Advice needed!!!

ShelbyRyanne · July 2014

Okay, it may seem silly, but I know my mom is going to shit a brick when she finds out I'm pregnant. I'm just not sure of the best way to tell her. I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year now, and she's never really given him a chance because he's not the picture perfect college educated guy. He works hard and makes good money, so I really don't see what the big deal is... Anyway she wants me to worry about my future, and I know she thinks that if I settle down I'll never go back to school. It's not like I don't have my life together or that a child will stop me from reaching my goals. I know it's going to be a problem no matter what I say to her... I just don't want her to ruin a happy experience. She can be a very controlling and rude person at times. What would you do and how long should I wait to tell her? I'm 6 weeks now.

Unknown · July 2014

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chaysefaith · July 2014

^^ wss.

Were you trying? Not that it helps you now but I told my mom were trying in advance of my BFP because I didn't want her to ruin my happy moment by bitching that we aren't married. Hopefully it goes well!

ShelbyRyanne · July 2014

Thank you, ToasterCat. I know she's going to say some hurtful things at first, so maybe it's best to get it over with.

ShelbyRyanne · July 2014

No I wasn't trying. It's kind of a crazy time right now with me starting a new job, but I know it will work out fine. I think I may tell her after my first u/s on August 15th. I'll just make it quick and painless.

kls12301 · July 2014

Do you live with her now or do you live with your boyfriend? If you're on your own it's not much of her business. Congrats!

ShelbyRyanne · July 2014

@kls12301‌ I live with my boyfriend, and she lives a few hours away. I just don't want her to cause drama with the rest of my family. Thank you! At least my boyfriend's mom will be super excited.

ShelbyRyanne · July 2014

@Chunkymonkeylvr‌ I'm 23 years old and will be 24 in November.

ShelbyRyanne · July 2014

I know my boyfriend will be there for me 100% no matter how my mom reacts. I think he's worried that she'll upset me, but I'm prepared for the worst. Maybe it will melt her heart a little bit.

ShelbyRyanne · July 2014

I just wish she would learn that she can't stomp her feet and get her way. I know we would have a way better relationship if she could be supportive for once. I had to learn a long time ago to put my happiness first.

BostonAlison · July 2014

Moms can be a little shortsighted sometimes in regards to adult kids decisions.

I don't have a lot of advice but I hope it goes well telling your mom. I guess any advice I do have is to make it happy. Instead of "Mom I need to talk to your (super serious)". Try instead "mom omg we have great news!"?

That way you set the emotional tone of the conversation ?

FrecklesInside · July 2014

It sounds like she is really controlling and that she doesn't support you very much right now in the life you are choosing to live. That is unfortunate and her loss. If you and your SO want this baby and know you can make it work, tough cookies that mom is going to be upset about it. I would go into the conversation with your positive attitude and just stare at her if she starts reacting in any way but happy and then inform her that you're sorry she can't be happy for you and that you are hoping she can see that this is a good thing and that YOU are happy.

I hope she comes around and is supportive.

ShelbyRyanne · July 2014

I hope she'll come around by the time the baby is born. I'm just going to stay positive. She's been making negative comments about other people getting pregnant lately and saying at least I don't have a kid. Well, she's in for quite a surprise.

cafecreme · July 2014

I would tell her whenever you feel is the best time. Could be tomorrow, could be next week, next month. Just mentally prepare yourself and know what your going to say beforehand, and think of all the reactions she could give you. If she doesn't want to be in the baby's life because everything isn't "perfect"; then she doesn't deserve to be in your child's life. She's your mom, and I hope she'll love and support you no matter what. I really hope she's level headed when she hears the news. Good luck, OP.

ShelbyRyanne · July 2014

Thank you everyone for the support! It's hard having someone in your life who you can never make happy. This situation has gone on for years. I want to bring my boyfriend for support, but I'm scared he will lose his cool if she reacts badly. I know he will tell her how it is, but I want to give her a chance to process. I also know I need to let her know if she's going to try to bring me down then she won't be part of the process.

ShelbyRyanne · July 2014

I could. I just want to tell the rest of my family too. As bad as it seems my mom had refused to meet my boyfriend, so I really hate that their first meeting will be like this.

kschref · July 2014

Well, I think your mom is going to have to get used to the fact that you are in your 20's, are a grown-up, and can make your own decisions. Hopefully she'll be happy for you and want a good relationship with her grandchild. Maybe it will allow her to warm up to your BF as well. If not, then she's missing out on all the great times being a grandmother can bring and that's truly her loss if she just wants to sit around and be grumpy about it.

Shebamommy · July 2014

My only advice is to tell her with a positive/upbeat attitude ("Mom, I've got some awesome news to tell you!" (etc.)). Make it clear that you are happy about the pregnancy -- try not to act scared, timid, or defensive when you tell her. Then if she acts like a jerk, I would quickly but politely cut her off, something along the lines of, "Mom, (boyfriend) and I are very happy about this, and look forward to the time that you can be, too" and then end the conversation. She'll come around, hopefully ... the lure of a grandbaby will be too hard to resist! Good luck.