coworkers shopping party

lorist202 · July 2014

I started in my current job in Jan. and I was pregnant. I closely befriended another team member (our entire team started same day), and she even threw me a baby shower at work. We looked to each other for advice for work and private issues. She insisted that she would even be the first one at the hospital when my baby arrived. We joked about being "work wives".

The day DD was born, her promotion was announced, and needless to say, it prevented her from coming to see me. I was visited at home by other coworkers, but she never came. I never even heard from her after that. I often contacted her via cell phone and fb, and received no response. Finally, weeks later, she told me she no longer had a cell phone, even though I know that she did. Soon after that, she explained that she just learned that she is expecting, and has been very ill. She posts updates on fb often, and she is at the beach, or getting ice cream, or just reporting that she feels great. My coworkers all say that she has forgotten who she is since her promotion. I'm so disappointed.

Now she's having one of those "buy something" parties, and now she contacts me for the invite. I hate those parties, I'm not ready to leave my baby yet, and most importantly, why should I spend my valuable time and little money (still on LOA), on her party? But then, I'm torn BC she did throw me a shower and I feel like I owe her something. At the rate of our friendship, it doesn't appear that I'll be throwing her a reciprocal shower. So should I just buy a stupid product and skip the party?

shannm · July 2014

I am sorry that this happened but I wouldn't feel obligated to go to the party (if she was promoted, why is she having this kind of party) and I would not buy anything either. Tacky.

welly01 · July 2014

I would not go or buy anything. If you are feeling like you need to reciprocate, then send her a gift for the baby.

BabyHope2013 · July 2014

I would not go or buy anything. You don't owe her anything---especially if it is not something that you won't use. I personally cannot stand when I get invited to those things. I would much rather spend any disposable income on something for DS or that I actually would want/use myself.

I would make another personal effort to reach out and see if she wants to get together another day. Perhaps invite her over to meet your LO. If she declines or puts it off, then I would say you just need to move on. No sense chasing someone to be your friend if they aren't interested in the friendship.

jtmomma13 · July 2014

I totally would not go. I feel as though you've reached out numerous times and she hasn't even responded and that is so beyond rude. And to invite you to this party is almost insulting.

I don't think you owe her anything. Yes, she threw you a shower at work but you guys were close. Now you're not and it's not by your doing. Friendship isn't tit for tat.

If you feel the need to reach out to her again, I would respond that you're not able to make the party but if she would like to grab lunch or whatever, that you're free x y a days. If she doesn't respond again then she just isn't a friend worth having.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

I wouldn't go. Have plans (even if pretend) that conflicts with the party.

VOR · July 2014

welly336 said:

I would not go or buy anything. If you are feeling like you need to reciprocate, then send her a gift for the baby.

100% this. And if she sends you a link to the stuff/ pushes you to buy something, just say "it's not in my budget right now". Period.

Just give her a nice gift once she has her baby. That's your reciprocation.

Pips09 · July 2014

I don't go to to those parties when I actually like and am friends with the person throwing them. So no, you do not need to go. If you feel like you "owe" her something, send her a gift when the baby is born.

SunAndRain · July 2014

You don't owe people anything for throwing you a shower other than a heartfelt thank you note and your best attempt at being a good friend.

You described someone as terribly flaky, a fair-weather friend, perhaps. However, I do have to wonder if this is just one of those instances where life takes you away from your friends sometimes. It isn't that you no longer care. It is just that your priorities shift. And eventually they often shift back.

In other words, I don't feel like I can judge her too harshly as I don't know her side of the story.

But in no way should you feel obligated to attend her party or to buy something. In fact, if you feel like socializing then by all means GO to the party - bring your newborn! - they get a free pass - and ignore the pressure to purchase.

justjinny · July 2014

I'd say spend your valuable free time with the people you like and in a way you like. And if that's staying at home with your new LO right now, then that's the way it is. If you want to get out and see people, then use this party as an opportunity to do so!

I personally hate those parties and would normally try not to go to them and squirm out of buying anything when possible. If it makes you feel better to attend and not buy anything, bring along a bottle of wine or some treat to share with the host.

My best friend threw a Lia Sophia party 3 days after DS was born and was somewhat ticked at the time that I didn't make it. By now she's over it and has also stopped asking me to go with her when her cousins throw these sorts of parties. If your friend is really a friend who will stick around, it won't be a big deal that you don't go.

mlee116 · July 2014

I hate these parties with the fire of a thousand suns, so I'd skip no matter who it was. But it is a major pet peeve of mine when someone I never talk to all of a sudden sends me an invite just to make $ or win some stupid prize. Um, hell to the no.

I also wouldn't feel obligated to provide an excuse as to why you aren't going. If you would like to do something nice for her out of the goodness of your own heart, then by all means, give her a baby gift, but I wouldn't feel obligated to that either.

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