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February 2014 Moms
RondackHiker
member
Mom arrested for letting daughter go to park alone
RondackHiker
member
https://newsone.com/3038938/working-mom-arrested-for-leaving-daughter-at-park/
Have you guys seen this? What do you think?
I think this is a major overreaction. Arresting her? Wtf
I don't know if I'm comfortable with a 9 year old alone in the park for hours... But I don't see a ton of other options. This mom would be shamed if she didn't work and then she does and is arrested because her job doesn't cover childcare costs.
Have you guys seen this? What do you think?
I think this is a major overreaction. Arresting her? Wtf
I don't know if I'm comfortable with a 9 year old alone in the park for hours... But I don't see a ton of other options. This mom would be shamed if she didn't work and then she does and is arrested because her job doesn't cover childcare costs.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Mom arrested for letting daughter go to park alone
Would it have been acceptable of the child was with an older sibling? I know that I see my middle school students at the park by my house all the time with their younger siblings (sometimes as young as 2 or 3). In some cases, I know their parents/guardians are home. Should they be arrested too?
On a related note (and this is kind of flame worthy) but I think we're also going overboard on the arrests for kids in cars. For example, a mother was just arrested for leaving her 9 and 11 year old in a car. The windows were down and they were perfectly capable of opening a door and walking out. I totally get the fact that leaving defenseless kids in a car is crime, but not older kids. That said, I also live in a very safe small town so Im quite naive.
I have to go to the store so Ill had to respond to any flaming later.
Yeah, the arrest was ridiculous.
Do I think she should have been arrested? No. A warning? Sure. Like @Madisonpenny said, now that the mom's in jail, what's going to happen to the little girl?? I think that's worse than leaving her at the park alone all day.
Bump Unofficial Glossary
At 9yrs old, my older sister was left home alone at times in charge of me/siblings when we were ages 2-6yrs. Not hours upon hours, but 1-2hrs at a time. We were allowed to walk to/from school without an adult in first/second grades so, age 6/7yrs. School was in the neighborhood, but it was around 5-6 blocks away. My Mom used to send us on our bikes up to the store with $$ to buy candy, for her/us lol, when we were around 10-12yrs. We grew up in a pretty populated, busy suburban town (100k population). This was, because old, long before cell phones were even an option.
So yea, given my childhood experiences I guess I don't see how this is a HUGE deal. She had a phone to call Mom who was across the street. I'm willing to bet this was not her first choice in childcare arrangements but quality affordable childcare isn't available to all people. It is very difficult for many parents to deal with summer vacation when school isn't open and how to balance work/childcare during that time.
And now Mom is in jail, probably going to lose her job, explain to me how is that better for the child than playing at the park?
These are the impossibly tough situations that led me to not want to work in CPS long-term.
Was it the best choice for mom to make? IMO, no... there's a lot of unknowns being alone for a long time in a public place. My parents definitely left me home by myself for periods of time at that age, though, and that feels more ok since it was contained and locked.
Was it the only choice mom felt like she had? Probably. And instead of getting help for her to make a "better" choice, she's in jail, the kid is likely in foster care (either with a family member or a standard home), and both are costing tons of money, tons of resources, and not helping this family at all.
TTC #1 since 9/2012
BFP #1 2/16/13, EDD 10/13/13, CP 2/21/13
BFP #2 6/2/13
Baby J-Bug 2/8/14 My Wedding Bio from back in the day
And she may have thought that bringing her to the park or to work with her was safer than leaving her at home... It sounds like there was recently a break in there.
I don't like the idea of a child that age alone for hours, but I don't know if there's another easy solution. The park was pretty close to the mom's work and if she checked in frequently then the risk likely isn't that high.
This isn't a choice I'd want to have to make.
TTC #1 since 9/2012
BFP #1 2/16/13, EDD 10/13/13, CP 2/21/13
BFP #2 6/2/13
Baby J-Bug 2/8/14 My Wedding Bio from back in the day
Couldn't the McDonalds be less safe - how much farther is it? How many more strangers will she be encountering there vs a park? The people visiting a park are most likely parents/caregivers and children vs. a fast food restaurant which could have any range of people. A child playing at a park is going to be presumed to have an adult so perhaps less likely to be targeted for kidnapping/crime. But these are all big assumptions and who knows if there's even a McDonalds anywhere reasonably close-by. Perhaps the nearest one is a mile away. Is that really preferable to across the street?
But all this distracts from the broader issue of why this was her (and so many parent's) best option for childcare. It's easy for me to say "well put the kid in a boys/girls club" or whatever, but maybe she can't afford their summer camp program? FWIW I googled the zip codes from where this happened, according to the B&G club website the closest one is ~5miles and their program is $350 for 9a-2p, although you can keep kid there longer (for more $). They are closed the week of July 4th - so there's a whole week that Mom would still be stuck even if she utilized this program. Does Mom have a car/way to get child to/from club and then herself to work? We don't know. Perhaps work is walking distance from home and those 5miles are not reasonable to walk.
And while I don't think a nine year old alone for a long shift is good... Soemthing inside me rebels at the thought of a child spending her summer sitting in mcdonalds with a book or computer while her mom works. That seems far sadder than running around at a park. Closer to her mom, yes. But much sadder.
The mother worked at McDonalds.
But as for my opinion, arresting, nope, shouldn't have happened.
Parenting has raised the idea that this is at least partially a class or race issue as this was a predominately white and upper middle class neighborhood and the girl and her mother are neither. Just to introduce that element into the discussion.
I do have to say, I agree with @Codypup that it seems sad to have the kid stuck at McDs all day instead of running around at the park even though it probably was a safer option.
Still think it's ridiculous to arrest her though. That does absolutely nothing to improve the situation for the child, or her mother.
ETA I think I just flagged my own post on accident. Mobile bumping is hard.
Because I have, both for myself and others and every time I have the waiting lists were months long. Some had VERY limited hours.
It's not as simple as "hey! I need you guys to watch my kid for the day."
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I actually have to second this. Repeated sexual abuse is something that hits so very close to home for me, and each and every person I know who has been struck with this tragedy, has been abused by a trusted family member/family friend. That does not mean that strangers pose any less of a threat, it's just shedding light on the fact that it is sometimes a person you trust.
In any case, leaving the girl alone was unsafe and irresponsible for many reasons, regardless of the statistics listed above.
While I do not think that it was an ideal situation, I think the mom was trying to do the best she could with the resources she had available. I don't blame the parent for calling the cops, but I do not think she should have been arrested. Taking the child from her mother, putting the mother in jail, and the child in custody cannot be the best scenario either. Leaving the child at the park is not a choice that I would necessarily make, but I think the "what-if" scenarios are kind of overblown. There aren't random child-abductors lurking at every park.
That being said, even though the girl had a cell phone, I do feel that a park 1.5 miles away is kind of far (assuming no car) in the event of an emergency. I am not sure I would be comfortable having a 9-year-old that far away alone.
Baby Girl #2 is on her way!
Truly folks, if it were really THAT easy I don't think cases like this would be so common. Most people aren't jerks neglecting their kids. Yes, those things happen. But it doesn't sound like that's what is going on here.
And seriously, $350 for the summer program at the BGC 9-2 (which isn't even 8hrs) is just over 48hrs of work at minimum wage. That is potentially over a weeks pay for her, if she's even on FT hours. I worked FF, most "FT" employees are scheduled ~30hrs a week or less. That is a big financial burden for care that may not even cover what she needs nevermind knowing whether there's space for her kid or if it's decent care.
It's easier to talk about how irresponsible she is and whether jail time is just. It's a lot harder to recognize the systemic problems the US has in terms of affordable, accessible, quality childcare.
If you look at maps, the roads would be a mile and a half. Cutting through the park, which backs up to the building her mom works in, means it's a lot shorter.
Arresting her was not the right choice, but I strongly agree that some sort of other plan should have been put into place.
I do see how this situation was a hard one for the mother. She needed to work to provide for her child by working, yes. But leaving the child at a park unattended was crossing the line. I'd even be willing to venture as far as to say that she could have talked to her manager about her situation, and had her daughter go to work with her temporarily. My mother did that with my two brothers and I when she had to work and my dad was deployed. Is that an option everywhere? No. But it would have been worth a try to sit her daughter at a table with some coloring books, puzzles, etc. so Mom could work and still keep an eye on her daughter. That might be a little far fetched, yes. But I'm just not convinced that leaving her daughter alone was the only option she had.
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I didn't see that in the original article I read yesterday. Thank you for pointing that out. I'll quietly put my foot in my mouth now as far as that goes.
But now it brings me to this... Just because her daughter *wanted* to do something, doesn't mean letting her do it was the responsible thing to do.
ETA line
I can't imagine being in this position.
Related, there was a great article about the strain of poverty and how the constant stress of worrying about money is detrimental to brain processes. Also, it has some eye opening information about welfare. https://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2014/07/14/330434597/this-is-your-stressed-out-brain-on-scarcity
She looked it up. Someone suggest big brothers and big sisters and she looked up the cost and hours.
I'd wonder how long the waiting list is for the program you mentioned. In many (but not all) areas, those programs fill FAST.
Not trying to be snarky, but "going against the organization" or not, usually funding for space and workers and supplies eventually runs out and you end up with the waiting list.
It's one thing to say "I don't think that was a great parenting decision." That's your opinion. It's quite another to say the police should step in and seriously screw up this family's life.