Hubby being a doucher!!

ahaas19 · July 2014

Ok I am totally new to these message board things and I am sure this topic was probably discussed several times already but please humor me! My husband is being a total ass! I already feel 100%unattractive to him, but now I am feeling like he doesn't even LIKE me!! I need suggestions to help our relationship!

I am not an overly sensitive person and my hormones have been pretty decent so far, but this is really getting to me. He comes home from work and it seems like EVERYTHING comes before me, cutting the grass, fixing things that can wait, etc....I am not trying to be selfish, but up until a couple weeks ago, we were walking every night together with our dogs and just fine!

Curlyfries851 · July 2014

Obvi, since I am not privy to all the details of your life, it's hard to comment.

A thought though - some men (heck just people in general) deal with change differently. Maybe this is his form of nesting? Making sure your place is set up perfect and beautiful and safe for LO's arrival because it's the biggest way he feels he can contribute to the new arrival?

Allisonville · July 2014

Talk to him. Tell him how you feel.

mb314 · July 2014

flutterbuggie said:

Lol I feel like I have the opposite problem. I WISH DH had the incentive to go and cut the grass or do some other repairs without me asking. Sounds like he's trying to take care of you!

This! I wish I had the problem that DH was too busy doing yard work and chores.

Talk to him and tell him you miss your nightly walks. Understand that he may not be albe to do it every single night, but ask him to make more time for you.

ahaas19 · July 2014

I understand where he may feel like he needs to fix things and prepare, but I am also in need of some kind of attention from him...i dont know if this sounds greedy but I just feel like at least when we were walking, he was spending at least 45 minutes with me, now its nothing! i try to communicate this to him the best way i can, but he seems so "on edge" that it turns into him getting angry.

missnacholover · July 2014

I'd be so happy if DH did chores after work instead of it all waiting until the weekend.

But I agree, talk to him. Or plan a date night. It was a big reality check to DH when I said that we only have 16ish weekends left "just the two of us." He was like, "oh shit, we need to go on some dates!"

cindyNmark2010 · July 2014

I was going to say...nesting....being responsible. My DH just sits there with his stupid Ipad all night when we settle in and watch tv. And he eats my leftover pizza!! Jerk.

ahaas19 · July 2014

lol I am very thankful that he does things, dont get me wrong!! but there has to be a balance somewhere, right?!? sometimes i wish he could just sit down with me and relax... and i feel like hes almost making me feel guilty for taking a nap every once in awhile or putting my feet up. i still work full-time and have to get up at 4am everyday just like him...i feel like my MIL is coming out in him because she is always GO GO GO and can never stop to appreciate surroundings or some things that matter more than cleaning her damn house lol. anyways...i know things could always be worse, i was just seeing if anyone else was experiencing the distance with their SO.

missnacholover · July 2014

cindyNmark2010 said:

I was going to say...nesting....being responsible. My DH just sits there with his stupid Ipad all night when we settle in and watch tv. And he eats my leftover pizza!! Jerk.

I get SO PISSED when DH eats my food. Like, if I buy something for myself at the store I don't mind if he eats some, but if he finishes it, ohhhhh, watch out. There is nothing worse than thinking "Man, I'm so excited for my cheeze-its snack tonight" only to find they are all gone. Makes this chubster sad.

(

mander82 · July 2014

I always used to mow the grass while he did the weedwhacking. Now he does it all while I do household chores. I him

I would just tell him that you miss going for walks and see if he wants to start doing that again.

Maelara · July 2014

Men nest too

last time with my husband, he went safety crazy in the house, even though the baby doesn't start moving around until about 6 months. I got a kick out of it. It sounds like you need to sit down with him and talk. Make sure to tell him how much you appreciate his extra effort around the house. Then add it would be nice to resumes your walks. If this was more than just a couple weeks I'd worry but it just sounds like he is showing his love in a different way that you might not be in tune too. Men are action showers for love

just think about it as him showing love for you and your precious baby

cindyNmark2010 · July 2014

missnacholover said:

cindyNmark2010 said:

I was going to say...nesting....being responsible. My DH just sits there with his stupid Ipad all night when we settle in and watch tv. And he eats my leftover pizza!! Jerk.

I get SO PISSED when DH eats my food. Like, if I buy something for myself at the store I don't mind if he eats some, but if he finishes it, ohhhhh, watch out. There is nothing worse than thinking "Man, I'm so excited for my cheeze-its snack tonight" only to find they are all gone. Makes this chubster sad.
(

Missing pizza sucks. Missing Cheeze-its....bad too. Missing nachos....punishable by death, or a DH trip to the store..

NunyaBennis · July 2014

ahaas19 said:
*snip* i was just seeing if anyone else was experiencing the distance with their SO.

Yes. My husband was in a FUNK for a few weeks. There was absolutely no reaching out to him or communicating whatsoever! I have no idea what brought on his epiphany, but am so thankful that he eventually came back around. It was seriously as if a light switch was flipped and we were back to ourselves, but even better. I asked if he wanted to talk about it, and he said no but that all was well now. Fair enough.
I know it's tough, but try to let him work through whatever he's working through, however he's gotta do it. Be ready to talk if he wants, or be the silent supporter if he doesn't. Good luck!

ahaas19 · July 2014

im probably overreacting and maybe this is me being emotional lol....it just feels different. i feel like theres something more to this...like maybe hes depressed or something. its been awhile since he smiled or laughed or showed any kind of emotion other than crabby. yes its been a couple weeks since weve walked but even on our walks, he was just different. hes probably nervous and anxious for LOs arrival, as am i, but i just pictured pregnancy different. kind of makes me sad that we cant share these feelings together! talking? ive tried talking to him, and its like talking to a wall or a ticking time bomb. i tell him how handsome he is all the time and how much i appreciate everything he does...and ive also tried communicating what it is that i want! "i NEED a little more of your attention please....just need a hug, or a smile, or watch a movie with me..." etc...he was taking a low dose of Celexa but he stopped it cold turkey without telling me! i only found out because i knew something was different with him. but forget suggesting he go back on it! oh noooo thats like a total insult to him and he takes it the wrong way. maybe ill just continue to give him a little space.

ahaas19 · July 2014

thank you for the feedback ladies! its nice to know youre not alone sometimes...

moroccojade · July 2014

Oh shit. It sounds like he really needs his Celexa. Going off can turn a great guy into a slug. (I speak from experience here.)

Beg him to go back on that pill.... And you will get your man back. (Maybe write him an email? Lame, I know, but he might actually read that... his ears probably turn off as soon as he hears your voice.) He still might continue with his nesting on the meds... but at least he will be able to do it as a human being rather than a brick wall.

My sympathies.

NunyaBennis · July 2014

That does add a scary variable. I got my BFP not long after mine switched from zoloft to lexapro... Talk about an adjustment period! Hang in there, as the meds (or lack thereof) can take you both on a month-long roller coaster ride, but if you are worried at all about health/safety at any time - call his doctor. I don't know you guys at all, but as long as he's directing his energy somewhere productive I would be prone to ride it out a bit longer if it were me. (((hugs)))

silverwings72 · July 2014

I agree with @moroccojade‌ . The doctor prescribed him
Celexa for a reason. Some people stop taking their meds because they start to feel better, not realizing that they feel better because the meds were helping. I would encourage him to discuss this with his doc. Good luck to you both.

kristyru03 · July 2014

My husband is doing the same thing but he has kind of always been that way. Comes home from work, eats dinner with me and then he's off to the garage to tinker or work in the yard. It used to really bother me but I have come to learn that is just his way of relaxing and destressing after his work day (even though it doesn't seem relaxing to me). He doesn't get how me sitting on the porch reading my book is relaxing and I don't get how him working on the jet ski we never use is relaxing but we have come to understand that we relax in different ways and I no longer take offense to it! Hang in there, men are weird

phdprocrastinator · July 2014

The fact that he's recently stopped his meds changes my response completely. You know him best, but I think I would focus on your concern for his health rather than your need for intimacy (for now). You might also want to put a bug in his ear that dads can experience PPD as well - sleep deprivation plus a radical life change alone can cause depression, even if they don't experience a hormone crash like women do. He may want to consider putting a support plan together to prepare for the baby's arrival... and that plan should probably include remaining on his meds.

Be sure to include that you're supportive of his desired to WEAN off of them at some point after baby's arrival.

kstirton · July 2014

Sounds to me (without knowing much) that maybe he's stressing a bit about a new arrival. It's understandable you know? Men deal with these things differently. I would sit him down, politely explain to him how you feel, and ask him if there's anything you can do to help him if he's feeling pressured, stressed, etc. Ask him what would make him feel more at ease, or if you should just give him space ... then I would try your best to give it to him. Don't make it about You personally, most likely he's struggling with something internally.

Singingmama10 · July 2014

I read the whole thread and you talking about him being off his meds could very well be a part of it... but here's my experience. MH comes home from a 10.5 hour day of work and finds some job that he thinks "has" to be done.

What has stressed him out most about us having a baby is the fact that the house is not in perfect order. I have had to have the conversation with him "Honey I know that what you need to do is this job, and that job, but I also have needs and I need to cuddle up with you on the couch and watch a movie every once in a while". I will admit that I have this conversation with him somewhat frequently, but he needs to know. I agree with @Maelara this is just how my DH shows his love. It's confusing to me, but just as he needs to be reminded that I recognize his love by his time he's spending with me.... I need to remember he shows his love by the things he does.

absolutelymaybe · July 2014

FFS I know I said earlier that violence is never okay, but do you have some sort of foam bat you could gently beat him over the head with?

Do. Not. Stop. Taking. Meds. Cold. Turkey.

Men!

ahaas19 · July 2014

I know!! My father committed suicide and I'm a firm believer that it has a lot to do with the way stopping medication cold turkey will mess with your head...I've stressed the importance of weaning off sooo many times to him because of this. I am very concerned about his health and it's more than me just needing "intimacy". I also suffer from depression and anxiety and I NEED that interaction with him. Not asking for much. But I did write him a long email yesterday so I didn't say something I regretted. And he has agreed to start taking them again and he understands why I want him to. It's just not a good time to stop with all the changes and preparations. I told him if he stops cold turkey again I'll beat him!! Jk

but thank you ladies for the support and advice! It sure helped!

Want a personalized experience?

Hubby being a doucher!!

Re: Hubby being a doucher!!

Choose Another Board

Search Boards