I'm being a pain - Justified?

dashofreality · July 2014

I'm asking for a favor but I'm being controlling. DH is deploying and the next day the kids and I are moving. Almost all of our stuff is in storage, but we still have the kids beds setup in their rooms. DH and I are on the floor. My parents are graciously coming down to help me the last two days. I am going to have to drop DH off at 3:00am. My mom is going to stay with the kids so that I don't have to drag them out in the middle of the night.

Now for where I'm being a pain - I asked my mom if she would sleep on an air mattress in our empty house that night, so that the kids can sleep in their beds. She wants to get a hotel room and have the kids stay with them at the hotel. In past experience, my kids (especially my daughter) don't do great in hotels/unfamiliar environments. I already feel that there is so much change for them that I don't want to make them stay in a hotel away from us, when they could stay in their beds. But I feel slightly bad asking for a favor and then making my mom sleep on the floor. Opinions?

welly01 · July 2014

Yeah, I would let them stay in a hotel. Wouldn't it also be better to have a little extra time to take down their beds?

I feel like in this situation everyone will already be stressed and emotional to the max, what's one more straw on the camels back?

dashofreality · July 2014

Well the beds aren't really an issue. We are down to the mattresses, which aren't coming with us, and their sheets, which are easy to toss in the car.

But I guess I will acknowledge that maybe I'm asking for too much.

Pips09 · July 2014

Eh, I'd let them go to the hotel. It's a special circumstance, and she's the one who's going to have to deal with them there (with your warning). They might see it as a special night with Grandma and do great. I don't think it's that big of a deal for one night.

ccam · July 2014

I'd warn her and then leave the decision up to her. She's doing you a favor so I guess I'd let her sleep where she wants to.

Mustardseed2007 · July 2014

I agree with warning her and leaving it up to her. If the evening sucks it will be hard on your kids but not scarring. It might scar your mom and she won't do that ever again, not that it will really come up.

ETA: My son sleeps terribly in hotel rooms also. He thinks it's fun until it's time for him to go to bed and then he just can't stay asleep and wakes up wailing. At least, that's what he's always done in the past.

jlaOK · July 2014

I also vote hotel. If you mom is willing to deal with their crankiness then let her. You'll be able to get so much more done with them out of the house.

Since it's harder for your DD can you do something to make the hotel experience seem even more fun? Maybe bring her favorite movie on a ipad or let her swim in the hotel pool?

jtmomma13 · July 2014

SandAndsSea said:

I'd let them. Hotels (especially with pools) can be fun for kids and if your mom is going to be caring for them overnight in this crabby state, let her. Make it more of a fun adventure for them rather than a hard transition. It's amazing how your attitude and outlook can affect theirs.

I was thinking something along the lines of this. You can also have them bring their own pillows and even sheets if that will help the sleep. I find that LO always sleeps better when things smell like home.

edit- :slaps hand on face: used the wrong form of their...

shannm · July 2014

You are not being a pain. Assuming your mom doesn't have severe health issues she should take one for the team and sleep at your place.

SunAndRain · July 2014

ccam said:

I'd warn her and then leave the decision up to her. She's doing you a favor so I guess I'd let her sleep where she wants to.

I would normally agree to letting her do what she wants BUT she is there specifically to help YOU so if what she is proposing isn't going to ultimately help you then I would negotiate. Maybe ask her to let you have your way this time and next time she visits she can party it up with the kids in the hotel.

Also, are you 100% sure that it wouldn't be easier for YOU if grandma and kids slept in the hotel and were out of your hair? I just know that sometimes when an option is presented to me that I hadn't previously considered, it can take me a while to warm up to the idea. And I might realize that it is better than my original plan after all.

dashofreality · July 2014

Well I guess if I'm going to ask opinions, I need to be willing to admit that maybe I am wrong I will at least give her an out, if she feels strongly about the hotel. I still think it will be easier on everyone except for my mom to stay at our house, but I won't push it.

bumpuser10331514 · July 2014

How about she takes your bed and you sleep in a hotel? Or on the air mattress?

Beevol · July 2014

If your mom is going to be on kid duty those 2 days, I say let her deal with the crabby/sleep deprived kids, at least she'll have gotten a good night's rest at the hotel. :P

As moms we are super focussed on our kids' well-being (which is good! that's what we're there for) but one or two bad nights of sleep during what will be a rough time for them anyway (moving + dad deploying) wont hurt them in the grand scheme of things. Plus depending on their ages, you can ask Grandma to make it an Adventure! She can order pizza and maybe the hotel has pool or something and at very least they can do a disney movie or something. Turn it into a treat.

VitaLuna · July 2014

Maybe I'm missing something, but I think it would be nice to have a few hours of just you and DH time if your mom took them to a hotel.

With that said, I certainly don't think you're being unreasonable asking her to stay at your house, but if she is dead set on the hotel, I wouldn't put up a fuss over it.

thedash · July 2014

I think you are right but you can't force someone to do a favor for you in a particular way. I know this all sucks but if she really refuses to stay at your house there isn't much you can do about it.

If my DH were leaving for the airport to deploy at 3:00 am I know he would want to spend a few minutes in their rooms watching them sleep before we left. I'd be mad that he couldn't do that. But again, you can't force her.

chloebeth930 · July 2014

I would have DH say his goodbyes in the evening and then make it be a fun experience for the kids to be staying in the hotel with grandma. Yes, it is a lot of change, and leaving for deployments are hard, but if you try to turn it into a special/fun time then it may be a bit easier on the kids.

This also gives you some kid fres time when you get home to rest and recover from saying goodbye. Not sure the type of deployment your DH is going on, but for my DH's the time was never never when they said. You probably wouldn't be getting home until the early hours of the morning and may enjoy having some piece to yourself.

73jewels · July 2014

SomebabiesMom said:

How about she takes your bed and you sleep in a hotel? Or on the air mattress?

This is exactly what I was going to say. My mom would not be confortable sleeping on an air mattress, so if it was important for my kids to have the continuity of staying in their beds (my son doesn't sleep well in a hotel either), I would sleep on the air mattress and give her my bed.

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