a compromise.

In the job where I was until last September, I had an hour commute each way (longer with traffic or weather) and worked some evenings and weekends. I remember crying one night while sitting in traffic, thinking that I would spend more time in my car than with my baby that day. I spoke to my boss, who agreed with adjusting my schedule a bit (taking one weekday off instead of getting bonus pay for weekend work), since there was no way, as a physician, that I can work from home. It ended up not making enough of a difference for me, and I found another job. It was tough, because I liked my previous job and loved my coworkers; and I moved to a job with a shorter commute, shorter hours, but in a bad working environment. However, I did this knowing that we were moving out of state this summer, so the new job would only be temporary.

I know you said that moving is not an option because of YH's work. This was the same for me, as MH was an Army officer at the time. We made a deal that when he was done with his service commitment, our commutes and job situations would be at least equal (or maybe even weighted toward me, because of previous inequity and the fact that I make more money than he does). All this to ask you to consider whether moving is impossible, or just inconvenient. Who makes more money? Whose job has the benefits? You said the family could survive on YH's salary alone: what about your salary alone? Would it be impossible for YH to farm if the family lived closer to your job? I ask this because the only way my commute was bearable was knowing that it was temporary.

Yep, I've thought the moving thing to death. Husband brings home about 20% more than me, but I carry the insurance so we're actually close to equal. There's a few reasons why I think moving isn't an option... mil is a huge help and she lives next door, higher education budgets are getting cut so I may get a pink slip one of these days, and we really like our school district.

Ziegeficker · July 2014

I'm of no help either, but I'm with @CnAnA‌ in just wanting to wish you good luck! Tough choice!

scrumpfy · July 2014

One other idea- what's your vacation time like? One of my friends worked in my dept but a different position and wasn't allowed a flexible schedule/day off. But we get a ton of PTO and can carry some year to year. So basically for a few years, every spring she would turn in a vacation request for every single Friday June-September, and she got her long weekends and time with her girls that way.

BabyCarryingVessel · July 2014

That would probably work @scrumpfy! I usually just take a day here or there when I'm starting to feel frustrated but I like that Friday idea! Summer is my slow time so it would work.

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Working conundrum - would love some advice!

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