Do You Have Anyone You DON'T Want Coming to the Hospital?

kaitm22 · July 2014

I ask this question in regards to the fact that my hubby's twin has a new girlfriend. We have met her very very briefly twice, but really don't know her at all. I would not put it past him to feel that it was totally fine to bring her to my hospital bedside, although there is also a chance I am over-reacting. Once his g/fs have met the family though, he usually doesn't hesitate to bring them to events that I feel are intimate family times.

Do any of you ladies have someone in your life that you would really rather not see at the hospital? I know some of you aren't having visitors at all, but I know we wont be able to get away with that. Are you putting it gently or being straight up that this is who we will see and this is who we won't? I feel like it is my time/our time as a couple to show off the baby, and I feel like I should have a say on who is allowed in my room. We are already going to be delaying calling MIL until well after we have had bonding time because she is crazy, however we are NOT telling her this ahead of time.

Raclla · July 2014

You have complete say regarding who shows up.

Stick up for yourself and make your wishes known. Make them non negotiable now.

cdseno · July 2014

I would like to tell my brother that my SIL isn't allowed if she is off work because they are having problems and turns out she is super crazy and everything she says is a lie so I would rather not deal with it. I also would prefer my sister not come because she is the type of person who would bring her toddler and super awkward 11 year old stepdaughter and let the toddler run wild in the room. And I don't like her touching my kids because she isn't a clean person (that's mean but true). But I would rather they came to the hospital where it isn't as comfortable to hang out instead of coming to my house and staying all day.

tamarar5 · July 2014

Tell your nurses who you don't want to come in. Usually they have no problems telling people to get lost, or even making up reasons.

If I lived closer to my extended family, I'd say I don't want my aunts and uncles to come. But they won't make the 500+ mile drive. And as terrible as it sounds, I'd love a visit from BIL his wife and baby, but I DON'T want to see dh's twin sisters or their significant others. But I can't cause drama like that so it's all or nothing.

The only people who will visit will be my parents and my kids. My sisters won't even come.

phaarealwed · July 2014

I feel blessed to have so many friends and family that are just as excited about baby as I am, but I am also overwhelmed at the thought of how many of them say they will be going to the hospital. I haven't turned anyone down because I don't want to be mean, I just hope they are short quick visits because I just want to have some alone time bonding and figuring out all this new stuff going without the opinions of 50 people.

kaitm22 · July 2014

PunkieNight said:

It is completely your right to chose who you do and do not want visiting in the hospital. I would feel pretty awkward if my sister brought a new beau that I had met once or twice to visit. You could tell the nurses that you only want to allow family to visit, but that could cause an issue if you are expecting friends to visit.

Could you talk to your H and express your discomfort with the possibility with your BIL bringing his new girlfriend, and have your H talk to his brother about it. Honestly it is your H's side of the family so he should be the one to talk to them.

You will be the one recovering from having a baby and feeling vulnerable, and you completely have the right to have who you want visiting in the hospital. Good luck!

This is exactly the problem. Hubby is planning on saying something, but he often chickens out when it comes to stupid behaviors by his brothers, so this will be kind of a test. He will def. be the one dealing with it though! He is slightly more lenient about it, but I am not going to sit there having an awkward encounter after giving birth! I think she should really understand not to come, but she is quite a bit younger than us and seems to go along with whatever the BIL wants, so relying on her judgment of propriety is not a good solution.

I am trying not to be too much of a jerk to BIL, but he has to know where the line is.

ungraceful13 · July 2014

I don't have a specific list but only close family and friends came with DD. I didn't tell anyone I was in labor and didn't post on fb until after I had comfortably recovered. The only people besides family that came when I had DD were BFF and my other BFF and his wife. They both called first to see if it was ok and when I kicked them out (I was tired) they were cool with it. I imagine it will be similar this time.

MandMLeona · July 2014

If my ILs lived close enough to come, we'd have some issues, but they don't. With our first I had a lot of people who were eager to come visit right afterward. When I explained that my midwives didn't want me to leave my bed for the first two days, we suddenly got some space. I hadn't thought about how much different it would be for people to visit in your bedroom at home versus a hospital room, so it was a pleasant surprise. Since this is number three the bloom is off the rose and people will fit us in eventually. I don't mind the delay in the slightest.

jenniferurs · July 2014

Yeah, the closer I get, the more I'm realizing that I really don't want people there the first 24 hours after delivery. And I only want short visits thereafter. With LO feeding as often as they do, I'd like my privacy to figure out this whole breastfeeding thing.

jenniferurs · July 2014

What about in-laws? @Ptarma‌ @potterowl‌?

awalter5110 · July 2014

Do whatever you are comfortable with. If you don't want her there then just tell them flat out. I'm the complete opposite though, I would rather have whoever wants to come to the hospital instead of my house. The hospital to me is a more controlled environment and I don't have to entertain anyone/worry about a messy house. And if I need to feed her or something they can step out. But, like I said, just tell them honestly that you would rather not see her there and if they are mature about it I'm sure it will be just fine. If not they'll get over it eventually, lol.

jamielcall · July 2014

So's sister. When he called to tell her we were expecting she suggested an abortion.... She will never be welcome around the baby.

tamarar5 · July 2014

jamielcall said:
So's sister. When he called to tell her we were expecting she suggested an abortion.... She will never be welcome around the baby.

:-O

vk2204 · July 2014

I never really thought of friends coming to visit. No one has said anything to us, but we have been to the hospital for visiting so I don't what will happen. For me it just depends on how everything goes. If I am feeling great and up for it, sure come on by. But if I had a rough time then I won't have a problem saying "please don't come". I just hope that people have the courtesy to ask before coming.

MollyHooper · July 2014

weeklyplanner said:

jamielcall said:

I am worried about nieces/nephews showing up because I just learned that children are allowed to visit. The little ones are on my DH side of the family, so to avoid drama I'm not saying anything in advance. But, when they suggest a 3 year old should "hold the baby" I will promptly say "No, not today." Also, if they are acting up, I will ask them to leave because I need to rest.

This. My kids have a lot of cousins that live really close to us. All of them are under 9 and are usually brought to the hospital to meet the new baby. Normally I wouldn't mind but after DS2 was born SIL brought her kids to the hospital while they were all still recovering from a cold. And then one of her kids almost knocked over the bassinet while trying to look at DS2. I love SIL, but if the cousins want to meet the new baby, they can wait until we get home.

Familyhugs922 · July 2014

I am fine with whoever wants to come. Hospital visits seem to be shorter than house visits anyway, plus like a pp said, then I don't feel like I have to feed anyone!

Venus04 · July 2014

No one is invited to this party except hubby, doula, and doctor. We're not even announcing until we're almost ready to leave the hospital. This is our time as a new family, and we don't care how not seeing the baby in the first three days affects others. They had their children their way, and this is ours.

mercedesbenz802 · July 2014

We are having out parents come after we are in women's and Childens because L&D is separate in our hospital. I also told all my family that only parents and our grandparents are allowed because I really do not want to deal with my family. I am sad my brother will still be over seas when we have our DD.

shevaCC · July 2014

Likely no one but my mom and DD will visit us in the hospital since we live far away from everyone. I agree though, with sticking up for yourself and what you're comfortable with.

Skadii · July 2014

The only people we are allowing in to visit us our the people we consider our immediate family, and our surrogate's boyfriend.

My mum (who hasn't met my youngest two because we 'only' adopted them, and she came to see the eldest after we got her, and there was only so much fawning you can do over adopted children) has announced the other day that she is coming with my 27 year old half-sister, who I've only met 5 times, and they plan to visit us in the hospital. Yeah, no. But she's not even booked her flight yet, so its highly unlikely anyway.

If I were you I'd tell him straight that the girlfriend isn't coming. And let the hospital know too.

mislogis · July 2014

No one will be at the hospital except me and dh. People can visit after we are in our PP room and comfy. It's been like that for our other 2, this one is no different.

GatorGirl1013 · July 2014

I have plans to only allow my husband and my doula really. There's a few others I would like to allow later (after a few hours or a day of rest depending on how long the hospital requires me to be there) but I can't do that because of having to be fair to his family.

Jenrileysmom · July 2014

You should definitely do what you're comfortable with.

Also, I must be an entirely different breed than a lot of you. haha. I really don't care who comes to see us in the hospital. I can't imagine someone showing up that shouldn't/wasn't a close person to us. When we had DD we had a waiting room full of people (my parents and sisters, and the inlaws) and then later on that evening some extended family and friends came for brief visits. It's all a big blur but I had a good time telling our birth story and showing off the munchkin. People brought gifts and flowers.

I've said it before, I would much rather hospital visits than home ones because they tend to be short and I didn't have to worry about cleaning up my house for company.

lookame3639 · July 2014

Discussions like this give me bad anxiety for labor and delivery. I think about all the people I'm comfortable with being there and those who I'm uncomfortable with and then I think they're going to want to hold baby and take pictures and share pictures online and there are smokers and i wonder when they had their last cigarette, did they wash their hands? Are their clothes clean?

It makes my head spin and i feel like this is an issue I can't discuss with FI since we've already discussed it and the hospital said they'll respect any wishes we have in regards to visitors (although he did tell me today if he has to hell stand outside the door and act as a bouncer).

Main person I don't want the is FI sister. We're on the outs and i don't trust her as far as I can throw her. I know if she's visiting it would be because one of FI parents or brother brought her which would spark a whole other level of uncomfortable and a confrontation which I want to avoid. One person who i don't exactly want there but am allowing is FI dads wife (FI gets mad if she's called stepmom) she's not a bad person I'm just uncomfortable around her and she tends to make things all about her...plus last time i spoke with her all she talked about was how fat i am (i was 7 months pregnant what did she expect!?)

Weezy2012 · July 2014

The only person we have on that list is my MIL (but there is a lot of complex family drama going on there). We actually had to inform MIL about a month ago that she officially was not welcome at the hospital or around the baby---at least for a while. It really saddens us that we had to take that step (even more so because of the way my FIL is taking it since we don't want to restrict his interactions at all) but it is in DS' best interest.

shaylagirl · July 2014

My nephew.

His wife and their kids are welcome, but if he shows up, I'll blow a gasket and there might be punches thrown.

marathonmommy82 · July 2014

It looks like I'm in the minority! ... I liked having visitors with DS and I'm looking forward to having visitors this time too.

jenkeale · July 2014

I don't want anyone to visit in the hospital, except my mom. She will be there with me through labor and delivery anyways. H wants his parents to come, but thank goodness during our birthing class the instructor said that unless you as a mother feel comfortable being so exposed to your guests while trying to nurse and recover, it's best not to have visitors. It was the perfect time to tell him I preferred alone bonding time.

Jolaine83 · July 2014

I have no one on my 'no' list, I guess. I was more guarded about when people could come the first time around and after a rough labor and delivery, it was probably good. We still had close friends come visit, but nothing too big and it never got overwhelming. After DD, I actually wished more had come because, quite frankly, I was bored. lol DH went home in the evenings to take care of DS and our only visitors that time were our parents, my brother and my grandmas.

I didn't have a problem getting people to leave for nursing or medical checks. And they always called or texted ahead to make sure it was a good time. I enjoyed having company in a controlled environment where I didn't have to cook or clean.

I hope this time to have an easier delivery like I did with DD and then have a chance for more visitors since it's not cold and flu season this time.

Soymami2 · July 2014

I'm so glad my hosptial doesn't allow vistors until 3 pm! With my first pregnancy I started getting visitors at 8am!!!!

Imagine after being up all night in labor as a first time mom. Not cool!

caballablanca · July 2014

Both moms, bil and niece came down last time and my BFF stopped by the next day. Everyone else waited until we got home. I don't mind whoever wants to come, but I think most want to wait until we go home. Dh's family lives out of state so I see them visiting at Christmas or thanksgiving (if we feel ok to travel with the newest LO that soon).

iuplori · July 2014

It's been almost five years, but I will never forget how my MIL bullies DH into letting her see our first before either of us was really ready for that. It was such and emotional time for us, and I'll never forget him coming back to me with tears in his eyes feeling torn about what to do. I was too exhausted to put up a fuss. So, ladies, I guess my message is make sure it's clear to those people ahead of time too.

RrachieRay · August 2014

Do and say exactly what you want!! You will have just had a baby and the best thing for BOTH of you is to be as relaxed, comfortable, and stress free as possible. Lay the ground rules clearly ahead of time so that way when the day comes the drama fest hopefully won't have to happen and you can just enjoy it all

My own Mother isn't invited and won't know about the baby being born till she hears it through the grapevine/gets an announcement. There is no reason to feel bad or apologize for doing what is best for everyone. Esp baby!!

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