Sleep tips, where to start?

littledaisies · July 2014

I have a 14 month old son that doesn't STTN or anywhere close to it. He goes to sleep anywhere between 7:30-8:30 in his crib. He either nurses to sleep or we rock him to sleep. He fights every minute of it but once he's asleep we move him in his crib. Sometimes he wakes up an hour later and other times a few hours later but he always wakes in the middle night (12-2am) and then comes in our bed. For a long time that setup worked for us but now that he's older we aren't co-sleeping comfortably anymore. I have a feeling he's not comfortable either.

I want to work on him staying in his crib through the night. I've read many sleep books but I feel like it's information overload. There are so many tips I don't know where to start. I was thinking of working on getting him to fall asleep in his crib on his own. I've tried this before and it was a disaster but I'm willing to work on it again. I was thinking of either nursing him or rocking him until he's drowsy or almost asleep then placing him in his crib. Of course according to the books I've read, the baby should slowly drift off but that's not the case with us. The second our son hit his cribs, total freak out. He will immediately stand and start screaming. My question is, what should I do? How long should I let him scream like this? Should I be firm and just keep ssshhing him and hope he will fall asleep?

bawags · July 2014

We went through something very similar with our DD. At almost 18months we now have her STTN most nights in her own crib after 17 months of nursing to sleep, co sleeping/bed sharing and nursing every 2 hours all night long. It seemed like it would never end and all people told us to do was let her cry it out. We were not comfortable with that at all so we tried a different approach. We read her the book "Nursies When the Sun Shines" for a few days and talked about how day time is for being awake and nursing and that mommy and her "nursies" need to rest when it is dark. We started our bedtime routine earlier and made sure to emphasize that it was getting dark and soon mommy and the nursies would have to go to sleep. So we would give her a bath, let her nurse and the lay her in the crib. I would stay with her and sing to her until she was calm and leave her in the crib mostly awake. I would tell her I was going to bed and if she cried that daddy would come because mommy and the nursies would be asleep. She put up a fuss the first few nights when my husband came when she cried instead of me. She started to accept it after about 4 nights and was content for him to come in, give her a pacifier or small stuffed animal and tell her to put her head down. He would stay until she was mostly asleep and then come back to bed. We also practiced putting her baby dolls and other toys to sleep during the day. Now she has STTN 4 nights in a row and gets so excited when she wakes and it is not dark so she can have her "nursies" with mommy. Hang in there. I think our method only worked because she was developmentally ready and was able to understand somewhat what we were explaining to her about day vs. night. Good luck!

ashiscute · July 2014

I agree with PP about reading Ferber's Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems. It has tons of good information about sleep habits, bad associations, etc. Your LO is waking up crying because he's in his crib and not in your arms. His sleep will improve dramatically if he falls asleep in his crib so that when he wakes up he knows how he got there.

Ferber's method has been very effective for our LOs but you can choose any method you want. Ferber's method will involve tears (I'm not sure how to get around that) but you go in every couple minutes to comfort them. CIO is such a vague term that really just means you are changing your LOs sleep habits and they will cry because that's not what they want. Just be consistent and your LO will get it.

littledaisies · July 2014

Thanks everyone! I've tried the Ferber Method and did not have any success. My LO cries almost to the point of vomiting. I've tried it at different times and it never works. It doesn't seem to work for us.

I'm going to try to get him to fall asleep in his crib not in my arms or nursing. I really think this is the issue. I'm hoping we will only have a few days of screaming!

Crequito · July 2014

I read The No Cry Sleep Solution first and tried to implement it - it worked pretty well (this was at 6 months). Then around 9 months we went through a really awful sleep interruption. DH and I decided it was time to try CIO and while the first couple of nights were really hard, it then got easier. It takes repetition and patience. Read Ferber's book or research online. I've set myself a limit, even now at 15 months, I won't let DD go more than 15 minutes. One thing I took from No Cry that I still use is recognizing her sleep cues. I now start saying "are you ready to go to bed with baby?" when she seems sleepy. Baby is her stuffed doll that is only for the crib that she loves. Make a routine and stick to it. DD loves bath time. and we cuddle at night while she drinks some milk or water from a sippy. More often than not she gets off my lap and heads towards the stairs because she wants to go to bed. This took a lot of work though and there were nights that I felt awful for letting her cry herself to sleep but she still woke up a happy baby so I got stronger and she cried less. You can do it!!

huzzahuzza · July 2014

@littledaisies‌ you know from our bmb that we still have issues too but if I've learned anything it's that consistency is key. You say sometimes he gets rocked, sometimes he nurses, his bedtime is between 7:30-8:30. That's a pretty big time window. I suggest doing the exact same thing every night for awhile so he knows what's goin down.

littledaisies · July 2014

@huzzahuzza Since he's not the best napper during the day, his bedtime varies. I go by his behavior more than a time. Some days at daycare he only naps for 30 minutes. Those days he's in bed before 7pm. Other days he has two long naps so he's not ready for bed until 7:30/8:00. If I try to push sleep before he's sleepy or overtired, it never works.

huzzahuzza · July 2014

I hear your pain. I'm still struggling with naps and the MOTN wake ups over here. However, every night, no matter what naps he had, he goes in his bed at 8:00. Some nights, like tonight, I watch him on the monitor play for 45 minutes before he lays his head down and goes to sleep. Ironically that's the only thing we've been consistent on and that's the only thing he does really well. So I guess I really need to take my own advice

taraleanne · July 2014

Try the no cry sleep solution and yes I agree, putting LO to bed awake or drowsy. And definitely if his naps were bad, really early bedtime. Some days my LO is in bed and asleep by 6pm and he doesn't wake any earlier either! (or if he does, he puts himself back to sleep until I wake him at 7 (or earlier) so I can go to work. It will take a few weeks but you'll find a new routine in no time. When you are starting, you better start bedtime routine REALLY early to allow him to adjust. I know this sounds crazy but some days I've had to start winding him down at 530pm. But I tell ya, early bedtimes until night wakings, early morning wake ups and nap fighting is gone fixes everything! good luck!

youenjoymyself · July 2014

bawags said:
We went through something very similar with our DD. At almost 18months we now have her STTN most nights in her own crib after 17 months of nursing to sleep, co sleeping/bed sharing and nursing every 2 hours all night long. It seemed like it would never end and all people told us to do was let her cry it out. We were not comfortable with that at all so we tried a different approach. We read her the book "Nursies When the Sun Shines" for a few days and talked about how day time is for being awake and nursing and that mommy and her "nursies" need to rest when it is dark. We started our bedtime routine earlier and made sure to emphasize that it was getting dark and soon mommy and the nursies would have to go to sleep. So we would give her a bath, let her nurse and the lay her in the crib. I would stay with her and sing to her until she was calm and leave her in the crib mostly awake. I would tell her I was going to bed and if she cried that daddy would come because mommy and the nursies would be asleep. She put up a fuss the first few nights when my husband came when she cried instead of me. She started to accept it after about 4 nights and was content for him to come in, give her a pacifier or small stuffed animal and tell her to put her head down. He would stay until she was mostly asleep and then come back to bed. We also practiced putting her baby dolls and other toys to sleep during the day. Now she has STTN 4 nights in a row and gets so excited when she wakes and it is not dark so she can have her "nursies" with mommy. Hang in there. I think our method only worked because she was developmentally ready and was able to understand somewhat what we were explaining to her about day vs. night. Good luck!

Love this! My girl's 17 months, and I feel we're ready for a change. We bed share, and she nurses to sleep and throughout the night. It's nice to hear that a smooth transition to her own bed is possible. Thanks for sharing.

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